Why Every Guy Needs A Girl…Friend
No, I’m not on a mission to take everyone and make sure they’re able to get on the Ark before the New Year. This isn’t a post about finding a mate, relationship, or even a date for a Saturday night. It is about finding that special friend to round out your mantourage…the “not-man.” She is not necessarily drinking beers on Friday nights with you and your boys, but she is a confidante around which you can wholly be yourself.
She may be single or taken, cause that is the most important part of a Girl…Friend. You’ve spent a lot of time developing the friendship beyond that whole “Heh, you have boobies” stage into the point where you can truly utter the phrase “Eh, she’s not really a girl” cause that’s not how you see her. If you are still flirting with her or occasionally picturing her in a Jinx-esque two-piece coming up on a sandy beach, then you have most definitely not progressed to the point where she is actually a Girl…Friend.
A true Girl…Friend is hard to find. A lot of girls think they have entered the Girl…Friend realm, but upon surveying and crawling into the minds of far too many a guy, I learned that even those girls they were friendly with were not really a Girl…Friend. Even if they didn’t act (or attempt to act) on it, if they are thinking of you in anything but a platonic manner then they definitely are not viewing you as “just a pal.”
So why bother? If it takes so much work for a guy to have (or a girl to be) a Girl…Friend what can possibly be gained? The short answer is A LOT. A true Girl…Friend is only somewhat similar to your boys, she still maintains some of those girl characteristics that you don’t always get in the locker room at the gym (nor some of those nasty fungal infections!)
- The best and most obvious reason for a Girl…Friend? She “gets” girls! Things like that weird girl behavior of squealing and jumping around while you watch in horror at the regression to 7th grade DOES serve a purpose. A quick nudge to the arm and wink from your Girl…Friend lets you know that they are squealing and jumping because of something you did. Feel good and wipe the sweat from your brow.
- A Girl…Friend will see sincerely compliment you on your clothes/actions/work/etc. It is part of that “gentler” nature, a lot of girls actually enjoy being nurturing towards the people they care about. Sure, your guy friends might try to encourage or compliment you, but it is with a slightly less nurturing and more “punch in the arm that kinda leaves a mark” sort of way.
- You finally get to tell someone about different pieces of the “Bro-Code.” Things like when your Girl…Friend gets asked out but totally doesn’t get that she just got bait-and-switched into the date or why exactly fart jokes make you spurt milk out your nose like a 12-year-old boy. You’ll finally get to be like Mr. Miyagi, except much younger and obviously sexier!
- Though it is hard to fathom you occasionally need be given harsh truths. Your guy friends might go straight for the kill, not take it as seriously or become the complete jerks that make you love them in a “completely manly way.” Your Girl…Friend knows you, and can somehow tell you in a kinder way that you are being an ass. She’ll always aim for the belt, never below it.
- No one has ever “manned up” by having a long conversation about his hopes, dreams, loves, fears over beer nuts at the local pub with the boys. Yet your Girl…Friend is totally in her element to talk and vent and listen. Be careful though, if you call on her too much, she may need to refer to the above belt point.
Your Girl…Friend is one of the most indispensable to your “friend arsenal,” but it’s a difficult relationship to attain. Of course, not every girl is able to make the leap, and not every girl should. Sometimes, the perfect candidate to be your Girl…Friend is more adequately suited to be your GirlFriend.
Stay tuned next week for the partner to this post, Why Every Girl Needs a Boy…Friend
Love it! I think you picked the right boys brains in conducting research for this post.
I fully agree with everything you said. I especially love the part about a girl…friend telling you when you’re being an ass, but in a kinder/gentler way than your male counterparts will. "She'll always aims for the belt, never below it" – well said!
Although I tried turning a girl…friend into a girlfriend and that didn’t work out so well.
OMG Elisa its like you were in on a conversation I was having with one of my best boy…friends. I couldn't help but smile at how right you are on this.
Well done on another superb post
Love it, love it, love it.
-x-
You are right on the money with the entire post. It's too bad most guys seem to be unable to enter that stage. The "she's got boobs" part of their brain usually takes over at some point. Thought I had some really great guy friends in the past and that I was the very platonic friend but then heard through the grapevine that it wasn't so. Guys need to smarten up!!
Great post. I have to read more of this blog now.
This post totally made me laugh out loud, Elisa. But I agree, every guy needs one.
@noblegnome: I think it's entirely possible to have a platonic relationship. Guys do catch feelings but I think they know they can't have every girl they like. Sometimes the feelings pass and the friendship is usually retained if you don't start acting like the guy is a freak for even liking you in the first place.
David – It was scary inside some of those minds, oddly refreshing inside some others, and a couple that kept me up far too late emailing back and forth!
As for the girl…friend metamorphosis, like any other relationship sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Just the idea that if you are close enough to a girl but can't get past the "feelings down there" (in your heart, obviously) then maybe you might wanna try the "other kind."
