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Letters and Makers

1 July 2010 13 Comments

There are people that let things happen and there are people that make things happen.

I’ve spent most of my life being the prior.  Which has always been a difficult existence because most people assumed I was the latter.  In reality I’ve been an EXTREMELY lucky person.  That was likable enough that people went out of their way to help me.

And the Universe has been kind and caught me time and time again when I made foolish leaps without any thought or planning.  Even without the enticement of Tootsie Rolls (which I hear it adores!)  And I was left to wonder “why?”

Why does everyone else get to leap and do these fantastic things while I leap and don’t splat but do end up tumbling into the side of the cliff.

It was yesterday morning, as I sat listening to alternative wake-you-up-all-pepped-and-energized music that I realized the difference.  I had spent all those years letting things happen.  But I had done very little to MAKE them happen.

Hard work makes things happenPhoto Credit: Getty Images – Tooga

See, there are most definitely things you have to “let happen.”  Those things that are beyond your control.  Those things that will drive you CRAZY if you delude yourself into thinking you should try to change.

But a happy and successful and content and wonderful life isn’t about those things.

It’s about the things in between.  The things we DO have control over.  The reactions we have to them.  The first thought you have in the morning and the last thought you have before going to bed.  The things you ponder and during those long car trips no where and agonize over in the quiet moments when your mind inadvertently wanders to them.

They are the things we make happen.

We can sit and wait for life to happen to us.  To let it guide our path while we float along waiting for that email from a special person or promotion at our job or perfect condo or or or OR!  Like zombies on a march towards

Or we can make the plans, take the time to think, get our equipment and gear all in line and prepare to take the leap.  To scare the bejeezus out of ourselves and to trust ourselves like we never have before and to close our eyes and feel the wind begin to hit our face as we free fall into our futures.

There are people who let things happen and there are people who make things happen.

Which kind of person are you?

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  • http://sarasingstheblues.wordpress.com Sara

    Fantastic post… and this is something I’ve struggled with before!

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  • Lauren

    Yet again, you’ve read my mind. I’ve always been a “maker.” Seeing my dreams ahead of me and doing everything I possibly can to make then come true. But, I’ve also been extremely lucky. I think with the hard work comes the need for some sort of “right place, right time” caveat that I’ve been fortunate to fall into. It’s a combo of being a maker and a letter that really gets us where we truly belong. As cliche as it is, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes, no matter how hard we try to MAKE something happen, it doesn’t. And that’s because it’s not SUPPOSED to. If we identify our goals and work hard to achieve them, the universe will let it happen. If we are able to let go of what we can’t control and focus on what we can, we create our realities.
    Lauren´s last [type] ..Online Dating Chronicles- SCORE-

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

      Lauren – It’s so very true, even the hustlers have a fair share of luck/karma/fate/Universe working on their behalf. Also, the right place/right time thing is key. Many people come up on crossroads laid befor them from circumstances beyond their control. It is the decisions and things we make happen and our reactions to the situation that truly dictates where we will go from there.

      I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason. Again, not sure if it is luck/karma/fate/Universe/God/Gumby but somehow things converge around us in far too many coincidences to be random. If we are always fighting for things to happen (especially against those things we can’t control or change) then we will drive ourselves mad. Or at the very least lead very sad lives.

  • http://twentyorsomething.com Susan Pogorzelski

    I loved this question when you posed it on Twitter, Elisa, and I love that you’ve asked it again. Do you let life happen or do you make it happen? It’s funny…While you say you were the former, I think I spent most of my young adult life being the latter. Taking the opposite stance on your post: I once believed that you had to make things happen, yet I’m learning that it — and everything, really — is about finding the balance for yourself. When I was in college, I worked hard for everything I wanted — editor of the lit mag, winning writing awards, becoming a tutor. I was convinced that because I had worked so hard and because I wanted it so badly, I would get into a top grad school for publishing after I had graduated.

    Didn’t happen.

    Sometimes, I realized, the Universe can be swimming in tootsie rolls, but it’s still going to do what it wants — and what it wants is what it knows is actually best for you. Would my life be completely different had I actually gone on this path? Yes. Would it be better? Absolutely not.

    The thing about independence is that you realize you have a lot of that control — you can work hard and make things happen and not depend on anyone else but yourself. This means you’re the one who gets things done. This means all of the responsibility falls on you. This means it’s up to you and you alone. And yet, you can be too self-reliant. This is where I think letting life happens comes in — you can only push so far, do so much — before it begins to push back and put you on the path it knows you were meant to be on.

