“Happily ever after” is one of the most damaging myths about love.

The implied storyline is that boy meets girl, they have some initial struggles, but eventually get together and live happily ever after.

The narrative makes it sound like once you have found love and got it, the “ever after” will be effortless, you can just sit back and enjoy the “happily” part without doing much to maintain it. Goal achieved, nothing left to work for.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

“Happily ever after” requires a hell of a lot of work in the “ever after”-part of the relationship. Love is not something that “happens”, it’s something that is built one day at a time.

What “happens” to people is what I’d like to call hormonal Lust at First Sight. Love may or may not follow.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Jamie Grill

People tend to mystify our natural biological processes and call them things they are not. What happens at first is nothing more than your animalistic, basal biological instinct to reproduce, a drive that comes from your genes, not your heart.

Love is what makes us rise above being simple, instinctive animals. Love is something that is more than just following your hormonal impulses.

Emotionally mature people can build deep, lasting spiritual and intellectual connections with the people they chose and are compatible with. Connections that are built on the reality of what the other person is, rather than the unrealistic fantasy of the personal angel you want someone else to be for you. Connections that are built on mutual respect and understanding rather than the need for your own ego to be validated.

Yes, it may all start from the Lust at First Sight, biologically triggered attraction, but for love to grow and last, it requires effort if it is to outlast the honey moon period.

True love is the product of a conscious effort to build, grow and nurture the emotional and intellectual connection that people hold to each other. It is not something that “happens.” If you leave love too much to chance and do not maintain it, it will inevitably deteriorate and die.

Just ask yourself: how many relationships seem to deteriorate shortly after marriage? It’s like a lot of people think “goal achieved” and then just sit back and relax once they’ve gotten married.

I believe the prime reason for the sheer amount of divorces and break-ups in the world is a lack of insight to the fact that love requires work and effort. If you believe in an effortless happily ever after love that will always feel like when you had your first kiss, you clearly live in cloud cuckoo-land.

If you want a lasting love and bond with someone, don’t leave it to chance: take control of it, and make a conscious effort together to build it and let love grow.

The “ever after” part of “happily ever after” requires a lot of work and maintenance.

But it might just be worth the effort.

All You Need Blogger: Wille Faler

Wille is an entrepreneur and freelance software developer intent on breaking free from the 9-5. He has an insatiable appetite for challenges, ideas and understanding human nature, subjects which he often writes about on his blog Adventure Capitalist. You can also follow him on Twitter: @wfaler.

Song: Frank Sinatra – The Way You Look Tonight