Love is a trial and error process, in which my errors outnumber my successes.
I don’t say this from a place of self-deprecation, but more from a place of understanding. Because, love, to me, is a big and confusing mess and I still have no clue how to fall in love, never mind actually being in it.
I send one too many emails.
One too many text messages.
Make one too many phone calls.
And, it’s only because these rules, these boundaries, these YOU MUST BE CHASED guidelines don’t at all fit in with who I am. Because, let’s be real here, when I find someone who I connect with, male or female, I want to pursue them with such ferociousness that it probably makes them uncomfortable. If I find a woman that is awesome, I want to scream, “BE MY BFF!” from on top of my little mountain. And, if I find a guy that stops me in my tracks and grabs my attention, then I want to send cute emails and text messages and hang out with them and and AND et cetera.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Jan Mammey
But, all of this, more times than not, ends me up with tons of BFFs and a lot of guys who push me away at first only to try to pull me back in once my attention has moved on. Apparently, it’s all too much until it’s gone. And, then I just get annoyed. And I want to throw rocks at the boy. And, at this point, I’ve already moved onto another sick cycle of me acting like a total fool.
Except, you know what? I’m fine being the fool. It’s weeding the wrong people out and is getting me closer to finding someone who’s going to write me cute one-line emails that are so witty and amazing, I find it hard to concentrate on anything else but THEM.
Someone who will wake up before me, walk to Starbucks, buy me a Venti Vanilla Latte, bring it to me in bed, and finish it off with a simple kiss on the forehead.
Someone who will see that my attention is worthwhile in the moment, not just something they realize in retrospect, months after I’ve already moved on.
And, here’s how I see it: I either find someone who thinks it’s adorable that I’m so terribly impatient to see them again and that makes them fall madly and deeply in love with me. Or, I find someone that is about 2% more ferocious than I am and they can’t help but make me fall madly and deeply in love with them.
Because, I want to get this love thing right. And, if that means I need to act like a fool a few more times, then so be it.
Love is far more important than pride, right?
RIGHT!?
All You Need Blogger: Jamie Varon
Jamie blogs about far too personal topics and has a desire to make a lot of blogs look really pretty. She likes traveling, hot chocolate, typography, and the occasional (ok, FREQUENT) glass of white wine. Also, she has an uncanny ability to wear dresses almost every single day, no matter what the weather. It’s a skill, truly, it is. Follow her on Twitter @jamievaron
Song: Kate Nash – The Nicest Thing
Right. I love that I made a complete fool of myself – many times – with my then boyfriend, now husband. Cause that’s who I am. Our first date, all “fancy” at Una (years ago), I sent my martini & its glass, smashing to the floor as I tried to sit all cool at the bar… The rest is history!
Anna – Haha, that sounds like something I would do! Grace is DEFINITELY not something God graced me with.
Isn’t that the best way sometimes to find someone who is a good fit for us though….they see us at our dorkiest and love us for the foolishness rather than in spite of it?!
Amen, girl! I love the way you put this – I think many of us feel this way. Do I really keep screwing up, and if so, DAMN that sounds like an exhausting existence to have to try so hard to “get it right.” I much prefer your method – wait until someone every bit as excited and passionate comes along to fumble through the whole love thing and be fools with.
On that note, I’m off to go GIT IN MAH FEMININE! ;-D
Jenny Blake´s last blog ..A Note on Sadness: Cloudy with a Chance of Sunshine
Jenny – SO true! I wonder how much of it is finding someone who makes us a fool, but is a fool right there beside us. I can’t remember the movie, but I remember a scene where they shut the door after a date and both are doing a happy dance on either side of the door. One catches the other…it makes me smile to remember. Well…half remember…
Get out of my head!!
I have the same problems. Glad to see I’m not alone! I like to call it the Fascinating New Person Syndrome. You just want to spend time with them hoping that through osmosis you can absorb from them all the things you like about them and apply them to yourself. It’s like getting a shiny new toy for Christmas and that’s ALL you want to play with for weeks.
