Home » Social Media

Hate On Me

30 April 2010 35 Comments

As I walked in a post-Red Eye flight daze through the Light Tunnel at the Detroit Airport earlier this week I was desperate to find a source of caffeinated sustenance to get me through the second leg of my trip.  I passed an airport coffee shop, a Starbucks and another Starbucks as I followed the crowd through to Concourse C.  I was hoping to find something new and exciting, a place I don’t normally experience in Maine.

Enter Einstein Bros Bagel.

I would have never heard of this shop (I hear they exist in Boston but haven’t made it close to us in Maine yet) if not for my friends across the country checking in there on Foursquare.

What?! Gasp?! Horror?!  I actually paid attention to my friend’s Foursquare check-ins and decided to take their recommendations?  Could it be that this website accomplished EXACTLY what it was meant to do?  Building word of mouth referral business through the “vouch” of people I trust?

I’ve seen a lot of stuff lately about the different platforms and programs of social media.  Pointing out the flaws and problems with the sites without ever trying them.  Pointing out the brilliance of our own social media expertise and theories.  Pointing out the games you have to play begging to have your work featured to “keep up your reputation” on online networks.

I’ve played these games.

And I’ve felt dirty after I did it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love social media.  Like I want to snuggle up with it at night and wake up basking in it’s glory in the morning.  Hell, it got me a best friend thousands of miles away who will put me up for entire weekends of vacation, fun and networking.

But is playing this social media game the only way to build reputation and respect online?

I’ve looked sadly at my blog, wondering why I don’t get comments on stuff I think is pretty swell.  Or pondering my anemic RT numbers on posts.  Feeling somehow inadequate and subpar in the online world.  Like the kid staring across the lunchroom cafeteria at the cool kids table, wishing that for just a few seconds they could open up and acknowledge everyone, rather than playing a popularity game that I’ve never been very ept at.

Not gonna lie.  It’s hard.  And it hurts.  And I’ve contemplated many a time shutting it all down cause is it really worth it?  Should I just accept it and play the game that will get me to be popular?  Should I drink Sue Sylvester’s master cleanse so that I’ll be skinny and welcome on the Cheerio’s?

Then I get emails from people out of the blue about a recent post or my overall column.  Or I get a recommendation on LinkedIn that brings a teary smile to my face.  Or I go to a Tweetup here in Portland and meet people that “lurk” on my site religiously but have never reached out.  Or I log on to that ancient and archaic social media website called Facebook to see this:

And I realize that I’ll never be like one of the cool kids.  And I think I’m kind of ok with it.

Cause I also realize that it’s a pretty shallow existence, this way that we currently measure social media “popularity.”

Giving credit to the people who RT their own work 5 times in one day after posting.  Allowing websites to determine who is worthy and what isn’t top material.  Giving up our own opinions and drinking the Kool-Aid, following who we are told.  Communicating superficially through @ replies and wall posts rather than making it about the relationships we claim are the foundation of any marketing or online programs.

And most importantly thinking that all this stuff matters somehow.  I’ve seen gurus and experts flash in the pan, and I’ve only been playing in this medium for about a year.   Before I was one of “those people” who didn’t really attend the private school that is Social Media High.  Like some reject public school student, it’s almost as if I was a majority of the population that we are trying to reach…thinking our Twitter prowess is going to somehow make the difference.

Social media is here to stay.  It isn’t going anywhere.  But it will change.

We need to measure content for it’s worth, not as if it is some sort of high school popularity contest.

——————————–

Listening To: Hate On Me by Amber Riley (Yay Glee!)

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  • Kristina

    Oh man…where to start with my comment and do I have time to write everything that I want to write. i could be here all day responding, and I think my boss would like me to actually get some work done today, so I will just say. I hear ya loud and clear. I feel ya, girl!!! Just the other night I was contemplating writing a post about being over it. I’m over social media as a game. If you like my blog, fine. if You don’t, fine also. that I was done with trying to get comments just to have comments because somehow the number of comments on my blog is the sum of my worth. High school was a long time ago and I didn’t like playing games then and didn’t care if I was popular and I won’t play them now and I’m over it all.

