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All You Need – The Series

1 February 2010 28 Comments
I have a tendency towards sabotage.  Commitment-phobic.  Just plain running away.  Whatever you might want to call it.

I began dating the Bluegrass Boy in December of 2004.  The first time we met for coffee I couldn’t stop grinning and staring at his eyes and our first “real date” still stands as one of my best dates of all time.  He is the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship in my past 11 years of being single.

I’m still not 100% sure what that final fight was about.  I said something I knew would hurt, something that would push him away.  Making up a completely unreasonable argument to make him hate me.  To turn the tables on any feelings he was feeling.  Avoiding the reality and sobbing for a couple hours to avoid any possible hurt in the furutre.

And it worked.  We broke up over AOL Instant Messenger.  Oh yes, you read that correctly.

The only part of the whole thing I remember is that we had been dating for about 2 1/2 months.  It wasn’t “declared” exclusive but we weren’t dating anyone else.  I saw him a couple times a week.  Emailed/talked/messaged daily.  Smiled whenever I thought about him (people noticed,) listened to his music constantly, and wished I could be around him whenever I wasn’t.  I was falling into a deep state of like with this boy.  One night we were out to dinner at a local Thai restaurant.

It was a simple thing, a tiny hair in my dish of Pad Kee Mao.

I know, most people would be horrifically grossed out.  My stomach did in fact do a bit of a turn.  But being a girl with long shedding hair most of my life, I know that they just shed out, not much anyone can do about it. Figured I’d just take the tainted noodle pieces and put them off to the side.   Still, my adorable Bluegrass Boy came to my rescue motioning the waitress over.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to complain, but my girlfriend has a hair in her meal.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images: Martin Barraud

It was so simple, such a kind gesture.  My knight in shining Gap shirt.  And yet my heart started racing and my throat closed up.  I could barely lift my arms to bring my new hair-less Drunken Noodle (2 star for those curious) to my mouth.  My mind turned over the statement again and again.  He had called me his girlfriend.  We had hit the point of no return.

For those of you doing quick math that was five (5) years ago.  Five years of watching with only a slight nervous tick as my best friends dated, fell in love, got married, had kids, began happily ever after.  I couldn’t be happier for any of them.  I know, you’re all thinking “Ah, she’s a bitter single girl,” but nothing can be further from the truth.  I seriously put out love in mass quantities,  loving has never been my issue.  Letting people love me back, however, has proven to be the challenge.  It’s all giddy laughter and butterflies in the tummy when it’s happening, but when you are faced with the cold harsh reality of the meaning of it all, it is scary as hell!  And in truth any time that anything remotely resembling a chance for my own beginning to my happily ever after presented itself, I avoided it.

You could call me the Runaway Date.

Since 2010 is my Year of Love I figured what better way to learn about love than hearing from some of my most respected blogging friends.  It’s kinda selfish, really.  They all took time out of their lives to help me try to fix mine.  And share that with you.  And they did it merely because I asked, no other reason.  They did it out of love.

It is out of this that the All You Need series was born.  Each weekday for the month of February you’ll get to read the thoughts and ideas of some AMAZING minds when it comes to all things love.   And I’m hoping that in reading 20 other posts I’ll learn a little more about this crazy little thing called love.  Maybe you can too.

I’ve also asked them to choose a song.  Either it represents their post or what love means to them.  So not only will we all get a great rounded look at love, but at the end of the month a pretty kick ass love playlist too.

I’m working on making sure that I’m ready for love.

Are you?

My Song: Alison Krauss (yes, she’s a well-known Bluegrass singer) – When You Say Nothing At All


28 Responses to “All You Need – The Series”

  1. tommy pez says:

    Lovely story – great way to start off the series! 😉 And the playlist idea is a great one. Maybe at the end of the series, I will make an iMix available of all the songs on iTunes for easy downloading. Think anyone would be interested in that?
    .-= tommy pez´s last blog ..Brought to Life! =-.

    • Tommy – Hehe, the story probably would have been even lovelier if I had basked in the adorableness of the first time he called me his girlfriend. Eh, hindsight, right?

