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Listing Ourselves

22 December 2009 11 Comments

The holidays are always a time for reflection on the past year, planning for the new year and eating a lot of pies and sugar cookies. Or maybe that’s just me. Truly, for a girl who plans her week down to the hour it should be like…well…Christmas!

There’s the shopping lists for dinners to plan. There’s the wish list of toys and presents we want people to buy us and the strategically crafted list we bring to the mall to shop for others. The big red jolly guy even gets in on the action – he not only makes his list but he also checks it twice (you know, sometimes it’s hard to find out who’s naughty or nice!)

Then there’s the list we make for the upcoming year. We budget out a year’s worth of income into twelve neat little months. We set out goals and resolutions. Sometimes we share them with family/friends/blogosphere. We jump on Exepdia or Priceline to meticulously plan out our vacations for the upcoming year.

Which is all well and good but I have to wonder…what are we missing out on when we “list ourselves in?”

Hear me out.

Cause I am definitely a proponent of using lists to organize and plan. Without a shopping list you are taking a dangerous gamble on remembering things like marjoram for the turkey or a new terrycloth housecoat for Nana. Heck, I’ve been known to break down my menial daily chores into a checklist and my roommate makes one whenever she has to pack, even if it’s just for a night away. Let me tell you, though, she’s never without her running shoes or jammies.

One of the best Christmas presents I ever got was never on a list. It was from my Godmother, and I was about 16 or 17. It wasn’t anything exceptional, just a coffee table book on the history of pianos. When I got that present I sat in my living room and actually wept. I would never have thought to ask for something so simple as a coffee table book. The fact that she bought it just knowing about my love for piano made the gift so much more. It was never on my list.

As we come up on the end of the year I see more and more “list” popping up. Best of 2009, Blogs to Follow in 2010, Gift Guides for Mom-Dad-Brother-Sister-Grade School Teacher-Random Neighbor Down The Street, Top Resolutions for the New Year, Martha Stewart/Rachel Ray/Alton Brown’s Holiday Dinner Recipes…lists and lists and lists of people telling us what to do. How to think. Who to follow and pay attention to.

I do believe lists have a place. They help us organize, they collect our thoughts, they take big ideas and make them manageable. I especially like the ones that are collaborative and have lots of opinions. Or leave the door open for new additions as necessary.

Cause maybe you realize while you are out shopping that you want to buy wine glasses for your friend but instead choose a pine scented tile to hang over the natural gas fireplace cause she misses the smell of wood burning since having it installed. Or make a snap decision to go with apple pie instead of pecan which elicits the cute boy at your friends’ house asking you out cause he’s been searching for the perfect girl next door. Or you get this beautiful coffee table book that brings tears to your eyes.

Most importantly, don’t list yourself in. Don’t limit yourself to what others tell you – heck, don’t limit yourself by what YOU tell you. Who knows what you might be missing out on.

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  • http://www.cornonthejob.com Rich DeMatteo

    I’m actually at a loss for words after reading this. You have my mind racing…

    I try to write lists and stay structured, but the best ideas are those that just come to me out of thin air. I feel that this can be said about successful entrepreneurs as well. Listing ourselves keeps us in line, it keeps us in order, and keeps us sane, but does it ever push the envelope?

    No.

    This post has such great value to it. I really, really enjoyed this, Elisa!

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Wow, a loss for words, huh? That would kill me! :)

      Your question is perfect, and again you summarize my lengthy thoughts and words into a succinct and better worded structure. I love lists as well, but do they ever teach us to push the envelope? Do the people who succeed and live a life of happiness live a life within their lists or do they sometimes color outside the lines?

      Great thoughts!

  • http://akhilak.com/blog Akhila

    Wow, this is a beautifully written post, and a wonderful point you make here. I think we have to avoid boxing ourselves into certain situations or life plans. There is always room for some spontaneity, but if we keep listing ourselves we just list ourselves into oblivion. We become boring.
    .-= Akhila´s last blog ..The injustice of international justice =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Akhila – Very true, we have become boring by listing ourselves in to tiny little boxes. In being boring we also become the status quo. And the status quo just blips along, they fall in line, they check off boxes on their lists. Nothing extraordinary or even worthwhile really comes from becoming stagnant.

  • http://www.SheChanges.com Lael Jepson

    Bingo. You hit it right on the head, and what better season than this one to pick the whole “list” scab? Sadly, I gave up the notebook lists in my 30s in favor of an ACTUAL book for my 40s (bound and everything…for what? posterity or something…honestly, Lael!). My logic, which truly I still find marginally sound, is that I could take my “to dos” and actually place them on given days, so as not to overwhelm any one day. Secretly, I love crossing them off and transplanting them to other days as they inevitably don’t get done…like tending to a whole other flock of children…all the while my REAL children are in the other room. Oy!

    And yet, like you, I’m not ready to abandon them and do see they have a place.

    And yet I have seen the promised land – the one without lists. Glimpses during extended vacations or times that are so fast and furious I don’t have time to write down what to do and just do, do, do.

    And yet as I read through this, one of my favorite quotes swam through my cluttered mind: “those who know where they’re going never get the chance to end up anywhere else.” Love that one. Reminds me of my deep passion for serendipity.

    Thanks for making me think. I’ll add that to my list…

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Lael – I love your notebooks and books, I think they are a great way of organizing and keeping track of thoughts so that you don’t forget them. I like to do that for myself as well, keeping track of ideas and whatnot so that I don’t forget. I have a little red notebook that I keep in my purse/briefcase at all times so that if I need to remember something I’ll jot it down.

      But your quote at the end (can I just mention how much I love quotes?!) really brings about a beautiful visualization to the post. I just mentioned in my previous post, but if you are in a parade pushing thru to the end point without ever stopping to wave at the spectators, check out the scenes and possibly find an even better path how much do you miss?

  • http://www.lionslinger.com Walter

    Having a list is very ideal to organize our task. Still, there are thing in life that are uncertain–making our list go awry. It is always important to give ourselves a slack for change. :-)

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Walter – Important point. Lists definitely DO have a time and place, but they also have to have flexibility and you have to be willing to look beyond them at the big picture. Most importantly, we have to give ourselves the chance and the “slack.” :)

  • Amy

    I’m the roommate!!! That’s me that’s me!! And yes I do make lists for packing, I don’t want to forget anything. I’m always making lists, to-do, groceries, emails, wall posts, on and on. During college I even tried to make a list of “spontaneous events” things that I wanted to do but wasn’t sure if they would happen.

    Then something really weird happened. I stopped making spontaneous lists and started to just be spontaneous. And amazing things happened. I met someone who I dated on and off for a year and a half, I met my best friends and I ended up in beautiful places trying to catch my breathe. The sad thing is, our list society is turning our kids into lists. You need to do ABC before you can even think about DEFandG. We’re already boxing them in with tests and expectations. Instead we should be teaching them that there are list things in the world, but for the other part. Just live. This all can be taken away tomorrow. You can’t list the end so why list the beginning and the middle?

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Amy – This is now my most favoritest comment of yours on my blog. And yes, you are the roommate. :) As evidenced by your awesome contribution to my holiday vlog. Wish you HAD popped your head into the frame to say hi, that totally would have been awesome!

      And yes, you have come a bit out of your dependence on lists for everything, which is something that happens as we learn that life throws us curve balls and we realize that our lists will not always turn out as planned. And it is in going “off list” that we learn some of the best things about ourselves. :)