    Then I fell asleep from exhaustion and the post didn’t happen. So, thank you for this. I realize I am not alone in my feelings. Another great post from Elisa…I expect nothing less from you :) .
    .-= Kristina´s last blog ..From Stage to Ice =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Kris – What’s up with that?! I’m sure your boss would appreciate the contributions you are making to the online world. Or…yeah…I guess I can see where you are coming from. :)

      It’s good to hear that someone else has gone through the same feelings and struggles. I hate popularity contests and games. You are right, it is exhausting even thinking about it – then add getting all in a tither about it and engaging and getting frustrated and and and.

      I wonder if this is how Jennifer Aniston feels every time she takes out the trash. Occasionally sitting and wondering if it is all REALLY worth it?!

      And thanks – you are too kind!

  • http://ereid.net Elizabeth Reid

    I am definitely one of your long-time lurkers. I’ve been reading your blog since almost right after you started it! I’ve been a pretty hardcore lurker on a lot of Brazen blogs that I admire, but very rarely participate in conversation. I never “GOT” the whole drive for numbers, comments on posts, RTs, etc. until I recently started using Twitter and started my own blog, then I realized how much of an obsession it can become, and how numbers become so important. NUMBERS! And it’s SO unfulfilling, like you said, some kind of weird, boring popularity contest.

    Anyway, as someone who has been inspired by you for a long time, I would like to vouch that numbers are meaningless. When you can affect one person’s life, or inspire one person, or make one person smile, then I think that’s what really matters at the end of the day.
    .-= Elizabeth Reid´s last blog ..F*ck the Machine =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Elizabeth – Yay! You’ve come out of the shadows! You are one of the people I’m talking about in the last 1/4, the ones who reach out and make you realize it’s all worth it. Without knowing it you messaged me on Twitter at a VERY pivotal place in me questioning my online “worth.” And reminded me that I’d rather have a thousand Elizabeth Reid’s “lurking” but getting something out of my stuff than a million Joe Schmoe’s who barely read what I say because there’s no relationship/vesting, nor do they really care.

      The drive for the numbers can be MADDENING! Especially for someone like me who thinks FAR too analytically and needs to substantiate and validate all her actions. Not seek validation, mind you, but I need to see that for Action A then Reaction B has created Solution/Answer C. Then I remind myself that the equation doesn’t bring personal relationships and creating work that “touches” into play.

      Which is how I generally get myself past the numbers. Course we all have our days. :)

  • Amy

    I enjoy this post as I do with every post you’ve written. But I totally get where you’re coming from. I am not nearly as savvy or big in the social media world as you are, but I am a part of many social medias. I have facebook, twitter and my own blog. I have many “friends” on facebook but I’ve had it for almost 7 years. I don’t have that many followers on Twitter, but when you take away celebrities, restaurants and beer companies, I don’t follow that many people myself. And I wondered if I was some sort of loser because I rarely get comments on my blog other than my well paid off family members. And I don’t get randomly tweeted… twittered… tweetilated… any who, does that define who I am? No.

    But you, you chica. I’ve been front row and center for all of it. For the read aloud of fan emails, the stories of how another single Portland city girl recognized you in a coffee shop and the direct messages about how your column or blog spoke to someone on some level. I’m so proud of you and what you’ve accomplished. It’s not the amount of comments but the amount of thought that matters. I’ve read your blogs over and over again. I recommend your blog and column to others. And so we’re clear, I don’t get paid to do such things ;) I like your attitude missy, keep it up!!

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Amy – “And I don’t get randomly tweeted… twittered… tweetilated… any who, does that define who I am? No.”

