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In Maine The Devil Wears Macy’s

27 July 2009 8 Comments

When I was young and foolish I decided that my true calling in life would be in Public Relations. I interviewed all over, with absolutely no degree or experience and a 6 month “lull” in my employment history. Finally I landed an interview at a city tourism department as their website administrator and PR assistant. I was thru the moon! Went to the interview, did all the stuff, had a great feeling, met a blind date for lunch and scheduled a second date, all in all a FANTASTIC day!

Then the director called my previous employers, which happens to include one of my close friends. Apparently, there was a question regarding the fact that I “laughed a little too loud and boisterously” (phrases like that stick in your mind for the whole of time!) Why would I want to work with people like this? Cause it was my dream job.

I ended up getting the job (during my second interview I barely cracked a smile, wore an overpriced suit, carried a bag that I saw in the director’s office and was exactly what I thought she wanted me to be.) Needless to say, the position sucked. My new boss, well, she was the devil. I needed to lose 25 pounds, was advised to buy an entirely new trendy and labeled wardrobe, told that my friendly and outgoing nature needed to be tempered and more “business-like,” and basically I needed to change everything I was to work there. I stayed for six months…

I thought this was something that I had outgrown as I became more confident in myself and my abilities. Recently I was at a conference that had some breakout classes, including one on public speaking. I signed up thinking maybe they would have some suggestions to make sure I wouldn’t break out in hives every time I had to speak in front of groups. Fortunately I spent a bit of time in my youth singing and performing and have been told I’m actually quite good presenting.

As I sat through this session I was listening to the speaker teach everyone how to become cookie cuttered mimeographs of the person next to them. Stand rigidly with both feet pointing straight forward (including one guy who was a bit bowlegged and actually had to physically change his stance making him uncomfortable and awkward,) hands firmly at your sides in “home” position and pointedly emphasizing certain parts of your statements.

I looked around the room at everyone melding themselves to this ideal, and realized how sad the world of business would be if we all stood feet forward, hands to our sides, speaking in a “compelling monotone that draws the audience in.” The greatest successes are innovators and individuals who made their own name for themselves. While this is what you are supposed to strive to be, almost all entry level training and knowledge is teaching us how to fall in line

What is it about business that makes us feel like we have to play the game like everyone else to get ahead?

Special thanks to the Life Without Pants blog where this first appeared in partiality as a comment to his post “How Far Are You Willing To Go For Your Dream Job“.

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  • Susan Pogorzelski

    Elisa: I think I saw the beginning of this post as a comment on a blog and the story intrigued me then. Thanks for expanding on it; I think a lot of people can learn from your experience.

    I was in a not-so-similar, but familiar situation. I stayed six months in that position as well, after which I learned not to compromise who I am for anyone, any job — especially if it completely changes you, especially if that change isn't for the better.

    It took me almost two years to recover from that experience and rediscover who I am. Since then, I've vowed to stay true to myself. I think, in the end, that's what's important. Sacrifices and compromises are part of life, but I don't believe in sacrificing what's important — the core of who you are. I may be naive in saying this, but I just don't believe it's worth that.

    There's so much I want to say in response to this post, but I'll stop there. Suffice it to say, I think you made a great decision. And this is a terrific post with so much to think about. Thanks for writing it, thanks for asking those questions, and thanks for sharing!

  • Elisa

    Susan – Yes, this started as a comment to the Life Without Pants blog. I've had the rest as a draft for a couple weeks, then they just seemed to fit together!

    I don't think it's naive to want to be in a job that allows you to be yourself. I think it's sad that somehow we are expected to sell out early on and "pay our dues" by accepting lives that are not our own.

    I'm glad you were able to discover the core of who you are and make a decision that worked for you. I'm still working on what I want to be when I grow up, if I figure it out I'll let you know! :)

  • Grace Boyle

    Wow, I was just talking about this on a post I wrote on friendship: being yourself. I have thought about this over and over and it always comes down to being honest and real will land you the job of your choice in the end.

    I liked hearing your story and although it didn't work out, hindsight is always 20/20 right?

  • Paul Doucette

    Hey sweetie, I know of where you speak. I took a Public Speaking course in college not that long ago and they taught the same thing. Funny thing is when I started speaking for meeting presentations and took some ministry speaking classes, they taught the exact opposite. You are not supposed to just stand there and not move. You will put your audience asleep. Which talk or presentation do you remember more, the one the person just stands there and drones on or the one where they offering themselves as part of the talk?

