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I Got That Boom-Boom-Boom

16 November 2009 13 Comments

This past Thursday I had one of my full-on overwhelming chest tightening hands shaking can’t breathe can’t focus no good very bad panic attacks.  For anyone who has ever experienced this before, you feel my pain.  For those that think I’m crazy, panic is definitely not the smoking gun on that assertion.

I had been working my way up to the fear of my recent coaching session.  The title of this particular session was “Power – Inside and Out” and we were going to take time to investigate our own relationships with power.  When to claim our power and more importantly (for me) when to let our power go.

I have always had a bit of an issue with power.  While some people have issues stepping into their position as a powerful leader or person, I thrive in the position.  Having power, being in control, oozing confidence, influencing and encouraging others is absolutely my wheelhouse.  And as I sat in this session I knew that while others may be working to harness their power I was going to have to face my greatest fear.  I don’t do well when I lose control.

Puppet Master

Obviously while being a very natural and comfortable way of life for me, it isn’t always good.  When you don’t let yourself open up to others and be a little vulnerable, you miss out.  So over the next month I have my goal, my challenge if you will.  It is to get to a place that takes courage yet is liberating.  I keep trying to come up with a measurement, but not knowing it I’m not sure I’ll know how my progress is going til I get there.

I ask you, my blogging readers who are on the flip side from me.  You guys who are open to the beauty of vulnerability and a little less guarded than me.  How did you get there? Did you start there or did you have to work on it, too?

Oh, and at one point my life coach suggested that we really reflect on our relationship with power and how we are most comfortable with it.  In that space we had to listen to the quiet theme song that plays in the back of your head.  Yeah, when I’m in my zen and full and natural power, my theme song is Boom-Boom-Pow.  :)

Photo Credit: Getty Images: Siri Stafford

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  • http://lifeaftercollege.org Jenny Blake

    Thanks for starting the conversation :) This one is tough for me too – I love being in a leadership role and making things happen. For me it’s less about power, and more about seeing a way to do something (whether it’s my own life or a project at work) and wanting to move things forward. It can be hard for me to sit back and relax without getting impatient.

    On the beauty of vulnerability – it is a risk. It is a risk to put yourself out there, beyond your comfort zone (no matter how it compares to someone else’s). The times I have taken the risk, particularly with blogging, it has paid off. People could relate. They thanked me. And I realized we are all human and have similar needs, wants and insecurities. Those brave enough to be vulnerable (and I’m sure we can all think of examples of posts that touched us) are the ones who help make the path feel a little less scary for others around them. And that is such a gift to give to the world.

    Baby steps :)
    .-= Jenny Blake´s last blog ..Templates Galore! New to the Team: Wheel of Life – Coaching Exercise =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Jenny, I think the more appropriate response would be to thank YOU for starting this conversation since we’ve been having it between ourselves for the past 3 weeks! :)

      And you are right on the baby steps. I’m amazed and a little incredulous of folks who just throw every last semblance of caution and “common sense” to the wind to take a risk. But in the past 18 months I’ve become more and more comfortable doing that in more and more settings.

      The biggest hurdle and obstacle is the one you note, the letting people in and allowing myself to be vulnerable. I figure that is probably going to take time too.
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Blog Crush – Susan Pogorzelski =-.

  • http://silencebehindcloseddoors.blogspot.com cheila

    I really don’t have much to say about this post, only like Jenny said ” baby steps”. You guys, the one on my inspirational list, are my coaches. I learn bits and pieces from all of you. I know you are capable to do anything you set your mind to. You are a strong women. Member that “inspirational sparks” post I wrote? May I say more? :)
    .-= cheila´s last blog ..Dream Stalker: Unleashed =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Cheila – Aw, yes I remember that post. And I’m glad that you think so much of me, it is quite an honor to have. This is definitely a journey, this whole growing up thing. Some days we are good at it, some days we suck.

      In my current “day” I’m just working to believe that if I lean and depend on others and open up, I won’t end up hurt. Or worse, that my pride will remain in tact. Vulnerability is like a complete loss of pride, probably my greatest vice.
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Blog Crush – Susan Pogorzelski =-.

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    You had me at “boom, boom, boom.”

    Anyone who references my Black Eyed Peas in a post title is going to get me to click thru and reading it. (Now let me go back and actually read the post instead of commenting on something I know nothing about.)
    .-= David´s last blog ..Write Like No One Is Reading =-.

