Love is effortless.
The love that most of us want is the love that makes us feel good. People are addicted to the euphoria that comes with The Firsts. The first time you make eye contact. The first phone call. The first date. The first kiss. The first… you know.

The combination of the adrenaline, endorphins, and newness of it all is a pretty potent drug and we get hooked fast. Since these feelings are all based on chemicals that we have no real control over, not only is the experience addictive it’s effortless. We don’t have to try to love this person. We don’t have to remind ourselves of their “good side”. Everything is so… natural.

Love is work.
Then one day that natural, effortless feeling starts to wane. Things get boring and routine. Quirky personality traits slowly become annoying, and that song “Did I Shave My Legs for This?” makes so much sense.

If the only reason you’re in a relationship is so that you can feel all warm and gooey inside then this is a good time to bail and begin your search for your next high lover. I don’t care how many romantic date nights you go on, the “oh my goodness he called me!” feeling will go away. This is just a fact of life. From here on out your relationship’s success will depend on the amount of work you put into it.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Dave & Les Jacobs

Love is acceptance.
A relationship that has the power to change you and make you a significantly better person requires the willingness to accept. You’ll have to accept the boring and mundane. You’ll have to see all of this person, the good and the bad, and choose to love rather than judge.

Love is trust.
Now comes the hard part. You’ll be asked to trust. You’ll have to trust that you can show him your ugly, selfish, vulnerable side in all of its hideous glory. That? That is scary. Showing someone the part of yourself that you spend 99% of your day hiding and defending is scary as hell.

Love is a miracle.
Truly believing that someone can see all of you and still respond with love? That’s a miracle. A beautiful, life changing miracle.

All You Need Blogger: Marie McKinney-Oates

Marie McKinney-Oates is a relationship counselor focused on helping couples before they tie the knot. When she isn’t counseling, she’s at home fighting with her husband about healthcare, President Obama, and whether or not they should encourage their cats to “Just Say No” to catnip. Her counseling thoughts can be found at Marriage Studio and her catnip thoughts can be found at McKinney-Oates Cereal.  You can also follow her on Twitter @marriagestudio.

Song: Dave Barnes – On A Night Like This