      I think people would definitely be interested. I have the list set up on lala.com (http://lala.com/zzyUI) but it’s mp3’s. The songs have been a great addition, if you would like to set something up on iTunes (and it isn’t a huge inconvenience) please have at it. (Should mention the lala playlist is incomplete as I’m still waiting on a couple songs)

      Can’t wait for YOUR post to hit later this month. I’m excited for some of my readers to get introduced to yours & Jen’s blog. 🙂

  2. Ryan says:

    Cannot wait to see the rest of this series and I was honored I was chosen to be a part of it.

    Lovely first post Elisa.
    .-= Ryan´s last blog ..Where Would Soccer Be Without : Forums/Message Boards =-.

    • Ryan – Seriously, I am SO happy and in anticipation of your post. I think it will have a great impact because it’s such a beautiful personal topic. Thank you in advance for sharing. 🙂

  3. Jenny Blake says:

    Love this post, love you, and I love this series already even though it’s only DAY ONE!! Like Ryan, I am honored to be a part of it. And I know that great things will happen as a result of you putting all this love out there for us lucky readers.

    .-= Jenny Blake´s last blog ..Guest Post: Task-Hopping Got You Down? =-.

    • Aw Jenny, I love you too! Look at all the love you and I are putting out there. Damn we’re good!

      You’re coming up sooner rather than later so I’m excited for that too! Here’s hoping people get all the wonderful stuff we are hoping out of the series. 🙂

  4. Grace Boyle says:

    Beautifully honest post, Elisa. I’m so so excited for this series. Mostly because I feel like it’s a great topic that is broad and touches EVERYONE. I am also honored to be part of the series, so thank you for including me and the rest of the amazing writers.

    Are you going to write a post after the series? Maybe you will have learned something or experienced a paradigm shift. Who knows? 🙂
    .-= Grace Boyle´s last blog ..Pick Your Place and Let The Rest Fall Into Place =-.

    • Jenny Blake says:

      Ooh! Grace – I love that idea 🙂 Elisa – consider that a second vote for a recap “what I learned post” if you weren’t already planning one…

      Grace – excited to see your post too!
      .-= Jenny Blake´s last blog ..Guest Post: Task-Hopping Got You Down? =-.

    • Elisa says:

      Grace – Thanks, I definitely sent out the post to get some opinions from friends in the peanut gallery for the first post. Wasn’t sure if it was “too personal” or detracted. Glad people are enjoying it. 🙂

      Yes, there will be a March “what I learned” recap type post most definitely. Otherwise every weekday of the month will be a new blogger with a new story and insight to have a big old love fest here at Ophelia’s Webb. I’m so uberly excited!

      Thank you for being a part of this, I’m sure people will “love” your post!

  5. This is the first time I have read your blog, and definitely plan to return for every single one of these posts. Great idea!

    • Elisa says:

      Kelly – Well welcome to my little blog-site here! I hope you enjoy the other posts, I think they are pretty spiffy but I’m probably a bit biased. 🙂

  6. Elisa:

    I’m so proud of you. I just have to put that out there. Not only is this series something that is so moving, so beautiful (like I said before, we need more love in the world, not less), but the fact that you’re getting so much out of it yourself is something incredible.

    Love isn’t easy. It changes us — hopefully for the better, sometimes not always for the best, and sometimes in ways in which we can’t understand until further down that road. Love doesn’t have a time frame — some hearts take awhile to heal and that makes it hard to find something special again. I think you have a lot of love to give, as evidenced by this post, as I’ve seen through talking and getting to know you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve already let love in through the friends you’ve met through your blog and Twitter and this social media world.

    You’re on your way.

    Hearts and hugs and hoorays for a great series and a great first post 🙂
    .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..Resolution For Happiness =-.

    • Elisa says:

      Susan – Thanks…after I almost threw up at the super personal nature of my kick-off post I was proud of me to put it out there too. 🙂

      And I’m glad you see it as a positive thing…love and relationships are something that are just highly intriguing to me cause I’m so uncomfortable in them myself. BUT I love seeing them thru others eyes. I tried to get my psychologist sister to diagnose me but she just said I’m weird that way (actually she said something really nice about my analytical mind being at odds with my huge heart and could probably explain it better than me but that’s neither here nor there!) I hope others can get stuff out of the series most definitely, but in the end if it’s just insight for me I’ll be a happy little Elisa.
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Is It Really Love? =-.