      HA! :D

      Yep, that would be what I’m talking about. Once you get sucked into the online world you start caring about all this stuff. But in the end, does it REALLY matter. Though there are millions of Facebookers and Tweeters and god-know-what-other-ers, how many of them are judging what we do by how many people RTed us. Before I got into blogging, I didn’t even know what an RT box was or how it mattered. I just cared if I got something/liked the piece or not.

  • http://www.dmbosstone.com Dmbosstone

    Have you read the post on Brazen about why HR people don’t like social media? It talks about being an extrovert- and extroverts view social media as a popularity contest. Now it’s hard not to view it like that but it’s really about the quality. Look at you- you have a best friend through blogging and I’d love nothing more than for that.

    A friend that I helped get started in blogging had her one-year anniversary and she has more followers and visitors than me, which is great because she writes in a niche topic with a bigger audience.

    Sometimes it’s not about the numbers but the connections.
    .-= Dmbosstone´s last blog ..Tuning Out The World =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      PPho (how I now totally refer to you on my blog – feel free to reprimand me and I’ll start calling you Dmbosstone!) – I haven’t seen the post on Brazen, but I can see how extroverts would totally make social media a popularity contest. Maybe that’s part of the issue I have…are the popular kids usually the extroverts, while us introverts sit over on the sidelines internalizing it all?

      And how right you are – most of the time it’s not about the numbers but the connections. Sometimes we just need a “gentle” reminder of that. :)

  • http://alirayner.blogspot.com/ Alison Rayner

    Elisa, I feel your pain about comments. It is the standard to which the public verifies what you are doing is good. I am new at blogging, only been going a few weeks (really) and I am thrilled when I get a comment because to me that means someone felt moved enough by what I said that it made them think & they want to share their thoughts.

    I think I look for this external approval because I’ve never found a way to validate myself or my own work. You know how there are people out there who feel content with themselves because they know they did a good job on a project, or at work? Not me. I am always waiting to hear from the people I respect & look up to like a boss, or family member to point out how good I’ve done.

    I put some thought into personal validation yesterday & I wrote down all the things that I like to hear from other people, that validates my work. It was an amazing exercise that showed me I really value feedback from others that points out how creative I am, how I go above & beyond, how I’ve helped another person, how I’ve shared my time, or that my efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. I would recommend trying the same thing. Just write all the words you like to hear from other people that validate you.
    .-= Alison Rayner´s last blog ..So This Is It… =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Alison – What a great idea! I actually have a “Yay Me” folder in my email that I move comments I love, Twitter DM’s that make me smile or FB/Email convo’s I want to remember. I was surfing the reminders from that folder a lot last week. I also make frequent use of the “favorites” star on Twitter. :)

      It is very difficult to validate without those numbers…because how do you measure something as intangible as “like” and “inspiration/influence.” And all the “gurus” TELL us that we should measure these things by metrics. Hell, Facebook is slowly taking over the entire concept of liking stuff on the internet.

      Maybe they’re right and I’m just living a pipe dream. But I can tell you right now that I grin ear-to-ear EVERY time I get an email confirmation that someone took the time to leave me a comment. So thanks for aiding in that!!

  • http://www.mrorrsclassroom.com Jeremy Orr

    I think of you as one of the cool kids. You own your single girl persona and rock the he’ll out of it. You have so many friends on Twitter who all respect you- that takes a lot- to earn respect. And to keep it.

    I feel like this most days, that no one reads me, no one retweets me = no one likes me. I had one blog post where the only comment was my mother! And I was really proud of that post! But what always gets me by is knowing that I do have those friends who respect me, regardless of what my blog is doing. I read everything you post. I only retweet or comment when it resonates with me. That way you know when I do comment and retweet, it means something. Were I single, a girl, and an east coaster, I would reply to all of it! Unfortunately I have a complex about sharing with others my love of dress shopping. You keep writing it, you keep up the good work, and I promise I’ll be here reading it. Lurking or not.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Jeremy – Are you talking about your mix tape post? You know it was the inspiration for one of my columns and I backlinked it, right? http://blogs.mainetoday.com/blogs/single-slice/a-simpler-time

      And thanks for thinking of me as one of the cool kids…isn’t it funny with the stratification of “coolness” and “popularity” in groups. To one person you may be the gum on the bottom of the lunch room table, but to another you’re actually a kind of nifty person to be around. Reminds me of that “You may be only one person to the world, but to one person you might be the world.”

