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Jousting With Windmills

14 December 2009 17 Comments

Don Quixote was an interesting man.

I mean really, the guy went out and tilted at (jousted with for all us folks not up on our Middle Aged fencing terms) windmills thinking they were giants attacking, their windmill blades giant arms flailing at the hero and his little friend Sancho Panza.  In the musical based on Cervantes book “The Man of La Mancha” we try to romanticize his quest with the now standard song “The Impossible Dream.” (PS – This is one of my favorite songs ever…don’t you dare judge me!)

But the truth is, and let me reiterate it, the dude jousted with windmills.  Now I’m not nearly as learned as Quixote, but I used to like to think that I would never be so foolish as to try to beat the crap out of a huge inanimate object.  I mean really, who would chase impossibility to the point of detriment to happiness, self confidence/image and sanity.

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Oh, right…

I was chatting with my virtual-boy-BFF about a boy I liked (I know…Elisa likes a boy…let’s hear it…collective “Awwww!”) and he asked what seems like a very obvious question.  “What are you waiting for?  Go for it!”

I then managed to list off in three replies approximately 50 reasons why I could never date this boy.   My poor friend, I feel like he sometimes must just have to shut his laptop, shake his head and walk away for five minutes because I hurt his brain.

My name is Elisa and I joust with windmills.

Whew!  Those groups are right, admitting it really IS the first step.  You feel a weight lifted off your shoulders.  See things clearly.  Realize you are a crazy knight from a Spanish novel creating fantastical and imaginary situations in your head of romanticized and “justified” idealism.

Ok, so now what?  What do you do when you realize that every person you set your sights on has an air of unavailability and inaccessibility that destroys the potential of dating before it even begins.  Setting our sights on guy…friends who don’t like us back, colleagues that you can’t (by company rules) date, boys who are already in relationships and therefore SHOULD be inaccessible, random dudes you pick up in a supermarket…

And more importantly, beyond just dating, why do we as people always try to seek out the impossible dream?  All we need to do is look at the current holiday season and the mania that is “the perfect gift.”  Was Turbo Man really what Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son wanted that Christmas, or did he want to just have time with his Dad whom he loved.

Do we chase the impossible and inaccessible as a way of avoiding or not understanding the truths of the situation?  Fighting imaginary demons rather than facing the real ones the hurt much more and leave us vulnerable and raw.  Avoiding the process and work that dictate much of reality.

Are we all just jousting with our own windmills?

Photo Credit: Getty Images: Altrendo Images

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  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Turboman was pretty awesome, I think part of it was Jamie just wanting that frickin’ doll. LOL

    I know I have been “away” from the Webb for a bit but I promise I am back here with you, 100%, committing myself to MUCH more reading in the new year.

    This is spot on – so often we look too far ahead, we focus on the big picture, that we forget to look at what’s right in front of us. We see giants when all that’s there are windmills, and like you said, we create our OWN obstacles – we build up walls to protect ourselves because we are so afraid of vulnerability. Thanks for this reminder, and for the killer analogy to Quixote – taking me back to Spanish 1 in High School :)

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Matt – It’s good to have you back round these parts. No worries on the sabbatical, life happens to the best of us. :)

      You’re right, sometimes all we really do want is the doll. Perhaps that’s another windmill that we form in our minds (or at least me) Sometimes it really IS just about the simplest and most obvious answer, but we make it so much more.

  • http://www.ryanjknapp.com Ryan

    We always want what we can’t have. Why do frosh get blackout drunk at 18, because they want to drink because they can’t (just one example).

    We always take on more than we can chew, or go after the impossible, because it’s part of the adventure and the mystique. Loads of people chase down that guy and girl and when they end up with them, it’s not as fun as they imagined because the chase was 75% of the fun.

    Of course you relate a post to Don Quixote. I’ll leave you with a song straight from the pueblos of Castilla-La Mancha that we used to sing when we had a few too many. Now this is culture for ya!

    http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2975932790100595402gBYTJk

    A La Mancha manchega,
    que hay mucho vino,
    mucho pan,
    mucho aceite
    y mucho tocino.
    Y si vas a La Mancha
    no te alborotes
    porque estás en la tierra
    de don Quijote.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Ryan – I was totally going to throw in my other inspiration for this, the fall season finale of Glee. Which I know doesn’t mean a whole lot to you BUT the big group song was “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” How’s that for culture…a little Rolling Stones?!

      But seriously, your point is well taken. The impossible IS sometimes more fun and appealing because of the mystique. There is so much in life that when we idealize it looks so fabulous, but when we peel back the surface and look at reality it isn’t as pretty as we once imagined.

      PS – Umm…there’s a picture of you with windmills. How awesome is that?!?!?!

      • http://www.ryanjknapp.com Ryan

        Glad you enjoyed the windmills, actual ‘Quixote’ windmills from the Ruta De Quixote which runs through Castilla-La Mancha.