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    Ok, I’m back again. And now that I’ve read the post and not just got all excited at the song title, I think I can leave a more helpful comment…

    I had my first panic attack in ’07 (insert shameless plug http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2007/12/panic-attacks.html). They are definitely scary! So I feel for you.

    When it comes to power, I’m with Jenny when I say I enjoy leadership more than power. Of course with leadership comes power. I think you are either born a natural leader or you’re not. It’s more of a personality trait than a career move. However that is in my professional life.

    In my personal life, I’m ok with giving up power. I think when it comes to relationships and falling in love, you have to be open and allow yourself to be completely vulnerable to someone. It’s the greatest risk of all, but if you don’t ever take that risk, you are cheating yourself. You’ll never experience that deep emotional, mental, and physical connection with someone. That’s something you don’t want to miss out on in life, even if you only experience it once.
    .-= David´s last blog ..Write Like No One Is Reading =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      David – I would agree and say that I thrive in the power that leadership affords. I don’t even need to be the one doing everything, but I need to feel in control of my piece in the puzzle and preferably helping everyone else figure out their pieces as well.

      You know better than most how I cheat myself out of opportunities, and I’m well aware of it. They say awareness and acceptance are the first steps, right? Maybe that’s it…I need to smush yours and Jenny’s advice and create a 12-Step program for myself to overcome my control addiction.

      Hrmm…controlling the treatment of my control addiction might be a little counterproductive though…

  • Rikin

    I’m flattered and surprised that you even remembered my original post on panic attacks. Thanks so much for the link.

    Oddly enough I had a huge moment of panic and anxiety last week. This time it was more prolonged and lasted a few days. I still feel a little off balanced to be honest but getting back to normal.

    In regards to your post… I think you shouldn’t fight your lack of control. Embrace it. Know that every experience is unplanned and therefore will always allow room for every party to grow. If you’re always in control then you’re always putting on a show. Premeditation is too constrictive.

    Embrace the opportunity to learn and try to inspire others rather than lead them. I’d prefer to be the catalyst that allowed others to step up and take charge. That’s much more powerful than leading others.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Rikin – I have never forgotten that post, hopefully never will, because it was one of the first times that I’ve ever seen the reality I felt while going through panic attacks myself. It’s one of those taboo things, a mental illness of sorts, that many suffer thru but no one talks about. I was extremely heartened that you dared to write about such a personal issue.

      I think that a good leader, however, IS someone who motivates others to take charge. I think I definitely miswrote part of my post, in that it isn’t so much letting others excel in their own control and power as it is letting them strip me of mine. Thus the vulnerability. Can’t quite come to terms yet with the reality of letting people in enough to let them have control over me. Not that letting people in means that they control you, the potential is jsut there. And my experience to date in the vulnerability department has been disasterous at best.

      If it is at all possible I think this response is now more convoluted than the actual confusing message! :)
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Blog Crush – Susan Pogorzelski =-.

  • Amy

    I know how you feel. I hate giving up control in any aspect of my life. I may not get panic attacks but I have had hives and crying fits when my life doesn’t go along with my to do list. While I hate giving up control, it has happened because it has to happen. You are 100% correct. If you try to control everything you’ll miss the most exciting parts of life. Letting someone take care of you, watching people step out on their own for the first time, and knowing the joy of just sitting back. And if that’s not enough, think of it this way. In giving up control, you still have control. You know that you are giving up this thing, but you are aware of it. It’s very easy to say, “just give it up. you’ll be fine”. But the reality is, it’s scary, unpredictable, and if something happens it’s your fault. However, that’s life. Messy, bumpy, and if something happens… have a really good safety net. I know I do :)

  • http://doniree.com Doniree

    Thanks. Now I have that song in my head.

    And great post, lady :)
    .-= Doniree´s last blog ..Public Nuisance =-.

  • http://25andtrying.wordpress.com Beth

    I totally know this feeling… I definitely am a bit of a control freak. It’s funny that you mention how people “get” to the point of vulnerability, because at the same time that I am a control freak in my own life, I definitely defer to authority at work and don’t stand up for myself enough.

    Great ideas for getting help from others, perspective is really awesome when it comes to this type of thing.
    Great post!

  • http://doniree.com/ Doniree

    Thanks. Now I have that song in my head.

    And great post, lady :)
    .-= Doniree´s last blog ..Public Nuisance =-.