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Fear and Ignorance Should Not Be Cornerstones

9 November 2009 15 Comments

High school dances are supposed to be fun and light.  They are where you go to try to make out a little under the bleachers and dance the night away with your girlfriends to the Grease remix.

They are not nights to be gang-raped by 5 men (if you are old enough to be so inhumane as to GANG RAPE a 16 year old woman then hell YES you will be tried as an adult) in the parking lot behind the school.

While the idea of gang rape is enough to turn my stomach fully inside out and make me want to throw up (a lot) in my mouth THAT ISN’T THE WORST PART OF THIS STORY.  The worst part is the dozen or more people that stood by and WATCHED IT HAPPEN.  Were they laughing?  Were they taking photos?  Were they awkwardly shifting their weight from one foot to the other knowing that this was wrong on so many hundreds of thousands of levels but scared to do anything about it?

Cornerstones

It’s  easy for us to pass judgment on this act.  We, as impartial uninvolved third party observers, know that it is wrong.  But we weren’t there, scared of what would happen if we were the ones who tried to slink away to make a 911 call from the shadows.  We weren’t the ones desperately hoping someone else ANYONE ELSE would be the ones to stop it.  We weren’t the ones ignorant to the horror unfolding before our eyes.

As a resident of Maine I saw fear and ignorance take a firm grasp of voters last week.  I say fear and ignorance, because I believe VERY FEW people voted out of hate.  Unfortunately it didn’t stop on Tuesday.

We can react by lashing out and condemning the 53% of people who voted.  We can ignore the voices that were NEARLY as strong at 47%.  We can completely discount the hard work, dedication and unabashed belief of the volunteers and campaign workers who pushed for Marriage Equality.  We can let our own prides and prejudices fuel the fire of dissension and pain.

I, however, believe that we CANNOT continue to let fear and ignorance become the cornerstones for the foundation of our future.

Instead, we must find ways to intelligently and passionately revolutionize.  We must reach out and match jab for jab with blind love and compassion.  We must not let our personal opinions (no matter how real and beautiful and poignant they might be) become a backdrop for anger and judgment.

We must continue to stand up against the continued inequalities that have caused our society to become dependent on everyone else instead of thinking for ourselves.

I have faith in the good of humanity.  I have hope that one by one people will come to realize and see past the smoke and mirrors.  I believe that in the end, LOVE will be the power that conquers fear and ignorance.

For my Bible-quoting friends, I leave you with this little ditty (see, I fight with scripture too…and this one is frequently used AT marriage ceremonies)

1 Corinthians 13:13 – And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Photo Credit: Stacia’s Photography

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  • http://samdavidson.net/blog Sam Davidson

    Well put. In the end, love wins. We don’t know when “the end” will be, but I have a firm belief that love will win. It has to.
    .-= Sam Davidson´s last blog ..Friday Quick Hits – 11.6.09 =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      It is much stronger than we sometimes realize. And it is one of the first things we lose our belief in when we are shaken. Fortunately it is most definitely stronger than us, we just have to learn to lean into it.

  • Amy

    So well said it is crazy! The greatest of them is love, it’s what makes us get up in the morning, go to work and live life. Wether it’s a love of life or living with the love of your life. The one that makes me sad is the fear part. Why are people so afraid to let others in? Why is it so difficult to realize that love is love no matter who is in it or has it. It’s not bad, or wrong or even gross just because it’s of the same gender. Some of the most adorable and fantastic couples I know are gay, some are examples to live by for relationships. I was sad Wednesday November 4th to wake up to 53% of Maine being afraid and ignorant, but I was really proud of the 47% that was willing to step outside and open their hearts to love.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      This may be my favorite comment of your on here. :)

      It is very important to remember the 47% and be proud of them. It’s far too easy to write about the bad parts, we so often forget the good ones. And we do it so much that when we are finally faced with the tough decisions and situations, we defer to the bad. It’s what we’re familiar with. And familiar is safe.

      There are so many things in life that are about doing the right thing, which are definitely not always easy.

  • http://doniree.com Doniree

    That was both chilling and moving. My thoughts go out to the girl, the victim of those atrocious acts.

    And I agree – we must fight back harder but with love.

    Thought-provoking piece, miss.
    .-= Doniree´s last blog ..Pleased to Meet Me* =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      I once uploaded a Facebook Bumper Sticker…one of the most poignant I’ve ever seen:

      Hate is Easy, Love takes Courage.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Extremely well said here. I am with you in that last week’s vote against Gay Marriage in Maine was not predominately fueled by hate, but, as you said, by fear and ignorance. Overall – we all fear what we do not understand, we are inherently resistant to change – but, there is real change happening in this country, and around the world, change inspired by the words and actions of our Generation.