  • Amy

    I can honestly say I never studied or read Quixote. But from what I’ve heard he was pretty crazy with a sword, sometimes this is never a good combination. I agree with what you have said :) But for me it’s more like, I chase the windmill when I know fully well that the monster is in the neighboring village. I go after the windmill because it’s safe, non-threatening and something I can make fun of pretty easily. If I went to the neighboring town and faced the giant I would have to face fear, vulnerability, doubt and worse of all, the possibility of getting hurt. Yes this applies to boys, I like to say I’m picky or that it will happen when “I’m not expecting it”, but the giant truth is, I am terrified. I am terrified and refuse to go out there and hurt myself over and over again. Much like 98.99% of other girls or boys out there.

    But I chase windmills in other parts of my life. I could get a job in my degree, but I’m really safe where I am right now. I don’t want to give it up. I could go back to school and have even more credentials to fall on. Hell, I could really go for it and figure out how to afford my dream car. However, I need to also be aware that I am chasing the giant for a fight and not falling into a trap. Life is tricky and I’m telling you, if I could ride around on a horse with a sword, things would be more fun. I guess I just have to fight my own giants with the weapons I have :) This was a really fun analogy! Bravo Paco!!

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Amy – You should definitely check out Quixote at some point, but it’s not imperative to life. If nothing else, you can check out the movie. Do you remember the Hanna Barbara O-laff-ics or whatever that cartoon we used to watch was? It had Don Coyote and Sancho Panda? :)

      I agree, if we could all ride around on a horse with a sword things really WOULD be more fun. But I think there are laws against that sort of thing. Or there should be. To protect us from crazy windmill jousting people. And ourselves. You are so right, we go after the windmill because giant/monster/big scary thing in the neighboring village is real and it is there. But jousting a windmill…that’s a safe fight. Hopefully it’ll only fight back so much…

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    It seems so unconscious to like someone that might be unavailable or any of the said items you listed. It’s so hard because you can’t HELP who you like and quite honestly, sometimes it’s not so simple…which I find frustrating. I think it should be simple and just click into place (well, it can be) but life isn’t linear.

    Your last paragraph is so well put. I think we all chase windmills to some extent:

    “Do we chase the impossible and inaccessible as a way of avoiding or not understanding the truths of the situation? Fighting imaginary demons rather than facing the real ones the hurt much more and leave us vulnerable and raw.”

    And fighting those imaginary demons can be detrimental. It’s hard to face what’s real and look fear or angst or pain in the face. Good food for thought, Elisa!
    .-= Grace Boyle´s last blog ..What I Learned in College Wasn’t Found in My $200 Textbook =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Grace – You are right. Sometimes the heart wants what it wants whether it is logical and safe. Those times SUCK! However I think there are times when we convince ourselves that there is an attraction much more pressing to people there is no chance of a future with. It is almost like we set out to sabotage ourselves from the beginning. Rather than facing the vulnerability and pain that a relationship or actually liking/loving someone can unleash.

      At least that’s me… :)

  • http://occasionallyj.blogspot.com Jane

    I’ve tilted a windmill or two – often when I’ve chosen to pursue something that I’ve told myself I want, often because of a pleasantly toxic combination of not caring as much if I fail and an assumption that what I really want must automatically be beyond my reach. But, I take the view that if you’ve never jousted (I love that word!) a windmill, you’ll never recognize when your doing it – something I’m glad I learnt in my twenties as I hope it’ll save me trouble later.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Junk =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jane – Great point! I am a poster child for “do as I say, not as I do.” In other words, until we’ve jousted with a windmill (and I mean really run headlong, lance drawn at a spinning turbine) we won’t know what it is. It’s tough cause I do want the impossible dream in so many goals from life, but as the same time I also want to have the wisdom to know the difference between a giant and an inanimate power source.

  • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan Pogorzelski

    Elisa: This post makes my lit-loving heart happy :) And because I love analyzing and metaphors and lit-crit and all that good stuff, I’m going to offer a counter-idea…One theory I read while researching criticism for DQ in college that I never quite forgot was that Don Quixote was very much aware that those obstacles were windmills, not giants; he knew exactly what he was doing and he charged the windmills fully aware of who he was, where he was, and what his limitations were. Basically, it was all an act.

    Keeping that in mind with your post, I find it really intriguing. I feel like I’m in line with you, kind of there with you as far as where the idea of love is concerned. What if we look for those windmills, knowing it’s a standard set so high that nothing can defeat it, nothing can match it, nothing can come close? What if we are fully aware of who we are and what love or other dreams we’re capable of attaining but we are so scared at the possible outcome that we pretend otherwise? What if, as that theory suggests, pretending is just easier. You’re less liable for your own actions, you’re seemingly less vulnerable, and thus can’t let others get too close to the real you, can’t hurt you. Playing pretend and guarding your heart, yourself, might seem the safer route. And so you keep on chasing windmills, pretending you’re fighting giants, when you’re really fighting yourself.