      Or something like that. :)

  • http://instigationology.com andi

    As those above have said before me (which only adds credit to the comment!) we all feel this way! I pal around with some ‘big wig’ bloggers out there and most people have never heard of me or my blog or what I do and sometimes it really brings me down thinking about the stats. Am I providing value? Am I writing good content? Is what I’m doing even interesting to anyone but me? Should I be pushing it more? And thus the obsessing begins. But you know what? It’s a blog. And the biggest thing I have learned about blogging is from people who don’t understand the world of blogging at all. The idea that ‘Dude, it’s just a blog!’

    This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be about spreading ideas and meeting people and inspiring people and pushing yourself forward into unknown territory. It’s not about statistics. It’s not about RTs or comments. I make it a point to write every post or create every challenge around something I (and whomever I’m competing against) can personally get from doing it. If no one reads it, it was still worth every second of my time and by tailoring my content, I’ve found more people are getting excited to peek in.

    I (and clearly those above me) get so much from interacting with you (however new that experience may be) because you’re genuine about your interactions. I don’t care to run around in circles of name dropping bloggers. I read your blog now because I want to be part of your community because I see value in what you offer and the opportunity that someday I may be able to return the favor.
    .-= andi´s last blog ..ollie vs andi: update week 2.5 =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Andi – You are another who came in at the PERFECT moment to remind me that the numbers don’t matter as much as the connections. I mean, within 2 weeks you are planning a stop on your Road Trip to visit me in Maine…that’s like buying a ticket on a whim and hauling out to SF for a weekend! I know, I know…there’s many other reasons to come to Maine but I’m just gonna PRETEND it’s cause you all want to hang out with me. :)

      I agree, those who aren’t in the “blogging scene” (i.e. a majority of the human popuation) don’t understand it nor are they overly impressed by it. Which is one of the conclusions I came to in seeing my online relationship column “quoted” on some girl’s Facebook. Those things, when people who AREN’T in this medium reach out, it makes me realize there’s a world outside Social Media High and those people are important too.

      So I’ll keep on keepin’ on…and I am SO EFFING EXCITED YOU ARE HERE FOR THE KEEPING ON WITH ME!!!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Oh my god, I love love love this post.

    So honest, so true, so real.

    I was talking with a friend this week about social media (we’re both involved in social media, professionally and personally) and we said that we both “fell into it.” I don’t know anyone who was “formally” trained in social media. I created a blog, with a dorky name that only my family was going to read, I fell into a job because they found that dorky blog, I’ve been learning as I go along, with mentors, friends and family. I guess what I’m getting at, is that I feel like I didn’t go to the private high school of social media either. I’m not attuned to many of the aspects and sometimes feel like this “scene” or “high school” is way over my head, like I don’t even belong.

    You’re right, the ego is hard to swallow. It always exists – so RT’s, comments and the like generally can affect us. It does me but in the end, it’s not what moves me, what keeps me alive, what makes me smile…so I let it pass, do what I enjoy and until it’s not enjoyable I’ll keep going :)

    Thanks for writing this, I love it!
    .-= Grace Boyle´s last blog ..Parenting Balancing Act: Your Children Are Entrenched In Your Business =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Grace – Aw, thanks! I’m glad you liked it. :)

      It is funny how many of us “fell” into social media connections and work. When I pitched my column to my online content editor, it turns out she read my blog already. I was kind of in shock! I didn’t know anyone “round these parts” knew who I was. I look back on moving to a new school when I was younger and remember how quickly decisions were made about “the new kid.” They’re always hot and unknown for a month and then it’s all about who they’ve met and “aligned with.”

