Before I got married – way back at the tail end of the last century – people used to tell me that marriage takes work. I was sure I knew what they meant: Work to stay faithful, work to balance competing career demands, work to retain your individuality. But as it turned out, that’s the easy part.

The hard part?

Love.

The aspect of our relationship that once required no effort, no thought whatsoever—it just existed and wrapped us in its heady glow—now takes dedicated effort and attention.

We’re ten-and-a-half years into the marriage, more than 15 into the relationship. We’ve got a mortgage, a three-year-old, two dogs, a job each and a basement full of junk. We long ago let go of the interests we cultivated to win each others’ hearts (news flash: I never really cared that much about the NBA). These days, as the big 4-0 approaches for both of us, we’ve settled ever more comfortably into our own perches at either end of the living room couch.

And we’re not the only ones.

At the end of a long day, it’s all too easy to stay there, each of us sucked into the diversion of our choice. Eliminating that distance—closing the laptop, turning off ESPN Classic, moving a dog or two out of the way—takes thought, takes intention. And most of all, it takes love.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – RK Studio/Grant Harder

Some days, I’ve gotta admit, it seems way too hard.

Recently, though, we’ve found a way out of our companionable silence. At our house, Thursdays are now Date Night. It’s a horrible parenting cliché—but there’s a reason it’s recommended by every marriage counselor from here to Mars.

It works.

It’s on the calendar; it’s non-negotiable, whether we’re eating takeout on the couch after the kid goes to bed—amazing how decadent that feels after modeling table manners for a preschooler—or heading out for burgers and a beer.

At its heart, though, Date Night reminds us of our love—the love that brought us together all those years ago and that sustains us through the slog of daily life. The fireworks are rare… but in their place is a sustained warmth and commitment that’s like no other. Of course, Date Night is no panacea.  It helps that we have a genuine connection that’s based on mutual respect, similar values and an unabashed fondness for the works of both Judd Apatow and Woody Allen.

One last thought: It’s no coincidence that the establishment of Date Night has coincided with the return of the New York Times to our Sunday morning ritual. Alone, neither of us has much of a chance of finishing the Sunday crossword. Together, though, we fill in each others’ gaps.

It’s not what I expected back in the early days…but it’s pretty damn great.

Need some Date Night suggestions to reconnect with your honey? Check out the comments on this post.

All You Need Blogger: Michaela Cavallaro

Michaela is a Maine-based freelance writer who specializes in personal finance and investing. She recently started blogging (again) about making stuff, parenting and life at The Screen Door Slams.  She also joined the world of Twitter and you can follow her @michaelacav.

Song: Bruce Springsteen – If I Should Fall Behind

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