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Collateral Damages

18 January 2010 10 Comments

Every night that I’m able out of the office by about 5 PM I run into the infamous “G-Drive” congestion.  Now I won’t complain too much about traffic, at most the congestion puts me about 20-25 minutes behind my scheduled plans.  I know…you readers in LA are ready to kick my ass for whining about it!

But I digress.   My qualm lately has not been with the traffic/commute time.  My qualm has been with the folks who work in the office building beside me.  We all feed out of our office parking lots onto a shared cul-de-sac professional park road that then feeds onto the main road.  So when you are third parking lot back, you have two other parking lots of drivers to contend with.

And while I’m all about the zipper-merge method in stopped traffic, when there are no cars before me I tend to drive all the way until I come to stopped traffic.  This means I sometimes drive right by the closest parking lot.  However lately, I’ve had more and more “brave” souls making some brilliant driving maneuvers.

And by brilliant driving maneuvers I mean they lay rubber tearing out in front of me to cut me off and pull one car length ahead of me in the line of STOPPED FRICKIN’ TRAFFIC.

That isn’t the only similar trait these vehicles have though.  It seems every time I see a car whip out in front of me with little regard for anyone else, I noticed dents and dings and scratches and serious damage on them.

It’s like these people are taking risks time and time again to get themselves ahead, but they aren’t really considering the rest of the world in the process.

I was an extremely lucky young adult, my parents took me back in not once but twice.  Once straight out of school and once for about six months when I got VERY sick two winters ago.  Looking back, I’m so extremely grateful for the room and board they provided me (I paid a modest rent, don’t get me wrong) but I don’t think I appreciated it then.

I just kinda assumed since so many other people did it that parents just took their kids in when life got tough.  And I know they wouldn’t have had it any other way, but I wonder what kind of dents and scratches I put in their lives.

My parents used to sit with me watching Jeopardy and fall asleep at 9 PM.  I know, I am supercool.  Now that I’m totally 100% not much chance of coming back moved out they are like globetrotting post-grads!  They’re never home, they’re out doing all the things they always wanted to but for some reason didn’t.

I know I’m not TOTALLY the reason that they hermitted up for 4 years.  But I can’t help but wonder if I’m at least part of it.  If the risks and wild turns I took through my 20′s always depending on them to avoid the massive collision should have been avoided.

I see so many young adults doing this now, to a much higher level.  Entrepreneu-ing with no plan or thought as to the real “process” of it, recklessly spending and flittering away money, thinking that a location independent lifestyle means barely working and hanging out on a beach/mountain/houseboat somewhere.

We’re all taking risks and trying to get ahead, but who are we cutting off along the way?  And how much damage are we really doing to ourselves?   In the end, did we really get to where we wanted to be any faster or did we barely make it a car length ahead?

How about you – what risks did you take in life that you realize may have caused some collateral damage to the ones you love?

PS – Mims and PDiddy, I reserve full rights of deleting so use your comment power wisely.  :)

Photo Credit: Getty Images: Arthur S. Aubry

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  • Erin

    Great post and very interesting question to pose. I know many people who are in their mid-20s and living off their parents’ good graces as they struggle to decide what to do with their lives. Unfortunately most of them (women) are underemployed, unemployed and mothers. It is especially sad to think how some people in our generation feel that they are “owed” or “deserve” something from their parents. I feel that your parents responsibility to take care of you ends when you are 18 years old, if they continue to do so afterward you are very lucky, nothing else.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Erin – You are so very right. Parents responsibility SHOULD end at 18 (or at least graduating/leaving college) but it’s an interesting phenomenon with our generation. People are moving back en masse to live with their parents. Many of my friends lived with parents and never paid a dime. I couldn’t even begin to think about doing that. I mean, seriously…I work at a full-time job and am trying to learn some responsibility. How is mooching off your family helping at all with that? It isn’t…it’s why we have so many 20-somethings having such identity crises over who they are. It’s hard to be a grown-up when you are still sleeping in your My Little Pony sheets

      PS – Yes, this is totally a generalization and stereotype of the worst of offenders. And sadly, I know they exist…

  • Mims

    Many dings and dents in growing up but no major collisions. As far as holding us back, did we not do that to you?

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Mims – You bring up an interesting point. How much is holding back and how much is comfort? Sure I could have been more outgoing and “wild and crazy” in my early 20′s but I liked our time together as a family.

  • Paul

    Just remember payback can be a bitch. We are going to come live with you and make our dings & dents.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Move in with Amy. She’ll be the rich head-shrinking doctor. I’ll be a sex and relationship columnist. #headshrinkingdoctorFTW

  • http://www.ryanjknapp.com Ryan

    I’ve lived on and off with my parents since I was 18. Lived through college with them minus Ohio and Sevilla, after college when I took on full time work, then again when I moved back home from Spain part 2.

    My parents don’t see anything wrong with it. They never made me pay rent. My bed was made new every morning, even my laundry done.

    Mom and Frank have given me every support they could have given me, minus $$. My parents barely make ends meet as it is, but they instead have made me more dinners/cupcakes/goodies than I could ever imagine. My mom still to this day does my laundry a) because we don’t have laundry here b) because she actually enjoys doing it (yes, she can verify this).

    Maybe it’s because my dad died when I was 14 that we have sort of a different relationship. We just tell it like it is, argue, get it out and that’s done. I can’t remember actually being angry at my mother since I was about 10 years old.

    My room will always be my room, no matter what. No matter what chances I take in my life, no matter what comes around some corner, no matter what stupid mistakes I make, I’ll always have that to fall back on. It makes me smile to think that even if I went out and did the most epic fail of my life, I’d still be able to have a place to call home, a warm dinner to eat, and a nice bed to sleep in.

    Because one day when I’m uber-successful and set in my ways—my parents will get the same in return.
    .-= Ryan´s last blog ..a photo a day: 19/365 | nscaa insanity =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Ryan – It’s a little tough to respond cause I know you on a more personal level, but I’m gonna try in generalization.

      There are some people who appreciate (TRULY appreciate) the opportunity their parents gave them to take them back in. I know that you are one of those people.

      And then there are people who are just like “Whatever, I just moved back in with my parents.” Or worse, they advocate that this is the way to save money/start a business/”become responsible.”

      Having parents that support and love you enough to take you in without a blink of an eye deserve more than being a scapegoat or easy solution.

  • http://occasionallyj.blogspot.com Jane

    Interesting post. Where I live, it is the norm to live with your parents until you move in with a boy/girlfriend, although it is not uncommon to have a couple (and even a baby) living with one of their sets of parents. A big part of this is living in a town with low wages and high rents and local taxes, which are based on the value of the property you live in, but also ideas to do with responsibility. But it’s also an attitude, as unless you have to move away for a well paid job or your relationship with your parents has broken down, it’s considered an irresponsible waste of money to needlessly move out and essentially throwing your money away when you could be living at home.

    I also have a feeling that a certain amount of ‘dents’ are the price we pay for having meaningful relationshihps – who would want to be the pristine car sitting all by itself, never driven?
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Hutong =-.