Tina – I know, right? I actually had to rewrite part of my post after Jamie sent me this cause it was SO similar! I like your clinical diagnosis of Fascinating New Person Syndrome…I’m definitely going to borrow (i/e steal with proper accreditation) it.
And your analogy about a new toy is SO TRUE! And I sometimes wonder why I go crazy for all the new shiny things when my Velveteen Rabbit has lasted me so well. It’s a delicate line between going for the new toy and staying with the comfortable one.
Maybe I need to find a way to feel new shiny toy giddy every now and again about my Velveteen Rabbit. Course it would be swell to have a Velveteen Rabbit to begin this whole equation with…hrmm…does that void it?
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jamie Varon, Elisa Doucette, Elisa Doucette, Sarah Santiago, naomi rochelle and others. naomi rochelle said: RT @jamievaron: Fool for Love http://bit.ly/93yIiY — guest post by me on @opheliaswebb for her #allyouneed series! [...]
Amen to it all especially to the kiss on the forehead. So gentle yet intimate.
I felt like I wrote this.
Ashley Oblad´s last blog ..Human Dictionary
Ashley – That’s my secret most endearing and scariest physical gesture a boy can make. Pretty Woman had kissing on the mouth, for me it’s a kiss to the forehead. So vulnerable and so beautiful and so… *sigh*
Just wanted to comment about the kiss on the forehead thing. Just had that happen and it killed me. It is the absolute clincher for stealing my heart – or at least getting me in a seriously romantic frame of mind. Lethal.
Excellent blog BTW
Everyone makes a fool out of themselves at some point. That’s why Elvis once wrote…”Wise men say only fools rush in.”
Because most of us are eager to fall in love, perhaps a little too eager. So we try to rush it and in the process end up looking foolish. Other times we don’t move fast enough and look even MORE foolish. I have no idea what the right speed is. But if you figure it out, please let me know.
David´s last blog ..Stupid Is As Stupid Does
David – Haha, I don’t know if there is a perfect equation! If I figure out the algebraic formula I’ll pass it along, but I think I’ll also be a bajillionaire so that’ll be cool…
It IS difficult trying to strike the delicate balance. Between the foolishness and the nonchalance, the excitement and the calm there has to lie a place where is just makes sense. But I certainly haven’t figured it out yet. I occasionally have flashes back to the recent foolish things I did for the boys I liked and I kinda cringe and curl up.
I’m SO not cool!
I loved the blog. It is so true with love..everyone says be patient…. be patient, but all you want to do is get to know this person and be with that person and TALK to that person, but how are you going to do this without calling that person and contacting that person (Or Stocking Him *ooops*). Must you wait for him to call!!!
Pullllleezzzz!!
I surly hate the games people play. But I know for sure your pocket full of dreams will find you the right guy when you are truely ready!!
xoxo
Taylor – It’s funny how the rules of the game suddenly make sense when you are playing with someone you click with. Don’t get me wrong…I have yet to actually FIND that person, but I HEAR that’s kinda how it works. You still have to work and try for the relationship MOST definitely…but the games aren’t necessarily frustrating and tiresome but instead fun and playful and making us look forward to the next round.
That being said, if you ever need help with a stalking I am a Google-stalking-pro. Trust…
I fully agree with everything you said! It’s so frustrating trying to fit into that mold that some boys make. Don’t seem over eager but don’t act like you are totally uninterested. Wait till he calls you but try to keep the look out for other boys to a minimum just in case. It’s ridiculous! I still have a boy that I refuse to talk to until he talks to me first. If I go against this rule my heart beats as I hit send. Why is it all so troublesome? Aren’t love, lust and want simple emotions when you really think about it?
Amy – Nope, love is a complicated confusing emotion. Cause it’s SO simple and pure that we can’t even begin to wrap our minds around it. Kinda like atoms. Simple yet you need a PhD to really understand and pontificate.
Yet we all have atoms, we all work with atoms daily. We’re all ept at our own level, most of us just will never completely understand them.
As for the heart skipping beats and breath getting caught in throat about certain boys I SO understand. They are probably the ones we act most foolish over too. Stupid boys…