    Just another thought. I love this post, Elisa, everything about it. It makes me want to go back to school and debate literature and theorize. Oh, I miss that ;)
    .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..When We Begin To Let Love In =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Susan – Ah, yet another thing for us to chat and share together. I LOVED analogy, symbol analysis and theme discussions on literature. I actually contemplated for a long while becoming an English teacher just so that I could spend my days talking about theory with people for a living. Now I just do it “for fun” (in case there isn’t enough evidence of my dorkiness!)

      I am intrigued by what you say, but also perplexed to think the Quixote knew exactly what he was doing and still went and fought with windmills.

      OH! I just got it. As I was typing. The idea of pretending. Of getting ourselves so caught up in the game of make believe that we never have to play in the world of reality. I am a pro at that. Feeling like things people say are ways of flirting that are just being nice. Thinking that societal career goals I am chasing will bring make me happy and fulfilled. Fighting a huge windmill that I know is a windmill but I’m gonna pretend is something else cause I don’t want to face the realities of the situation.

      Ok, maybe I’ll take back a bit of my “crazy dude” comment, but I’m definitely still feeling like it just isn’t a fully sane move to joust with windmills. Whether you think they are giants or realize what they actually are.

      However I LOVE the way you just made me think of this a very different way. :)

      • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan Pogorzelski

        That does it. We MUST have another chat session soon! First up — comparative literature…Pride and Prejudice…and Zombies? Yeah. I just can’t take that seriously.

        In all seriousness, however, I love connecting with fellow lit nerds (and I say so affectionately). There’s something about literature and books that speak to the soul, that shows you a deeper meaning in things, that helps you understand people, human nature, isn’t there? It’s fascinating, like a psychological study based in words of fiction. I wanted to be an English teacher, too, for the longest time. I think as long as we always find people who can challenge us and get out all of these thoughts and metaphors and analysis, we’ll keep that part of ourselves happy. I seriously want more posts like this, though. You get me thinking, and it makes me want to write a paper. Almost. Maybe. Ok, actually yes, but I’m not pulling all-nighters anymore.

        Back to the post: I think you’re right, that’s it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the act of pretending that it just seems easier than facing reality.. It seems easier to see what we can have than to admit what we can’t. Or, conversely, to believe that we can’t have what we really can. It’s easier to imagine that someone won’t like us than to actually believe that they will because that would actually mean facing ourselves — our strengths and our flaws; it’s easier to risk getting wounded in a battle if that battle is nothing more than a fictional escapade.

        The problem with pretending is sooner or later, we may begin to really believe it. When it comes to finding love, we shouldn’t ever have to play pretend. Let’s vow not to, Elisa, and we’ll meet those who are worthy and real.
        .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..When We Begin To Let Love In =-.

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    “My poor friend, I feel like he sometimes must just have to shut his laptop, shake his head and walk away for five minutes because I hurt his brain.”

    Love it! You didn’t hurt my brain. Although the depth of this post sort of hurt my brain just now. ;)

    My goal that night was to help take you out of the Friend Zone with these boys and help place them in your Erogenous Zone. TMI? Sorry. Ok seriously…

    I think it just frustrates me to see you too “scared” (for lack of a better word or maybe that’s the right word) to go for it. I mean sure we’ve all made excuses to not go for it when we’ve been rejected or hurt before, myself included. But there has to come a time when you need to live in the present and not the past. Meaning, while we can learn from the past and do our best not to repeat those same mistakes in the future, we also can’t tread so lightly that we fail to leave our mark on anyone. As a mutual friend of ours recently taught me, bliss is short lived. Why not enjoy it while it lasts?

    These guys blew into your life for a reason, Elisa. And maybe they will all blow out of your life eventually, but then maybe not. Maybe one is hovering in the air waiting for you to catch him. I don’t want you to miss the opportunity because 50 excuses have clogged the air causing you to choke.

    If you need help, I’ll be your weatherman and help you pick one – point you in the direction where the wind is gusting the most. Then together we can throw your 50 excuses into the air and let that windmill chop them up.
    .-= David´s last blog ..Cerebral Constipation =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Ah, virtual-boy-BFF, glad to see you dropping in to comment on this one.

      It’s interesting…as I mentioned, I feel like the windmills are the things we face instead of the real problems. Talking to another friend on Saturday night I figured out a couple things, but nothing earth shattering. Nothing to figure out the smoking gun for creating 50 excuses. I feel like until you figure out what the real giants are, we’ll all always be jousting with new windmills.

      PS – As for the zones you mention, I’m sure my parents will be excited to read these comments. :)

  • http://gormano.blogspot.com/2009/07/118-800.html mugs

    you need to stop ruining chances before they even happen x
    .-= mugs´s last blog ..Wake Up With Me =-.