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Bumper Cars Is No Way To Meet Men

27 August 2009 13 Comments

My driving day started maneuvering through two parked cars on my pretty narrow city side street. Idiot, there’s only parking on one side of the road for a reason.

It continued at Target in South Portland. The spaces are approximately the width of a Pinto, so pulling my Jeep in is generally a tight fit. However, when the car next to me parks crooked we are all in trouble. When the woman in the car next to me walks out to her car at the same time as me and spend 3 minutes getting her child strapped into a car seat I quietly sit in my Jeep and check my email cause obviously I can’t back out. When she pounds on my window and berates me for “parking so close that I put her and her child in danger” I lose my cool a little and inform her if she had only waited 45 seconds for me to back out we’d all have saved ourselves about 5 minutes. I don’t think she agrees.

Then there was the gaggle of teenage girls loitering IN THE MIDDLE of the road giggling, flipping their hair and popping out parts of their body that haven’t even hit the point in puberty where they pop naturally. They screamed and glared at me for the audacity I had to be driving on a public road.

Which is why I am so ashamed that I almost caused a pretty good game of bumper cars today rubbernecking to check out a cute businessman on a motorcycle.

He wasn’t quite this overdressed. Grey suit pants, a white button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows…seriously, what is my issue? On top of general unsafe driving, I now add scoping out men to my list!

Most importantly, as I was discussing with my friend on Twitter, I am scoping out a man that I will never run into (no pun intended) again. Why is this finding boys thing so hard? As she so eloquently stated, I’m apparently looking for: “The business-suit wearing, motorcycle-riding, geeking-out-on-tech guy? So there. We’ll ignore the unavailable part.”

Anyone know of someone kicking around out there? :)
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  • David

    "The business-suit wearing, motorcycle-riding, geeking-out-on-tech guy"

    He sounds like an awesome guy! Hell if I were gay I would date him because he's basically me! And how could I not get along with myself? Although romancing oneself is a bit creepy, but we would have a lot in common!

  • Elisa

    Ha! Were you in South Portland at the intersection by the airport? Maybe it WAS you!

  • Susan Pogorzelski

    I LOVE this. This cracks me up but also rings so true. I know we kind of talked about it, but what is it about those kind of men? Maybe it's because they kind of represent the whole package — business suit shows they're responsible, the motorcycle has that "bad boy" appeal, and the geekery is loveable. Whether this is all true or not might remain to be seen, but it's a nice image to believe in, that it does/might exist.

    You never know if you'll meet this guy again — nor will you know if the idea of him is better (or worse) than the real thing. But at least you have an idea of what you're looking for. No harm in that :)

    And those girls in the middle of the road? I feel for you. Nothing annoys me more than those doing something idiotic, then blaming you. I hope you honked their gaggle. =P

  • Elisa

    Susan – I think that's it exactly. Especially for us. The dream of the whole package and thinking that it's perfect. Responsible and good, on the edge and bad, and adorable.

    I really think the idea will be better than the real thing. Cause perfection is a delicate pedestal to have to be on, it isn't really fair of us to ask of anyone. As soon as they do something that doesn't quite fit, they're headed out the door!

    You are right though, I learned long ago that I want a man who has got many different levels to his personality. THAT I don't think is so much to ask for. :)

  • Carlos Miceli

    I don't drive, but I take cabs everywhere I need to arrive with class. I'm all of the rest though, let me know if that works for ya :P

  • Elisa

    Carlos – For you I'd trade the bike for the accent. But only for you…and probably Colin Firth. :)

  • Sara

    Love… find yourself a suit-wearing tech geek and then TEACH him to ride a motorcycle! LOL

  • Elisa

    Sara – Haha, that's I good point I could just do that. :)

  • RdGarnet

    "cute businessman on a motorcycle."

    I can only imagine. Geek, cool and sexy. I would be rubbernecking too!! 8-)

  • David

    Nope, I was nowhere near Portland yesterday. But if I had been, I would have ridden my bike over the annoying teenage girls loitering in the middle of the road.

  • Rachael

    Elisa a word to the wise – people do change. I fell in love with a red wine swilling, political science majoring intellectual snob. 4 years later he is an adventure sports enthusiast, business owning, start-up creating, yoga teaching, marketing and web design guy.

    I'm with Sara, find a guy that fits some of the criteria and sit back and watch him morph into something totally different and cooler than you could have dreamed.

  • Sam

    Oh Elisa, you're awesome! Not only do I love that you share these stories, I love the way you share them. So well written!

    As cliche as it sounds, maybe you're looking too hard for Mr. Right. I found my guy when I wasn't looking for anyone at all. Just a thought.

  • Katie West/ The Levity Coach

    Funny Post Elisa!

    GO for the rubber necking (minus any traffic causing issues)…you NEVER know where it will lead.

    Do you remember the section in the Casco Bay Weekly "Missed you…" of these near sightings. It was my favorite. Not sure if the phoenix has it.