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Happiness Exists In The Middle

27 November 2009 15 Comments

I grow tired of everyone assuming that living in the middle is a life unfulfilled.

Let’s face it…I’d say that 95% of us will never achieve the fame and fortune that we once dreamed of, exactly as we dreamed it.  Which is devastating to our gentle young professional generation.  As a group we were raised to get medals for participation (not winning) at every sports banquet.  Sliding scales and bell curves graded our work “more fairly.”  We’re taught that you should try to find Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome to find true love (even though there is only a sliver of the population that fits this image we have in our minds.)  We grew up believing anything is possible, if we just try hard enough.

Some of us learned in college, some learned just out of it, some of us are only now learning or still haven’t learned that this isn’t usually the way life shakes down.  Yet we set ourselves up time and again to write the great American novel, discover the next “get rich quick” scheme, meet Mr. TDH in a “made only for romantic comedies” scene and fall desperately in love to make lots of babies, or walk onto the Pats.  There’s a reason I still choke up a little 3,927 views later when Wild Thing steps onto the field to face his nemesis Parkman in Major League II.  We long to know that it is “real.”  That people overcome their adversities and challenges to achieve their own rockstardom.

So if we are most likely not going to achieve our dreams exactly as we envision them, why should we even bother, right?

Fallen

We should still try and learn and grow because even if we aren’t the absolute best at what we originally set out to do, it is safe to assume the other extreme is not true either.  In other words, we probably won’t be the worst at it either.  We need to learn to find happiness in the space that lies here in the middle.

I don’t believe in settling while we are in the middle either.  As I wrote in final response to Carlos Miceli’s post that inspired this one: “Settling is what happens when stuff ceases to move. I will listen to your ideas most definitely, but unless someone compels me with a great argument,  I refuse to believe that a happy life is one that is not in motion.”

We measure far too much of our success and failure by what others think.  We push for what we think are our dreams, completely oblivious to the realities and circumstances surrounding us.  We adhere to a life of all or nothing, which is an exhausting existence to live.

Instead I urge to embrace the middle.  To constantly adapt and adjust your dreams and beliefs when compelled for good cause.  To never settle and never progress blindly.  That we not live a life without motion nor constantly spinning.

Photo Credit: Getty Images: Michael Hall

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  • http://lifeaftercollege.org Jenny Blake

    Elisa – I think this is such an important reminder. As my college professor said in her graduation speech this year:

    Enduring happiness comes from embracing the on-going push and pull of typical days –
    From finding beauty in the mundane,
    From celebrating the small moments of contentedness,
    From understanding that 100,000 “pretty good” days is better than 6 “amazing” days.

    I agree wholeheartedly. I think sometimes we strive so much for the “six amazing” days or the BIG accomplishments we dreamed of as kids that we forget how much richness there is in everyday life and in what we’ve already accomplished (even if we’re not #1 in our field, like you said).

    Given that most of our days and lives are “in the middle” – it is definitely in our best interest to find happiness there. Here. Now. Not just hold our breath until we reach some future state or status.
    .-= Jenny Blake´s last blog ..Thank You =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jenny- So very true. We spend so much time holding our breaths and waiting “til it’s perfect” or “til it’s amazing” and we miss everything that is happening around us. You see people like that all too often, those who are always wishing and hoping for “what if” instead of realizing “what is.”

      Those 100,000 moments ARE perfect and amazing in their own way, if we’d only take the time to see them that way.

  • http://www.mrorrsclassroom.com Jeremy Orr

    First off, nice post.
    Second off, it’s a holiday weekend, it’s quicker to retweet than comment. People will be back when the leftovers are polished off.
    Third off, I tear up every time Rudy sacks the quarterback, I know how you feel.
    Fourth off, I am an elementary school teacher. It is what I have always aspired to be. It will become a life in the middle only if I stop innovating, caring, and having fun. Sure, I have days when my life is on the down slope of the rollercoaster, but it’s still a rollercoaster. Those loop-de-loops are only great in contrast. As it has been said by better men than I, you have to take the sweet with the sour. I don’t long for better days, or pine over lovers lost, I am thankful for what I have got. Whether I am in the middle or not.
    .-= Jeremy Orr´s last blog ..Hello Class! =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jeremy – That’s a good point, I was a bit perplexed on the retweets. I’ve didn’t really think about the holiday weekend!

      Even though roller coasters have amazing loop-de-loops and scream-inducing falls most of the ride is getting up to the tops and falling down to the lows…the middle of the two planes. I’d say that you are in that fantastic place in the middle. You note you aren’t always wishing for the highs or living in the lows, but living each day to it’s fullest. Which is exactly what I’m hoping most people will do.