  • Sam

    Elisa: I'm sorry you had that experience, but I'm glad that you've learned so much from it. In my opinion, no job is worth changing who you are at your core. Sure, if you need to dress more formally, that's one thing. But, laughing and smiling are good things, and your laugh is part of what makes you, you.

    As for the public speaking workshop, I agree that a completely cookie cutter workplace would be a bad thing. However, with something like public speaking, you can take the standard guidelines and make them your own, add your own personality. Just because there are rules, doesn't mean we have to follow them. Glad you turned that comment into this post!

  • Matt Cheuvront

    I apologize that it took me so long to get to this post Elisa. It raises a very interesting point. I could get off in a tangent but I'll keep it brief. What you bring up makes me question the overall value of college. We're taught so much structure and order throughout our lives, only to realize that if you want to be more than a cog in the system, you have to be innovative, you have to be different. I'm really learning that now.

    While I REALLY need a full time job, I'm not desperate. Why? Because I'm making a little money doing freelance work and I know my worth – call it over-entitled or whatever you want, but I know that I'm better than settling for anything that may come along. What that allows is for me to completely be myself during interviews and when I'm under review. If they don't like the REAL me, screw em' – I know someone will, and THAT'S the company I want to work for.

  • Elisa

    Hey All! Sorry it took ME so long to reply, I’m in Vermont traveling this week (for a job that likes me for me!)

    Grace – ha, yes, hindsight is a very valuable and yet very dangerous thing. As you mentioned, as long as you learn something from it and move on then you are using it correctly. If you start living in the past, however, 20/20 can get to be a bad thing. The secret is learning when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, knowing when to walk away and when to run (couldn’t resist, hindsight has taught me that classic rock lyrics will answer ALL of life’s questions!)

    PDiddy – You bring up an EXCELLENT point! Public speakers who stand rigidly or sternly in front of the class remind me of that horrible teacher I had in 5th grade that made people stick gum to the chalkboard and put their nose in it (remember her…she was terrible!!!)

    Sam – I agree, I think they were probably trying to explain some of the basics to people there for a public speaking course. And in speaking to a few other colleagues in the same role as I am, they got a lot out of the course. I don’t know if it is because of my background in performance or what, but much of what she was teaching seemed like a step backwards for me. And a few others in the room (one of which I have seen command a room of over 250 with his presence, which the leader was attempting to revert back.) It made me a little sad that people were actually thinking that this staid and repeated approach is how things SHOULD be done, rather than teaching this as basics and then urging people to bring a little/lot of themselves into their presentation.

    Matt – I don’t think that view is over-entitled at all. I’ve seen over entitled in my line of work (a woman who refused to take a particular position (which I hold now) because she had an MBA and really “they should have been offering her a higher level of management,” the whole sexist men are able to perform certain jobs better than women because of their “inherent value as men,” businesses that no longer cater to their clients and help them because they have grown to be successful in their mediocrity and have “earned it,” etc etc.) I think what you are experiencing is very healthy, as much as it might suck.

    I agree very much in that the college experience that we are taught definitely does NOT prepare us for the real world outside. I’ve said many a time before that I think that we are forced into college right out of high school (seriously, how many 18 year olds REALLY know what they want to do for the next 30-40 years of their lives?!), still made to live within a world of structure and bells and teachings of how to be just like everyone else, and then shoved out into the real world only to learn that you were never really ready to be there in the first place.

    Hrmm…I feel another post coming on from a comment with you Matt… :=)

  • Burnsy

    RE: College

    There is an element of truth in what you say about college not really preparing you for the real world. Every college – from SMCC to Stanford – is a self-involved microcosm that bears no real resemblance to the outside world. Would it be better if there were more practical experiences than debating feminist thought of the late 18th century Estonia? Absolutely. When I graduated from college I felt like I had been tossed under a bus. I had no practical experience – how DO you cold call 500 volunteers? – and I learned a lot about the cold reality of adulthood over the next eight months. Since that first job, I now work in retail. Did I NEED to have a 4 year degree in order to get the job I have? No. But I can guarantee that I would not be the person I am today without those 4yrs I spent in college and consequently would not have found my true passion in retail.

    Moral of the story: While maybe not the best preparation for how to be a responsible adult, college is the perfect place for young adults to develop a core sense of who they are. That's the core that's going to allow them to decide when a job situation is right or wrong for them.