    Resistance toward change is nothing new – it will forever be a process that takes time to enact. But, as we have accomplished time and time again, I have no doubt that we will continue to come together as a nation and achieve equality for all.

    Thanks for this – very inspiring Elisa.
    .-= Matt Cheuvront´s last blog ..The Amazing Five Minute Blog Review | Beth Oppenheim-Chan – 25 & Trying =-.

  • http://silencebehindcloseddoors.blogspot.com Cheila

    I feel you about the marriage voting in Maine. We do have fear, and some of us ignorance. But the truth here is Maine is not the won who has fear. They took a stand. They were brave enough to even try to make a change towards the situation. I give a standing ovation to Maine, despite the narrow loss. But at least they tried. Those who have fear and ignorance, unfortunately is the others states that are not willing to stand up in what they believe in. To make a change. If the state was able to have Racial equality, then I believe we should fight more for marriage equality. Great post girl. It gave me chills just reading it.

    **STANDING OVATION**

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Cheila, thanks SO much for the “vote” of confidence in the State of Maine. I’ve written on a few other blogs how proud I was to be a resident and voting citizen of Maine and how ignorant it is to berate the State for it’s “decision.”

      Instead of focusing on the near loss of real change why not focus instead on HOW CLOSE we came to making change a reality! And then work towards monopolizing on what was almost a majority vote! And then seeing the change happen!

      Thanks for the positive and reaffirming spin on what was a very sad day for many of us here in Maine.
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..BlogCrush – Sean Ogle =-.

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  • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan

    Elisa:

    Great post. GREAT post. This kind of event is tragic and horrific and, truth be told, I’m sickened when I hear such stories. Whatever happened to empathy? Whatever happened to compassion? Whatever happened to community? We have become so passive in our culture, so afraid to speak up, speak out, so afraid of whatever repercussions when the acts themselves seem far, far worse. This society has become one where we’re for ourselves. No longer do we look out for each other’s well-being, but, rather, only our own, only when it affects us. Are we forgetting that it all affects us? Each and every one of us?

    It’s heartbreaking; it’s maddening. I’m glad that there are those who are standing up and speaking out because it cannot go on. We’re ruining ourselves; we’re ruining our future. I wish I could articulate how angry this makes me, but I really think you spoke so well for many. Thanks, Elisa.
    .-= Susan´s last blog ..Taking A Stand: We Are Their Voice =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Susan – I think you hit the nail right on the head. We have become afraid. We are letting fear take ahold of our minds and thus letting things happen even when we KNOW they are wrong.

      I am also a firm believer that all fear is rooted in ignorance, not the unknown. There is little truly unknown in this information overloaded society. Instead there is more ignorance about issues and thus a fear built around misconceptions/untruths/misrememberings.

      And therein lies the issue and truth of how we are allowing fear and ignorance to become the cornerstones of our society.

  • Paul

    Well written and well said. You know I agree with all you have said and supported the cause myself by making phone calls at the beginning of the campaign. I think it is too bad that people were voting more out of the fear that was raised by the Yes on 1 than on the issue of equality. 97% of their commercials were that our children were going to be taught about gay marriage in the schools. Unless schools have changed a lot, they are not taught that much about marriage until at high school. Hopefully by then, they will be adult enough and have been in the world enough to know that gays as well as straight people do make committments to each other (hopefully for life). Before that the thought of anything that speaks of sex taught in schools brings a huge outcry. I know sex ed is taught in like 6th grade and that contraceptives are handed out in some middle schools, but remember the outcry when that happened. I do hope and pray that when the issue comes before the voters again (and it will) that the equality group does speak to those who fear that their children will be taught stuff they don’t them to hear about. As you know I could go on and on about this but will end it with the love 2 people have for each other should be celebrated whether it is 2 straight people or 2 gay people. I feel that God only sees that they love each other.

  • Tom Bulger

    Loved it. As usual. Do you think you should send it to the herald? I’m sure it speaks for many.

  • http://25andtrying.wordpress.com Beth

    Is it totally lame that I cried when reading this post?
    Either way, I really loved it. I think that the hardest part these days is the pessimism that many feel about the ability of positive thinking and positive revolution has to change the world. Ultimately, I think you are right – we have to really dig deep to make good things happen, but also to believe in those that are doing good.

    Really powerful post, I absolutely love your writing style.

    ~Beth