…say something useful.

I know Mom, it’s supposed to be “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all” but I’m here to say that that phrase is outdated and detrimental. See, as a core society we’ve bought into the idea that anything that we say to each other has to be covered in candy coating or come wrapped with a pretty little ribbon.  Most nice statements don’t carry weight anymore.  “I’m Sorry” and “Thank You” are throw away statements that most don’t mean and “I love…” is a convoluted mess.

I’m not advocating for everyone to now go on a free-for-all saying every  nasty, rude and unsavory thing they have been longing to get off their chest in the cruelest way possible. I don’t see much need for malice in communication, unless of course you are dissing my New England Sports teams, in which case I cannot be held accountable for my words or actions.

Instead I am advocating for open dialogue and respectful discussion.  Encouraging people by challenging them rather than enveloping them in blankets of warm fuzzies which in reality do nothing but hinder our advancement.   Writing compelling arguments to someone’s theory rather than such brilliant statements as “That’s just dumb.”  Taking the time to listen and digest (or read and digest) what someone is truly and wholly saying rather than attempting to reply to one sentence out of context or assume you know.

Being falsely nice is like keeping an employee who isn’t performing their job duties as they should.  You aren’t helping the company by keeping them on.  And even more importantly you aren’t helping the employee who is so obviously wasted in this work relationship when they could be excelling somewhere else.  They’re miserable cause they know, you’re miserable cause you know, but no one dares to say anything.

And fighting dirty just makes you look foolish and ignorant in anything you say.  This includes such fantastic debating tools as blanket statements, prejudices, backhanded compliments and assumptions.  Facts and logic are the only things that truly win an argument.  Especially when they are presented in a manner in which all parties leave wiser, not as little missiles to fire at your opponent.

Really, the world could be such a better place if we actually just laid things out on the table and had REAL conversations with each other instead of living a life of pretense.  I have built the Webb around this idea and will absolutely dialogue with ANYONE who wants to have meaningful conversation.

I’m all for the idyllic beauty of life, but I refuse to relinquish reality to achieve it.

Photo Credit: Getty Images:Bengt-Goran Carlsson

Did you know I have a private newsletter that goes out ONLY to subscribers? It offers stories of travel adventures, writing brilliance, links to great content around the internet and other crazy shaningans.

Subscribe to Writing on the Webb to Receive Exclusive Updates