  • Amy

    Good post there chica! I think that you can be successful in different departments of you life. As far as a career, no I haven’t achieved what I wanted. Over the past year I’m still not sure what I want that to be. However, is I count my personal successes, I believe that I have achieved what I wanted, so far. I am always growing as a person and that is part of my success. If I believed that I have stopped growing then I have “failed” myself because I am cheating myself out of a lot of amazing life lessons. But I am kind, generous, loving, clumsy, procrastinator, daughter, sister, and human. I’m proud of these successes because they make me… me. Without them I would be wandering around still trying to find myself. Unfortunately, one of my favorite quotes is from “Jerry Maguire”. His mentor says at the end of the movie, “Hey, I don’t have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.” I love this quote because it’s true. We “fail” as much as we succeed. I don’t care who you are. But at the end of the day if you realize it and still love life, you have succeeded :)

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Amy – That Jerry Maguire quote brings to mind my favorite “success” quote…Success: To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

      I know it’s a long one, but it really IS my favorite. Why don’t we have it hanging somewhere here? I’m gonna have to fix that…

      I really enjoyed the rest of your insight, too. Without the ups and the downs we don’t learn some of the most important lessons about ourselves. So you’ve gotta keep moving and trying for life beyond the absolute middle line/status quo.

  • Paul

    Great post my child. One thing that most people do is accept what ‘society’ says is successful. That may mean a house in the burbs with 2 cars in the garage and trips to Disney or a cruise each year or whatever. In reality, success should boil down to what you feel it is. Am I doing what I envisioned 30 some years ago. Not at all. Am I successful? I think so. I managed to graduate college even though it took 37 years to do it. And I did it because I wanted to for myself. Not for any other reason. I never have been to Disney but I think the vacations our family took were so more enjoyable than having to spend hours on end standing in line to get on a ride that lasted 15 minutes. I am for the most part happy with the way my life is. Sure I wish I had more money but who doesn’t. Even multimillionaires want more money. But the money my wife & I make are for the most part sufficient for our needs. We took 2 fabulous trips this summer and did not spend thousands of dollars to do so. (We do hope to some day take a trip that will cost thousands but it will be a once in a lifetime trip). So I agree with you to create your own success, embrace the middle of the road and be open to constantly changing what succes means.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      PDiddy – And you have the most amazing cats ever. Don’t forget THAT part. Even if one has social anxiety disorder and the other has hot spot baldness. :)

      You are very right, and I think a big piece of success lies in the happiness you feel from the accomplishment. It may not be what everyone ELSE thinks is successful, but what the hell does everyone else matter?! I’m definitely proud of you and Mom and all you’ve accomplished in your successes.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com Sam Karol

    Love this post! I’m totally with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the middle. In fact, those who find happiness in the middle might be the smartest people around. It’s great to set goals and work toward achieving your dreams, but not at the risk of missing out on life. I think all too often people get so caught up in making it to the top that they never take time to appreciate all that they have. We definitely spend way too much time comparing ourselves to others and measuring our success against theirs. I think embracing the middle is great advice, as long as we’re willing to adapt our plans. Honestly, those who spend forever working towards one specific goal might miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Fabulous insight as usual!
    .-= Sam Karol´s last blog ..Giving Thanks, Gen Y Style =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Thanks Sam, glad you enjoyed the post! I think it’s important the point that you bring up, and I’m glad you got from this. I’m not advocating for people to give up on the ideas of hopes and dreams. I think it is great for all of us to work on these, otherwise we will find ourselves in the “danger zone” of becoming stagnant and settling.

      However we HAVE to be ready and willing to adjust our goals and dreams and also take in everything happening around us. Who knows what we might miss waiting and wishing for someday instead of realizing what we have TODAY. And maybe we’d be even more successful and better at the “alternate” dream than we ever would have been at the original.

  • http://25andtrying.com Beth

    Great post! I definitely struggle with accepting the “middle.” the more i meet amazing young people doing amazing things, its hard to believe that we have to settle for what life brings. I think you bring up a great point. You can accept the middle while still trying to achieve things, and that is really the blessing.

    Great great ideas here.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Beth, you bring up something that I struggle with a lot too. Young people our age are doing amazing things and pushing forward and sometimes I look at them and think “Jeepers, what am I doing with my life?!”

      But the reality is that their circumstances, realities, heck their LIVES are different than mine. It’s part of this world of Joneses…we’re all trying to keep up and missing what is already all around us. Good luck in your quest to accept and live happy in the middle…I’m there with you!

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  • http://jocelynundivided.blogspot.com Jocelyn

    This is a really great post, and very true. Life doesn’t have to be movie-worthy to be wonderful or meaningful, to have beautiful moments, perfect moments, and we should focus more on appreciating “average” life, rather than being constantly unhappy, striving to be at the head of the pack in all ways possible. You can miss a lot of amazing things that way.
    .-= Jocelyn´s last blog ..To Berlin and Back Again, Twice: Part One =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      I quoted on someone else’s post of a similar topic the line from Beautiful Boy by John Lennon “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” You are so right, we can miss so much of the beauty focusing on what if instead of what is.