There’s two kinds of selfish in the world. There’s the selfish that makes you want to look someone in the eye, punch them in the face and leave them for the rest of the wolves so that you can benefit and then there’s the other kind of selfish. A lot of people argue that differentiating between the two is sorta like trying to figure out which of the 7 sins is the worst. Selfish is selfish, and convincing yourself anything different is just trying to make yourself feel better about being selfish.

I am one, however, that really does feel that there’s a legitimate second (and better) selfish in the world. It’s the selfish that makes Boy Scouts learn to help others in the name of getting more merit badges on their sash. It’s the selfish that makes famous celebrities sell swag and tickets in their online store for a guy trying to figure out the craziness that is the healthcare system. It’s the selfish that makes you stop hiking halfway up a mountain because going any further is just not going to be safe for you.

I am the quintessential “nice person.” When asked at a corporate workshop for words to “describe” me, the most frequently used were: nice, friendly, smiling. This was especially interesting in my workplace, as the people in my workshop generally do not always see me in this light. This makes me sad sometimes. It’s hard to live as a dichotomy, a nice person wrapped in a corporate raiding body.

Which is why I sometimes wonder about my motivation for being a nice person. See, part of it is the way I was raised. My parents taught me to abide fastidiously to the Golden Rule and to offer my help anyone who needed it. So I grew up in a world of nice. As I got older, however, I realized an even better reason to continue being nice to others. It just makes me feel good. It takes way too much time and energy to try to be angry and mean, and for most folks with a soul, it just leaves you feeling bad at the end of the day. I’ll be the first to say, I’m nice because it makes me feel…well…nice.

Then there’s the second half of the good selfish coin, the selfish that makes you stop in your tracks and actually take care of yourself rather than letting life walk all over you. Notice I say “life” rather than others/friends/family. Most of the time, friends and family don’t mean to disrespect your time/feelings/energy, they just do. It’s the curse of being a “nice guy/girl” – you get so wrapped up in being nice that you try to please everyone. Occasionally you have to take a step back and say that magical tiny word, “No.”

Unfortunately there are those out there in the world that don’t think any type of egoist altruism is a good thing. That if you are going to benefit from an act in any way, then the act itself must be tarnished. In our land of lies and cynicism it has almost become easier to not believe in anything good and always wonder about people’s ulterior motives.

But you know what? If this other kind of selfish is wrong…well, then, I just don’t want to be right.

Do you think there are two different kinds of selfish behaviors? Is one good or is selfishness ALWAYS bad regardless of the motivation?

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