LisaMarie – It's great that you have a best boy…friend. I'm a big proponent of the cross-gendered friendships, but it's a delicate and time-intensive thing. Doesn't just happen.
NobleGnome – I get what you are saying, I fall victim to that a bit myself. If you let yourself become close enough friends with a guy and then you find out that the whole time he was just trying to "land you" there's a feeling kinda like betrayal. It's difficult to learn that someone that you trusted maybe had something else in mind.
Valerie – Was it the locker room fungal infections part…cause that stuff is real! As for the platonic relationship, I agree that it is very possible. But it was freaky as I surveyed more guys how many said that there were girls in their lives/past that "thought" they were girl…friends but in actuality there was no way the guy ever thought of them that way. I think I might be leaking part of the Bro-Code…this could result in ninjas coming after me!
I thought I used to be the only one who did this, but I guess not.
Unfortunately, many of these platonic relationships we share with other people are ruined not because of the whole 'she's got boobs' idea, but rather because of a person of the same sex not being okay with the friendship (ie your girlfriend not being okay with it).
And that is certainly tough. I'm getting married in 2 months and my girlfriend has no problem with who I hang out with, or when. I count myself as lucky in this regard.
Great insights here…
actually, i've written the same blog too, weeks ago… hope u can check it too.
http://thebulletedsomething.blogspot.com/
Ryan I think I know what u mean ive had a couple of guy mates where the girlfiends have stopped them talking to lil old me. But these are guys ive either gone to the soccer (or as us brits call it football) with or are guys ive worked with.
-x-
Five years ago, I probably would have agreed wholeheartedly on this topic!
Over the past five years though, I have learned that there are guys out there who are able to be a friend to a guy while achieving all of those positive aspects of the "Girl…..Friend." I call it being a really great friend – guy or girl.
I don't think guys can girls can be "just friends." I spent almost 2 years telling everyone that my now wife was "just a friend."
Its just too tough to get over as, you say "Heh, boobies" or "heh, no boobies" as the case might be.
Ryan – While I see your point, I would counter with the fact that if you have a Girl…Friend that is of the same close caliber that I'm describing here (not the "hey, I hang out with guys a lot" but a GOOD friend) I'd be hardpressed to agree that a SO should dictate who you are friends with.
This could be just me (and why you are getting married in 2 months and I'm still picking up guys in supermarkets!) but if my boyfriend tried telling/urging/suggesting I choose between him and my friends, I'm pretty sure he would not like where the next convo went. I've done it before, absolutely would do it again!
John – Hrm, that is an interesting perspective. I agree with a few of the things on your list, and obviously the fact that certain guys and girls should be friends. Not sure I agree that guys make the best friends (though they do round out my circle of friends) I think each side has some great things to offer. I'll have the list of why every girl needs a boy…friend later this week.
Joe – True, the list isn't to say that guys DON'T offer those things. However, I don't know if it's societal or scientific, I DO know that it's sometimes tough for guys to show their "softer" side cause they "aren't supposed to." When a boy falls off his bike it's "Suck it up, you're ok" and when a girl falls off it's "Come here honey, are you ok?" I especially learned this in a summer camp environment where people almost always subconsciously did this.
And I do think that MOST guys and girls can't be friends, or close friends as I'm alluding to. I know that some of the guys I hang out with are friends, but definitely not as close as I am to two of them. But those two ARE good friends, and they have no desire to pursue anything. Both are quite happily with others in fact. I think that sometimes a friend that we get closer to thinking it's "just friends" ends up being much more cause the attraction of friendship takes on a whole new "attraction." Or it was there from the beginning and you never wanted to admit it. I mean, you're supposed to marry your best friend, right?
Elisa I'm kind of an example of both sides of the argument. Of my close friends the majority have always been guys. Even now that I have a son he has far more 'uncles' than 'aunts'. They are far more honest and straight forward than girls.
By the same token of my many 'boy….friends' many of them were BoyFriends for a while. My best boy…friend is now other half and father of my son.
Guys and girls CAN be just friends especially when you aren't single – then the temptation isn't there.
Rachael – Yes, I would agree that one or both parties being "unavailable" can help the whole equation. And as I mentioned, the best Boy/Girl…Friend could end up being the best Boy/GirlFriend. Again, you are supposed to marry your best friend, right?
Great post!! So true!! Guys do need a Girl….Friend. But I think some are just scared they might turn into something more than a friend.
**Standing Ovation**
This is awesome, I totally love it! You missed something though. The ideal Girl…Friend will watch sports with you because she wants to and she understands them, and she won't make you change the channel. (aka why you and I rock!)
Elisa, this post is a treat. I enjoy having male…friends around. Like you say, it helps to have someone of the opposite gender to ask those silly questions to. Example: why do you need a wing man? Things of that nature.
Great post!
p.s. you're one of my favorite blogs on my Top 5 Blogs this week!
hey Elisa!
yea definitely awesome post! I have one bgff who I don’t know what I’d do without !