Love Can Come From Everywhere
He was a little nervous.
They’d never met, but he had heard all about her from his father, who was good friends with her uncle. She was an elementary school teacher, which gave them some common ground (he was a college professor). He had no idea what she looked like, only a vague description that didn’t lend itself to a full mental image. But he had decided to give the blind date a shot, and walked up the steps to her front door with a spring in his step.
The house looks nice, he mused, extending a finger to press on the doorbell. That’s a good sign. The sound of feet coming down a flight of stairs grew louder, as the door opened. He could see an older
woman peeking out at him through the screen door. “Hi, I’m Ben*. I’m here to pick up Stacy* for the evening-“
And before he could get another word out, the door was slammed in his face.
I know this story well. I’ve heard it all my life. After all, it’s the beginning to the story of how my parents met.
Now, it’s not as long and involved as some other stories about couples meeting, but it’s an important one all the same. And the key detail, besides that my grandma slammed the door in my dad’s face before he took my mom out to dinner on their first date, is that it was a blind date.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Brand X Pictures
My best friend’s sister met her husband through an online dating service. A good friend and his fiancé met at a singles mixer. A former co-worker met her boyfriend at speed dating.
The point is, love and relationships can come from everywhere. There doesn’t have to be a stigma about where it’s from.
I’m no expert on love, relationships or dating. Once, I somehow wound up helping to teach a few dating classes, but my experiences on love are more limited to a love of Taco Tuesdays, for example. Or a love of seeing comments pop up on my blog.
So instead, I’m pulling from other peoples’ love lives.
According to my ex-roommate’s ex-girlfriend’s parents’ marriage counselor (who has never been married), this gives me an outsider’s look into relationships, and makes me a more objective assessor of their stability, chances for success, and so on. But that doesn’t really seem to work.
I’ve seen different examples from friends, family, TV, movies and books. I’ve experienced a strong sense of like and a great deal of lust. But seeing and doing are two different things. And it’s not like everyone has the same relationship.
Sure, there are the usual clichés that most relationships fall into, but taking relationship advice, be it from me or one of Dr. Phil’s books, seems silly. Heck, the example that Tim Ferriss used in The Four-Hour Workweek on becoming an expert in under two months was about his friend becoming a “relationship expert.”
So when it comes to love, you don’t have to take anyone’s advice.
Just enjoy it.
It can start from anything – even a blind date.
*These are not my parents’ names. They preferred that I keep their identities out of this post. Both of them are the only two people left in the world without a trace of personal information online, and I don’t want to take that away from them.
All You Need Blogger: Andrew Weitsman
Andrew helped run a few dating workshops until he realized that he should stick to teaching and writing what he knows, which is business, pop culture, and random factoids. He blogs at Needle Meet Haystack. This past November, his parents celebrated their 32nd anniversary.
Song: Frank Sinatra – My Funny Valentine
My parents just had their 32nd anniversary as well…they met on a set up because a roommate thought my mom might like my dad’s cool car. What a reason, right? I can’t consider myself even close to knowing what’s going to make a relationship work or not. But I will say experiences help you figure out what’s right for you. And that’s hopefully going to be what leads you to love. Nice post!
Emily Jasper´s last blog ..If You Want My Money, Treat Me Like a Customer
Emily, that’s some awesome parent-related synchronicity right there.
Someone told me that dating is like making a checklist – you figure out what you want and what you don’t, but most of the time you don’t even realize you’re making it. And love is what happens when you find someone who matches your checklist – and you match theirs – and it just seems to work.
Andrew´s last blog ..Link: A Guest Post on Love and My Face
Emily – Sounds like the roommate knew what they were talking about! And that she liked more than just the cool car.
Isn’t it funny how those things come together and end up working out!
Andrew – great post! Particularly the last part: “So when it comes to love, you don’t have to take anyone’s advice. Just enjoy it. It can start from anything – even a blind date.” So true!
I find that people are so eager to problem-solve or give advice to their single friends, set them up on dates, or analyze a current romantic interest – I just want to tell everyone to calm down! I enjoy my life and I enjoy dating (or more accurately NOT dating) at my own pace.
I love blog comments too – that made me chuckle
Jenny Blake´s last blog ..Help a Reader Out: How Do You Make Decisions?
Jenny, every time someone says “I’m going to go at my own pace” or “I’m going to just focus on work” or “I’ll be taking a little me time” or something of a similar nature, they wind up in a relationship a few months later. TV has taught me this, so it must be true.
You’ve been warned.
Andrew´s last blog ..Link: A Guest Post on Love and My Face
Jenny – haha, yes, it seems to be the gift that coupled up people “get” to impart on their pathetically inept single friends. All the brilliant wisdom of how they met their significant others. Cause obviously we are all pod people and what worked for them will work for us. Love isn’t in individual thing, it can TOTALLY be packaged up into a cookie cut mold that applies to everyone.
But really, as Andrew said…we learn everything from TV and movies so I will join in the warning.
Taco Tuesdays does sound attractive, but my heart belongs to Thirsty Thursdays.
Now prepare yourself because I know this is super cliché, but it’s sooo true! Someone really does come along when you aren’t looking, when you least expect it and in the oddest form of meeting. I gave up long ago trying to make sense of why that is and instead just embraced it…even if it was during a time in my life when I was happy being perfectly lonely. It happens time and time again to me. So at this point, I just leave it up to the universe to decide all my big life decisions, like whether I should comment on more blogs or get may ass back to work.
By the way, Frank Sinatra…one of my all-time favorites! Good pick.
