Tears are a funny thing.

We cry when we are happy.  We cry when we are sad.   We cry when we get something in our eyes and we cry when there’s some sort of eyeball trauma.

Scientifically, we shed tears to release hormones which build up during intense times of stress.   Thursday and Friday were days filled with happy and sad tears, and everything in between for me.

My friend, Jayson Nichols, passed away on August 7, 2010 after a valiant and hard-fought battle with brain cancer.  As if I didn’t effing hate cancer enough, this pretty much put me over the edge.  He was only 31 years old.

I met Jay through his brother, an extremely good friend of mine (and one of “my boys“) and some would observe that Jay was not a “close friend” of mine.  I mean, if he passed me on the street he would stop and hug me and see how I was and all, but we didn’t speak weekly or anything.

But that’s just the kind of person Jay was.  He met me once and immediately added me on Facebook.  He was crazy and goofy, making people laugh and putting them at ease.  He would talk to the shyest person in a room to bring them out of their shell, and for his friends and family he was one of those people that truly would have given you the shirt of his back.  He also had this belief that people were generally faking it – announcing at our last Relay for Life event that we’d all feel silly when he finally admitted “he was faking this cancer thing the whole time.”

And it sucks that he is gone.  Because the world needs more people like Jayson Nichols in it. Last week, we wept at opportune and inopportune moments, grieving our loss.  Capturing moments in our day to fixate on the empty spaces where he used to sit and chat.   Where he used to lay when he was too tired from chemo.  Where we were when we first learned of his diagnosis.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Lesley Magno

At his funeral, between silent heaving sobs (I don’t really like people seeing me cry, being vulnerable like that) I listened to the memories everyone had and the messages that were passed on.  They quoted from The Book of Ecclesiastes, reminding us that there is a season and time for everything.

That for every moment of happiness and laughter there is also a time for sadness and tears.

That for every time remembered, there is a searing pain for memories that will never be.

That for friend that has been lost, there is another friend who is gained.*

Tears happen, whether we are mourning at funerals or bursting at weddings.

It’s all a part of the beautiful balance of life.   And the living of that life is comprised of how we react to the things that happen around us.  We can choose to dwell in the pain or we can strive to cling to the sun.

Jay reminded us that we can grieve the fact that his life was cut far too short, or we can rejoice in the wonderful life he had.

Life is about those moments.  Those fleeting times that flash before our eyes, that we miss because we are focusing too much on what is to come.  Our futures are never guaranteed.  You cannot know what is going to happen.  We only have the moments of now.   Hysterical laughter with friends playing soccer and “tackle” in the yard with kids.  The way a lover’s hand feels as they caress your face and look into your eyes.  The feeling of pride that swells with a job well done.

The tears you cry remembering a friend with whom you will have no more of these memories.

And the smiles that creep onto your face, remembering the memories you get to keep.

I promise Jay, we’ll Never Quit.  Enjoy the Sox games.  You’ve gotta have a pretty sweet view!

* Stef & Karen I’m talking to you – you girls better come up from Boston to visit us lots!!!

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