      Hrmm…new post topic. Methinks so!

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  • http://www.justatitch.com Amy — Just A Titch

    This is an amazing post.

    P.S. NICE MEETING YOU IN SF! Next time, I swear to god I want start crying at a hint of barf. I wish we could have chatted more…you’re lovely! xoxo

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Amy – It was great meeting you too! Hopefully next time (cause yes, there’ll be a next time in SF!) we’ll be able to catch up more!

  • Jon Holcomb

    … and seeing my niece’s post on FB quoting your writing ” “In the end love isn’t about some complicated and inaccessible game. ” has now dragged one of us older gen people into your world for a bit. I continue to enjoy discovering the fun of social networking AND hearing viewpoints of those younger than I as well as renewing old acquaintances. Amazing how this simple thing opens so many avenues to reach others in ways I would have never imagined when I was her age. Now I’m craving an Einstein’s – will have to stop on the way home – dang!
    peace
    jh

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jon – Exactly! And welcome to the site. I’m glad your niece could “introduce” us – she’s awesome!

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    Twitter (and social media in general) is a lot like high school! That is one of the reasons I hate it, not that I hated high school, but you get what I’m saying. And when I stopped blogging for a month or so, it was partially due to the whole “ick factor” surrounding all these silly social media and blogging cliques. For me, it just got old really fast. I couldn’t handle all the fake sincerity and fame whoring that was being put out there. Watching people in their 20s act like teens is just nauseating.

    You know my motto – Write like no one is reading. Personally, I find it much more fulfilling and freeing to write for an audience of one. And really, isn’t that what blogging was meant to do – to give yourself a creative outlet, not to seek virtual fame? So it shouldn’t be about the comments, RTs, or any other blog stat. And while it may be a little disappointing if a post you’re really proud of doesn’t seem to get much recognition, it’s not the end of the world. Life happens and sometimes people get busy. So they miss reading a post. Or read it and don’t comment because they’re lazy. Or may even find themselves at a lose for words after reading such a great post! Whatever the case may be, don’t take it too personal. Just write because you enjoy the process. And trust that even if no one else is reading, your virtual boy BFF/gym partner rarely missing anything you publish.

    Just think if everyone keeps drinking the same flavored Kool-Aid how boring life will be! So I’ll stick to reading blogs that interest me, RTing posts I find compelling enough to share, and friending whoever I want…even if I don’t get a nod of approval to do so from the Cool Kids Table. That’s how I became friends with someone who in high school wasn’t cool enough to even sit with the band nerds! Because regardless of who she was then, I think she’s pretty cool all grown up. ;)

    So if you want to hate on Elisa, hate on me too.
    .-= David´s last blog ..A Great Figure Eight Or A Tiny Infinity =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      David – Coming to my defense like the awesome virtual-boy-BFF you are. And so sweet, she thinks you are pretty cool all growned up too. :)

      I definitely know that we should all write what we feel like writing, as if no one is reading. And I don’t want to “cater” to the masses. If I did I would write a LOT more about social media and Gen Y and various buzz topics that get lots of traffic. But those aren’t things I enjoy. I was just telling someone else that I spend a lot of time on my column now because it’s about relationships and I love writing about that! As long as I’m liking what I write, I’m working on knowing that that is going to be enough for me.