David´s last blog ..Super Sexist Bowl? STFU
Ah, Thirsty Thursdays…now if we’re going to talk about unrequited, unconditional love, that would be it right there.
David, your comment is very true. Dating and love are supposed to be sources of happiness and fun, not stress and anger. When people just relax and enjoy themselves, that’s when things really seem to click.
And I can’t take all the credit for Sinatra. I originally picked the Miles Davis version, but Elisa convinced me that Frank would work better, and I have to agree.
Andrew´s last blog ..Link: A Guest Post on Love and My Face
Thirsty Thursdays and Frank Sinatra…you boys are killing me!
I don’t know that love “comes along” when we are least looking for it. I’ve spent a better part of 10 years not looking for it. Seriously, at least 5 of them I could care less if I was dating/loving/committing. I flirted a lot, got to stay on top of my game and all. But at no point during that time did anyone come rushing in to sweep me off my feet.
That being said, what I think DOES happen is two-fold. The first fold involves the ease and fun of falling. When you are looking or trying or seeking it’s stressful and that’s just no fun at all. For either party. The second fold is the stench of pointed desperation that one can smell from hundred of feet away when you are…well…DESPERATE to be in a relationship and with someone.
And let’s face it, desperate is just not a pretty shade of lipstick for anyone.
Andrew: I just love this title (and your parents story!). I’m often in awe of how so many of my close friendships have begun — someone says hi, then a response, then a back and forth and connecting on different levels and suddenly you can’t imagine your life without them. I think love blindsides you sometimes in the same way. At least, that’s been my experience. They say love happens when you least expect it, but I think it also comes in a place where you’re not looking, where you least expect it. Maybe even where you don’t want it. Maybe all it takes is that closer look. Maybe all it takes is saying hi. Love can come from anywhere, love can come from everywhere…Love it.
Great post, Andrew. Glad to have discovered your blog!
Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..Clinging To A Past That Doesn’t Let You Choose
Thanks Susan! I’ve found that a lot of friendships and relationships start in strange places: waiting in line for a movie, on a subway ride, in a bookstore – almost anywhere! The key is just being open and receptive to other people and giving them a chance to know you.
I’m going to second that. Love, whether in a friendship or a romantic relationship, comes when you are open and receptive.
Sure we all want to buy into the belief it comes at these adorably inopportune times or when we are completely not expecting it, but that’s not always the case. What about joining clubs or teams to “make friends?” Or online dating, which is very successful for some?
The movies make random opportunities become so much more because it is what we want. It makes for much more exciting and breath-taking stories.
This was an excellent post! I think it proves a very important point. No one meets the love of their life the same way. I’ve only heard of one real life story where the boy runs to the airport to get the girl off the plane, and she got on anyway. There have been quite a few examples of people meeting and marrying through on-line dating, but the formula changed somewhere for everyone. There is no one way or formula or equation for meeting the love of your life. I sometimes think I’ve already met the love of my life, it’s just not time for our life yet. Then sometimes I think it will be the next boy to run a cart into me at the store.
The point is, there is no point. No point to get angry or frustrated, to drown your sorrows in pints of beer. There may not always love at first sight but there most definitely is lust at first sight, for me that’s better than nothing
Amy’s last blog… amydoucette@wordpress.com
Amy – Well, I gotta say that you shouldn’t DROWN your sorrows in a pint, but a pint or twelve after being stood up for a date never hurts!
And you are so right, I think the most important thing to take away is that there are no sweeping generalizations to be made in matters of the heart. It’s different for everyone, but that’s part of what makes it so exciting!
Elisa how fitting is this post considering Valentines day is right around the corner. Literally! I think no matter how much things change around us, it’s human nature to want to give love and get love. One of my recent twitter posts can translate to love’s wonderment:
Follow hunches even though you can’t justify them or know where they’re gonna go.
Andrea – Thanks, Andrew did a GREAT job writing this up for my series. Word on the street is that it was his first guest post…AND a rare appearance of his actual face instead of a haystack.
I love your Tweet…I have an EXTREMELY analytical mind (like, it freaks people out a bit…) but I am also a HUGE proponent of hunches and gut instincts. Sometimes when it feels like the Universe is conspiring with/against you…well…maybe it is!
This is a great post, Andrew! When I write about things on my blog, I tend to explain why I know about whatever it is. The reason I do this is because I want people to know that I’m legit, that I’m not just spouting advice on something I know nothing about. Sometimes I read posts or articles written by so-called “experts,” and I wonder how broad the definition of that word is going to get, and why we even need it.
I love your parents story, and it’s so amazing that they’re still together, especially after that rocky start. One of the mantras I try to live by is ‘make every moment count,’ and I think what you’re saying goes right along with that idea. Love can come from anywhere, just enjoy it.
Sam – I’m always wary of anyone who needs to TELL me they are an “expert” or “guru.” Sometimes I especially wonder who they are trying to convince!
Awesome post!
I can relate to much of what you’re saying, “I don’t really do anything halfway. If I do something, I go for it all the way, and typically pretty enthusiastically.” And I’ve never given much thought to the fact that people have different capacities of love – and people love differently. The trick is to find someone who loves like you do.
Lauren´s last blog ..They say home is where the heart is, but what if your heart is in more than one place?
Lauren – I also agree with Andrew’s statement. I told my boss recently that I was so upset about something that happened because failure is not an option in my life. If I go, I’m going for it hard, and I’m going to accomplish it (or something close to it.) This has proven to be both extremely beneficial to me and extremely detrimental to me. May be part of the reason for my single afflictedness.
Still not sure how much I’m willing to concede on that. I mean, some boy will adore my bulldog ferociousness, right?!