    This is probably my favorite paragraph because it’s so spot on: “Or we can make the plans, take the time to think, get our equipment and gear all in line and prepare to take the leap. To scare the bejeezus out of ourselves and to trust ourselves like we never have before and to close our eyes and feel the wind begin to hit our face as we free fall into our futures.”

    Make plans, work hard, push yourself, test the limits. Then take a leap and see where you land. You may fly or you may fall, but the Universe will be there to lift you up or catch you when you fall — tootsie rolls or no.

    One of my favorite posts of yours, Elisa…Beautifully written and it honestly provides such a great lesson to myself, who has needed the reminder. Thanks. And sorry for the novel. ;)

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Susan – Yes, we can bash our heads into a wall over and over again but all we’ll ever end up with is a headache (h/t Cheila Esquilin) There are many things that I did and decisions I made that probably did not turn out the way I wanted them to. And I would “argue” that while those things you did in your former life perhaps did not end with the results YOU anticipated I bet they did play a part in creating the woman you are and the life you have today.

      I didn’t really go into it but in college I was very much a Maker as well, and what that led to was a pretty heavy dependency on alcohol and dropping out. But at the same time, if had not hit that low I don’t think I would have such a bar to make sure I never hit again.

      I’m very much looking forward to the free fall and seeing where the Universe and I are going to end up. It’s like that Footprints poem…at the points that we were most tested and felt we were alone, in those moments we were actually carried.

  • http://speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen.wordpress.com mehnaz

    This post is so timely, it’s freaking me out.

    I have been thinking about this a lot. I’ve wanted to move for so long now, but I keep waiting for the “right opportunity” while so many people I know have just gone ahead and done it.

    So today, being the first of July, I’m making a plan to take this leap in the next 6 months. I shall be gone by December even if it scares me half to death.
    mehnaz´s last [type] ..Need a Writer I’m Good at What I Do-

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Mehnaz – Much like falling in love or starting a family or starting a business or any of those other “big life changing events,” there never is a “perfect opportunity” is there? I too spent far too much time waiting for all the pieces to fall into their exact places. Eventually the time comes that you just have to leap though.

      From your post referencing this one, however, I think you are on the same page. :)

  • http://lifeaftercollege.org Jenny Blake

    You know what else I love? (In addition to everything I sent you last night :)

    I love that you took your time to get to Maker land. So often I think we feel guilty for being a Letter, but you waited patiently, paid your dues, and then started dreaming…BIG. You are a Maker and an Inspirer and an all-around amazing woman.

    I am lucky to know you. But you already knew that :)
    Jenny Blake´s last [type] ..Freedom- My Money Manifesto

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Jenny – You are too too TOO sweet! And seriously, you want to talk about inspiration. Ummm…chatting with you THE NIGHT YOU FINALIZED YOUR FIRST DRAFT OF YOUR BOOK was pretty darn inspiring. July 1, 2010 shall be a date that is etched in both our memories for years to come.

      And yes, I made sure to be very calculated in my Making decisions. Similar to the preparation that anyone would take cliff jumping or sky diving I wanted to make sure I had done the training, had the right equipment, had scoped out the area and then eyes closed face to the wind leapt off the edge.

      Here’s hoping I will make it when I land. :)

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  • http://www.tooxyz.blogspot.com Ty Unglebower

    I like this post. And though it’s not the gist of your message, I liked that you were willing to acknowledge that sometimes you were helped. That sometimes people did something for you. That sometimes you were just “lucky”. I think many successful people tend to ignore those things, preferring to say to the world, (as well as themselves) that they always did everything all on their own. Your take was refreshing in that regard.

    As to your main point, I agree that action is key, and making things happen can be powerful. I would only add that it isn’t always possible to make everything happen every single time. (In my view.) But any given moment we do have some power to make something happen. It is the making, I dare say, that is the key.

    And finally, you and many others makes the suggestion of “scaring yourself”. Does taking risks and making things happen come with a requirement to be scared, in your opinion? If we move forward and make things happen, but are not afraid of the journey or the action, are we doing something wrong?
    Ty Unglebower´s last [type] ..The Stigma of Frugality

    • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa Doucette

      Ty – Very good point. Sometimes we try to force “something” to happen when in reality it’s just not going to work out. You’ll never fit a square peg in a round hole without changing one or the other.

      As for being scared being a “requirement” to risk well, to a degree I think that yes it does need to be one of the emotions. To take true risks…if there is no fear in your heart is it really a risk? In gambling I believe that is what they would call a “sure bet.” For taking action, however, no…it does not need to always be there.

      I’m a big quotes person and one that I have in my office is “To be prepared to fail is to be prepared for success.”