  7. David says:

    I cringed (and laughed a little, sorry) when I read…”We broke up over AOL Instant Messenger.”

    Well Berger did breakup with Carrie on a Post-It note, so I’m not sure which is worse – AIM or a yellow sticky. Still, you know what John Mayer says…

    “And when I look behind, on all my younger times, I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong.”

    So from here there is only one direction you can go, onward and upward. And from what I do know about you, I can easily say you’re quite lovable and I would hate for you to miss out on some guy loving you to pieces because you run when he drops the scary G-word (girlfriend). Don’t worry, Elisa. The right guy will hold your hand through it and it will all be ok. Believe me.

    On a side note, I’m SUPER DUPER (yes I just went into 12-year-old slumber party girl mode) excited for the All You Need Is Love Series! A whole month’s worth of rainbows and butterflies and swoony love tales (insert giddy girl hand clap accompanied by a high pitch squeal)! I may have to check down my pants to make sure I didn’t grow a mangina when this is over. 🙂
    .-= David´s last blog ..Doodled Her Way Into My Heart =-.

    • Grace Boyle says:

      David. You just quoted Sex and the City. I’m really excited about that and also, um, impressed? Loss of words. I know you’re excited for the (gasp) second movie.

      I also echo what he said about you, Elisa 🙂
      .-= Grace Boyle´s last blog ..Pick Your Place and Let The Rest Fall Into Place =-.

    • Elisa says:

      David – Don’t worry, I haven’t revoked your mancard just yet. You squeal or do more giddy 12-year old slumber party girl antics, however, and I can’t promise anything. 😛

      I’m definitely a firm believer in learning form the yucky stuff from before to find something even better in the future. You’ve gotta know where you’ve been to know where you are going, right? One day I will find a boy who loves me and my own little brand of crazy I got goin’ on and challenge me to let them love me. (Is that as confusing as it sounds?!)

      Here’s to loving to pieces!

  8. Sam Karol says:

    I’m so excited for this series! Ya know, it’s really interesting. You and I are at totally different places in our love lives, and yet, I can totally relate to the feelings you described. Don’t get me wrong, I love Rob and he’s amazing, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have the occasional moment of ‘wow, I’m only 24 and I’ve been in a relationship for more than 4 1/2 years.’ I think it’s human nature. Not to worry, you and Bluegrass Boy probably weren’t meant to be anyway. You’re an amazing woman and I know you’ll find your Prince Charming 🙂
    .-= Sam Karol´s last blog ..The Little Voice Inside My Head =-.

    • Sam – It’s one of the things I love about love. We sometimes get these notions that you think a totally different way or live a totally different way once we are in relationships. But we still have many of the same feelings and thoughts…just with different circumstances. I’m glad you are excited for the series, I am super excited for your post as well! 🙂

  9. […] am honored to be a part of Elisa Doucette’s February All You Need is Love series, in which a different blogger will pontificate on this warm fuzzy topic every day for the […]

  10. Love this post. I, too, am a doubter. Awhile back, I got a tattoo – a heart half-made of a question mark – that stands for “Are you brave enough to love?” Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am…

  11. Lauren says:

    i used to wholeheartedly believe that love, real true heart-rending love was all you needed to get by. i’ve since discovered that that’s not true. i lost my love, or rather, my love lost me. and it’s far far far too long a story to post anywhere but my own blog, but never one to let things go in a humble, gentle fashion, i will continue to believe (likely until the day i die) that ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.

    • Isn’t it funny how sometimes we have to have the love we long for and then lose it to understand what it was? I’m sorry you have loved and lost, I’m not sure that I can attest that it is better or worse than never having loved at all.

      I’m with you…I know that it isn’t the thing that will keep a relationship together, but I do know that all things love are what makes the lows worth it for the highs.

  12. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by elysa rice, Jenny Blake, Elisa Doucette, MehnazThawer, Ryan Knapp and others. Ryan Knapp said: Can't wait to see the rest of the series! RT @opheliaswebb: {New Post} All You Need – The Series http://bit.ly/c37fa9 #allyouneed […]

  13. Noel says:

    Oooooo … how did I not find this last year? Can’t wait for the new series to start! At last, something to look forward to in the month of February!

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