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    By the way, there’s an Einstein and Bruegger’s bagels on just about every street corner here. You would love it!
    .-= David´s last blog ..A Great Figure Eight Or A Tiny Infinity =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Seriously, WTF?! Do you have Mr. Bagel’s down there though? With olive cream cheese. It’s AH-MAZ-ING. That’s what we have on every street corner up here. I kinda like em better than Einstein’s too. :)

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com Sam Karol

    Reading through this post and the comments, reminded me of when Cheila told me she thought I was one of the popular social media kids, and I couldn’t stop laughing. That comment, and the rest of our conversation, later inspired a post about considering how other people see us. There are definitely people out there who consider you one of the cool kids (personally, I think you’re awesome!), but they might never say anything. “Cool” is a subjective term anyway…although, I almost deleted that sentence because I’ve felt the same doubt and dejection you have when my “awesome” posts seem to go unnoticed. It’s even more frustrating when a totally fluffy Kool-Aid post gets a gazillion comments and tons of RTs. But, here’s what it comes down to for me. I am proud of everything I publish on my blog. If I’m not, it shouldn’t be up there. I believe that every one of my posts has something to offer, and I try to remember that even though no one may comment, it doesn’t mean no one read it. I hope this jumble of 6 o’clock on a Monday thoughts makes sense. You’re awesome, your blog is awesome, remember that :)
    .-= Sam Karol´s last blog ..Don’t Worry, Be Happy Now =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Sam – Yes! It always takes me totally aback when I get notes from people saying how they think I’m so “cool.” I want to check over my shoulder and see if they are talking about someone behind me. Cause I KNOW there is no way they are talking about me! It’s true, it’s all so subjective. At the same time, though, it’s like (I believe) you’ve written before.

      Or more importantly it’s like the Appreciation Revolution.

      If something someone write resonates, make sure to let them know. Either post by post or with a quick email or DM or something. Knowing that we aren’t just shouting in the breeze is VERY appreciated. And you get to feel all warm and fuzzy from reaching out. EVERYBODY wins!

  • http://typedink.com Jess

    I just wanted to say hello, I found this post through a retweet on Twitter. I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I have had a blog of some form or another since I don’t know 2000 or so and I’ve never had much of a following, and then nothing, no comments at all ever. Ive thought about scrapping it all as well, but then I looked at it as if, I like it, so I’ll keep doing it. If no one ever visits, then oh well, at least I do. So keep blogging!
    .-= Jess´s last blog ..Iron Man 2!!!!! =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jess – Well thanks for checking the blog out! Looks like the RT love DOES exist out there. :)

      Wow, you’ve definitely been doing this for a bit. Thanks for the encouragement. Though I’ve considered scrapping it I would never go through with it. I love it too much!

  • http://monicarolevans.com Monicarolevans

    I totally agree with you regarding the social media numbers game. I’ve always felt like the outsider trying to sneak into the cool kids club. That is, until I realized, I don’t really like what the cool kids stand for. The cool kids are kind of boring. They talk about the same thing every day. And it doesn’t really mean anything.

    I don’t like the incestuous nature of their popularity and I know that I don’t want to have to do that in order to get readers to my blog.

    I pride myself on being different, and the way I blog is no different. I don’t want to be an echo of what everyone else is saying or doing. I want to have my own voice, I want to be myself, (typos and all). I want to shift the status quo. And if that means that I’ll never have thousands of readers, I’m not HAPPY about it, but I am ok with it.

    I wrote a post similar to this last year and it made a few people unhappy. I almost shut down the site, then I realized that I don’t write for the accolades. I write because I HAVE to. Something inside me compels me to keep writing in hopes that someone, somewhere reads what I have to say and gets something from it.

    As someone who always reads and seldom comments, let me tell you that people get something out of your writings.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Monica – I remember that post. I don’t know who you made unhappy, cause I loved it. It was definitely an honest and real post, about the importance of content versus popularity. I learned long ago, though, that good content is not always popular. And what is popular is not always great content.

      Sure, there are exceptions to each of those statements, but in reality they seem to exist independently. It’s like the movies that the general public loves are generally the films that the critics hate.

      The repeating soundtrack of recycled blog posts are definitely irksome. I’m glad to have good blogs (like yours as well!) out there to make a difference!

  • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan Pogorzelski

    I’m 100 percent sure this comment is going to be a jumble of nonsense, but I’ve wanted to comment on the post since I first read it.

    First, the ever important — Yay, Glee! (PS: Did you know NPH is guest starring? Heaven, I tell you, heaven!)

    Right. The post. I have a feeling that a lot more people go through this phase than we realize, especially as I’m seeing so many people relating to it in these comments alone. Personally, I wanted to give up on blogging altogether at one point during the winter because it had become so frustrating, such a game, and I was recognizing it as such.

    Then I realized two things. 1) I am me. I’m not anyone else, and no one else can be me. I came into this social media world exactly as I am in real life, and if anyone doesn’t like it, then they don’t have to like it. But I’m going to be proud of who I am, what I’ve accomplished, and keep caring about what matters to me.

    And 2) Life means a hell of a lot more than numbers. I’ve been exactly where you are, Elisa — I felt inadequate, low, like I wasn’t doing enough, like I wasn’t good enough. It got to the point where I even questioned my own writing — my absolute passion. I wondered, “what does it matter if so few people are responding, if so few people are reading?”

    But then I got an email from someone who is now a friend. He said that one of my posts hit home, inspired him, helped him fight a bit of that darkness that I myself had been fighting at the time. Here’s what I learned from that email: you may go through life wondering if what you say and do is important, never knowing how much you mean to other people. But if you trust yourself, if you write for yourself, if you be yourself for yourself, then everything else will fall into place.

    As I once said in a tweet long ago: if you only knew what an impact you have on others just by being you, you wouldn’t want to be anyone else.

    Popularity is a game…A fruitless game. But life? That doesn’t have to be. You have formed real, true friendships from this space. Let that remind you just how special you are and how inconsequential everything else is.
    .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..It’s Kinda Tough Getting Older =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Susan – Right?! Every time I’ve listened to the song (have it in my Jeep) it just makes me all warm and fuzzy and happy. It goes back to that whole don’t frown cause you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

      Even if mine is crooked and my teeth show 30 years of coffee and red wine stains. It’s still mine, and some people still love it. Others look at it’s imperfections and state of “non-traditional beauty” and it isn’t good enough.

      It’s a part of me, an expression of my life. And I wouldn’t trade that for ANYTHING! As Lauren says, I’d take 5 people who love that than 5K that I don’t know WHAT they love about me.

  • http://theoffbeatreport.com Lauren

    Elisa,

    This is fantastic. And I couldn’t agree with you more. At first (and still sometimes) I feel like I’m “not the cool kid.” My posts don’t get tons of comments, I don’t get tons of RTs. But then I stop. I stop thinking about that “negativity” and remember why I do this in the first place. I participate in social media for ME. I write blog posts for ME. I tweet for ME (and my job :) ). It’s hard sometimes because I want to be the best, the most read, the most RTed the most followed, etc. etc. etc. But if I was, would I still write the same things? Would I still devote myself to true and utmost honesty on my blog if I knew (because of comments and RTs) that thousands and thousands of people were reading? I don’t know. But I do know, that I’ve met some AMAZING people through my blog and my twitter and other social mediums. It’s about QUALITY, not quantity in my book. I’d rather have 5 devoted blog readers that have turned into real life friends, then 5,000 strangers that don’t know two shits about me. Or care.

    Plus, I got to meet YOU! :)

    Stick with it. It’s worth it.

    xo

    L
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Apparently, I’m a control freak. =-.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Lauren – Meeting you = TOTALLY worth it! :)

      I love this: “I’d rather have 5 devoted blog readers that have turned into real life friends, then 5,000 strangers that don’t know two shits about me. Or care.”

      That’s how I feel when I dig deep down. But at the superficial heart pinging moments I wish I got a little more interest. I agree, though, with great power comes great responsibility. I’d always feel like I had certain things I *had* to say to keep people interested. Like I could never unplug or write about stuff I wanted.

      That would suck!