All You Need – The Series
I began dating the Bluegrass Boy in December of 2004. The first time we met for coffee I couldn’t stop grinning and staring at his eyes and our first “real date” still stands as one of my best dates of all time. He is the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship in my past 11 years of being single.
I’m still not 100% sure what that final fight was about. I said something I knew would hurt, something that would push him away. Making up a completely unreasonable argument to make him hate me. To turn the tables on any feelings he was feeling. Avoiding the reality and sobbing for a couple hours to avoid any possible hurt in the furutre.
And it worked. We broke up over AOL Instant Messenger. Oh yes, you read that correctly.
The only part of the whole thing I remember is that we had been dating for about 2 1/2 months. It wasn’t “declared” exclusive but we weren’t dating anyone else. I saw him a couple times a week. Emailed/talked/messaged daily. Smiled whenever I thought about him (people noticed,) listened to his music constantly, and wished I could be around him whenever I wasn’t. I was falling into a deep state of like with this boy. One night we were out to dinner at a local Thai restaurant.
It was a simple thing, a tiny hair in my dish of Pad Kee Mao.
I know, most people would be horrifically grossed out. My stomach did in fact do a bit of a turn. But being a girl with long shedding hair most of my life, I know that they just shed out, not much anyone can do about it. Figured I’d just take the tainted noodle pieces and put them off to the side. Still, my adorable Bluegrass Boy came to my rescue motioning the waitress over.
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to complain, but my girlfriend has a hair in her meal.”
Photo Credit: Getty Images: Martin Barraud
It was so simple, such a kind gesture. My knight in shining Gap shirt. And yet my heart started racing and my throat closed up. I could barely lift my arms to bring my new hair-less Drunken Noodle (2 star for those curious) to my mouth. My mind turned over the statement again and again. He had called me his girlfriend. We had hit the point of no return.
For those of you doing quick math that was five (5) years ago. Five years of watching with only a slight nervous tick as my best friends dated, fell in love, got married, had kids, began happily ever after. I couldn’t be happier for any of them. I know, you’re all thinking “Ah, she’s a bitter single girl,” but nothing can be further from the truth. I seriously put out love in mass quantities, loving has never been my issue. Letting people love me back, however, has proven to be the challenge. It’s all giddy laughter and butterflies in the tummy when it’s happening, but when you are faced with the cold harsh reality of the meaning of it all, it is scary as hell! And in truth any time that anything remotely resembling a chance for my own beginning to my happily ever after presented itself, I avoided it.
You could call me the Runaway Date.
Since 2010 is my Year of Love I figured what better way to learn about love than hearing from some of my most respected blogging friends. It’s kinda selfish, really. They all took time out of their lives to help me try to fix mine. And share that with you. And they did it merely because I asked, no other reason. They did it out of love.
It is out of this that the All You Need series was born. Each weekday for the month of February you’ll get to read the thoughts and ideas of some AMAZING minds when it comes to all things love. And I’m hoping that in reading 20 other posts I’ll learn a little more about this crazy little thing called love. Maybe you can too.
I’ve also asked them to choose a song. Either it represents their post or what love means to them. So not only will we all get a great rounded look at love, but at the end of the month a pretty kick ass love playlist too.
I’m working on making sure that I’m ready for love.
Are you?
My Song: Alison Krauss (yes, she’s a well-known Bluegrass singer) – When You Say Nothing At All
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