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The Blinker

15 June 2010 9 Comments

For the past couple weeks it’s been happening.

I’ve been logging on with the best of intentions.  Intentions of updating my stuff with witty banter and deep insights.  Intentions of being useful and putting together some really good content for people to read.  Intentions of at least hitting “publish” as that little blinking blog cursor taunts me with it’s flashing.

Sure, I’ve had the random case of writer’s block that snuck up on me out of no where and reared it’s ugly head at some very inopportune moments.  Like that annoying ex that shuns and ignores you for years but suddenly decides to be your BFF again (generally about the same time you update your Facebook status to read “In A Relationship.”)

For me, I’ve been staring at the page with so much I want to say and share, but absolutely not being able to find the words.  Or having the words but not sure that I’m ready to say them out loud.  Or wanting to run upstairs and throw up with overwhelminess each time I think about it.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Fred Paul

So today I had a brilliant article I was gonna write about the time my friends took me out for beer and wings at Bingas Wingas after I got stood up.  Then I researched this great idea for writing about limerance which is the adorable to the point of nauseating butterflies you get when you are still in the starting stages of liking someone and just want to spend the weekend curled up watching movies and constantly touching them.  Finally as I stood in the kitchen scrambling eggs this morning I contemplated the movie Runaway Bride and my own hive-induced terrors.

Instead I decided to procrastinate my entire day away on Twitter and Facebook.  And played on myxer downloading new ringtones.  And watching Pixar short animated films for two hours.  And doing anything possible to avoid writing about the flooding swirl of thoughts in my head.

Sometimes it is the outside world that gets the best of us when we are trying to work.  And sometimes the call is coming from inside the house.  But the words are definitely not coming out.

This may be getting logged in the Moleskine…

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  • http://modite.com Rebecca

    Guess what I’ve been doing instead of blogging? Playing Tetris! I was on a flight and I saw a young girl playing it on her iPhone, remembered how I loved it when I was young, and downloaded it for mine. So addicting! I honestly think it’s okay… we all need breaks and time to let our minds accomodate to everything else going on. And I’ll bet now that you’ve written about it, it will be better :)
    Rebecca´s last [type] ..The Young, Motivated & Unsatisfied

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Rebecca – Hey, good to see you “round these parts!”

      I love Tetris, I’ll occasionally still jump on Yahoo games and play their knock-off free version. I feel the same overwhelming frustration now as I did when I was 12. :)

      Hopefully it will be better…I still feel a little foggy about lots of it so we’ll see. But hopefully!

  • http://www.melissamullenphotography.com/ Melissa Mullen

    I can totally relate. But in a different way. During wedding season, I tend to do a lot of emotional processing after capturing a major event and a 100 or so guests per weekend. Sure, I have 1,000′s of images to cull and organize for my production team by Wednesday but sometimes I hit a road block. Like, I like you people but I simply can’t look at you all again for another 8 hour day. To ease my road block-ness, I’ve become consumed by the Showtime show Weeds. I’ve literally watched 3 seasons in 4 days. Yes, I’ve slept, worked, eaten, exercised and bathed but I’ve found that watching a drug dealing Mom and a whole town of crazy So Cal people spin their lives out of control an excellent way to indulge.

    I simply cannot wait until your words come out about what’s inside your beautiful head. xoxo . . .

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Melissa – Yes, it’s very similar to that. Overwhelmed with no finite REASON to be overwhelmed but still going into complete brain shut down mode and not being able to use it for any creative or productive purpose. I may have to look into this Weeds show, though I’ve discovered lately a little adult alternative music and reading something new are calming the racing mind.

      That and early morning walks around the boulevard with amazing friends talking about everything and nothing all at once :)

      We’ll see what comes out of my beautiful head – it may or may not be pretty cause it’s still pretty jumbled and very confused! Soon enough, though…soon enough.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Oh I so know where you’re coming from. I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but it’s something I’m finding all of us can relate to. All as in, writers or bloggers.

    I know there are ways to get over the hump, but I feel like the how-to’s only go so far…sometimes for me, it’s just something that is internal. Something that sparks up or dissipates. It’s hard. For now, let the blinker blink. I love your writing and love your honesty, so I’m certain something will bubble up and then you won’t even see the blinker because you will be type-type-typin’ away :)
    Grace Boyle´s last [type] ..Getting Kicked In the Teeth

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Grace – It is good to hear others go through it. I sometimes wonder when people are able to put out good post after good post!

      The problem I think is I write through a lot of problems, but I’m not quite ready to share a lot of it. So it’s festering all deep inside and one day will come bursting (or gurgling) out. Until then, however, I just stare at the blinker and long to write without inhibition. I don’t know if there’s really a “how-to” in matters like this.

      Time is probably the best remedy and/or solution. :)

  • http://www.sharonogle.wordpress.com Sharon

    I think it’s amazing that even when you think you don’t have anything to say, you write something so perfect. It describes what happens to every blogger at some point. It had been six days since I made a post, and I was panicking, I needed to say something! I always feel your posts have a purpose and it’s very eloquently put on the page. Thank you. Oh, and thanks to Rebecca, now I’m playing tetris!
    Sharon´s last [type] ..I miss my Dad today.

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Sharon – Tetris is an addiction that is best shared with others.

      I’m glad that you get something purposeful from my posts, I’ve learned to at least refrain from posting when I don’t have something halfway worthwhile to say. This is after a first few months of blogging when I posted babble.

      Now I just babble in my comments. :)

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