Commitment-phobia is an unhealthy avoidance of long-term romantic relationships. According to Wikipedia, however, the problem is much more pervasive, affecting school, work and home life as well. As evidenced by my 10 year hiatus from the dating world, I could probably become a poster child for the commitment-phobic.

As the now un-official spokeswoman for this society, I’d like to take the opportunity to let the outside world in on a secret about a commitment phobic life. The life of a commitment-phobe is only partially routed in fear. I know, it sounds a little weird, especially since the mere usage of the word “phobia” would infer “fear.” The true fear, however, comes in the idea of “settling” for anything less than what I deserve.

I am one of only a few “still single” people in my group of young professional friends, but I know that even those “committed” to a long-term relationship are not close to settling for anything less than their highest potential in most other parts of their life. For one of the first times ever, young professionals are urged NOT to settle by just about everyone around us. Not to settle for the entry level positions at stodgy companies not worth our time. Not to settle for a sub-par education, but instead to attend the most prestigious of schools and continue to grad school. Not to stay in the same town you grew up in and marry the boy/girl you first pinned at the sophomore dance. We are a new generation, raised to believe that we can be ANYTHING we try to be, and dammit we should NOT settle for anything less.

As I searched out via the supreme authority that is Google, I kept coming across the book “Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, Indecisive Girl’s Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment” by Elina Furman, and it was like fate. I AM the single, picky indecisive girl and am looking to understand more about fear of commitment and potentially overcome it! As I sought out her website I was pleasantly surprised to find exactly what I was looking for – “The 10 Signs You’re A Commitment Phobe.” Is it possible that these 10 signs weren’t exclusive only to single, picky, indecisive girls but to an entire generation of young professionals?

1. You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate – Whether it be a mate, a job, a career choice, a school…my generation has lists of pre-requisites that can hamper our progression towards everything. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to know what you are looking for in any goal you have. However it is equally important to know when something great is jumping up and down in front of you asking you to notice it (check out “the look” at :44)

2. You go from one short lived relationship to the next – Young professionals are becoming professional interviewers at a young age! The former seven year itch is instead becoming an 18 month itch when it comes to finding their “perfect” job. When you start getting bored with the mundane and the grass is looking freshly mowed and much greener on the other side of your HR manual, the temptation to find a new commitment is just too much.

3. You have a habit of dating unavailable men - Whether it is our parents, our bosses, our mentors or even the woman next to us in the dressing room, young professionals are constantly seeking guidance and praise for our work and decisions. Unfortunately, since though we forget sometimes we are in fact not perfect, the feedback is much more critical than we are used to. And the more we get criticized, the harder we try to earn their respect and admiration.

4. You consider your married friends’ lives boring and think they settled for less - The young professional, perhaps partially based on the lists they’ve formed in commitment-phobic sign #1, are quick to determine what is and isn’t boring to the world. There are things that people and businesses do (and have done) for years the equate to both happiness and success.

5. You stay in relationships that are rocky and offer little hope of commitment – Young professionals are ready to move from one coast to another at the drop of a hat for a job, a boy/girl, or just a change of scenery. Laying down roots, buying the house they plan to live in and raise a family, or even getting their first car loan are far too much for most young folks. No longer is the American dream a cape in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and a picket fence.

6. You back out of plans at the last minute and have trouble setting a time for dates - Between soccer and piano practices, National Honor Society meetings, dinner with the family, band camp and (oh yeah) taking time to be a teenageer my middle school actually created calendar planners for their students to keep track of everything AND squeeze in time for homework. It’s no wonder that the young professional generation holes up for weekends in Old Navy lounge pants or flakes out on plans in favor of actual alone time running with your iPod.

7. You cultivate large networks of friends at the expense of a single romantic relationship – Myspace, Facebook, Twitter…oh my?! We recently watched as Ashton Kutcher (another poster child of the generation) flew past CNN with 1 Million followers on Twitter. I’m not going to go so far as to say that there are now marital woes between him and the Mrs, but it certainly points to the young professional desire to surround themselves with large amounts of folks that in reality barely matter to them.

8. You have a lot of relationship trauma in your past - Boomers had the end of a World War and Korea to contend with, Xers had Vietnam…young professionals grew up watching Columbine and 9/11. Instead of rationing or radically protecting, however, this generation learned a new way to deal with the traumas of their youth. They mobilize, they strategize, they blog, they will analytically and pro-actively approach any problem and then let everyone know “how to fix it” rather than complaining or just taking it. This stubbornness only sometimes works in their favor.

9. Your career is very important to you and you often choose work over relationships - Well, that one is just self explanatory and should really become a tag line for the generation. So often young professionals will forgo time with anyone important to them as they quest for a place in the world all their own.

10. You are constantly blowing “hot” and “cold” in your relationships - Coming off the Yugo-obsession of the yuppies that preceded them, the young professional generation has an obsession with civic minded volunteerism that will make the world a better place. They’ll even take lower pay grades for a company that they feel has a positive social conscience. Why is it then, in a generation of such “do-goodedness” that the self-absorption of such personalities as Spencer Pratt and Tila Tequila still manage to consume channels originally dedicated to the social minded revolution of music and video?

What about you…were you raised to be a part of a generation of commitment-phobics?