Just Right Love
It’s a childhood bedtime story we all remember.
“Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” The one where the fair-haired maiden wanders into a cottage one day and finds bowls of porridge to sample. Goldilocks tests out one bowl of porridge and it is too hot. The next is too cold. Finally, she tries the third which is just right.
When it comes to love, isn’t that what we’re all looking for?
Something that is not too hot, not too cold, but just right?
Like many of us, I have yet to find that love that is “just right.” But through my trial and error attempts (and yes, they are many and honestly they are quite laughable in most instances) to find the “just right” love, I have realized something startling.
Everyone has a different capacity for love.
Think of people you love now or have loved in the past (don’t limit to just romantic relationships.) Not only do they all love differently, they all love in varying amounts, according to their own capacity. Some love a lot, some moderately, some a little and a precious few in ridiculous amounts.
Everyone innately possesses the ability to love. But why does it sometimes feel like you are not getting enough love back in the relationship or your partner is smothering you with too much love? I think it all comes down to a person’s capacity for love.
Pretend your capacity for love is a beaker (like the ones you used in science class.) The water you pour into the beaker is the love you feel for a special someone. You may have a 500 mL beaker while he/she has a 250 mL beaker. Both are filled to the brim with water, holding (giving) all they can, but your beaker just happens to contain more water, simply because its capacity is much greater. As such, you have more love to give and you likely need more love to feel fulfilled.
Ultimately what does this mean? I think it adds one more thing that needs to be in compatible in order to find that “just right” love.
Take me for example. Exuberant is frequently a word used to describe me. I don’t really do anything halfway. If I do something, I go for it all the way, and typically pretty enthusiastically. I’ve been in love twice. Both times they were that head-over-heels, all-consuming, passionate, I’m-going-marry-this-person kind of love. I loved them with all I had. In one case, that was probably the root of why we didn’t have the fairy tale ending.
His capacity for love was very different than mine. The way I loved him and the sheer magnitude of my love literally overwhelmed this man and practically crippled him from loving me back. I was just “too much” for him (yes, that was an exact quote.) To stem from my analogy, the love in his 250 mL beaker didn’t come close to filling my 500 mL beaker and the 500 mL of my love literally ran over. He couldn’t even begin to hold it all, even if he wanted to.
In short, it was messy.
In contrast, one of my closest girlfriends also has tremendous capacity for love (the way she even loves her friends is awe-inducing and empowering). She found a wonderful man who also exhibits that same great capacity for love. The resulting power and depth of their relationship is so obvious it is practically tangible to all in their presence.
For them, their compatible individual love capacities are a BIG contributor to their “just right” love.
Yes, it is one more element to consider, but finding someone with a compatible capacity for love is one of the most pivotal elements in a lastingly euphoric relationship. And, really isn’t that the “just right” love we are all looking for?
One that is lastingly euphoric?
You doubters can call me naïve. But, I believe the “just right” love is out there. It’s out there for me. It’s out there for you. It’s out there for everyone. AND, it’s within your capacity to find it.
All You Need Blogger: Sharalyn Hartwell
Sharalyn Hartwell is the National Generation Y columnist for the Examiner.com. She also shares her insights on love, relationships and the strange workings of the female mind as a regular contributor to the men’s online magazines–AskMen.com and TheRugged.com. You can follow her on Twitter @sharalynhartwel.