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Finding It

1 February 2011 17 Comments

This is a guest post from Pas de Deux series contributor Noël Rozny

We sneak up on it in the dead of night, with our guns cocked and loaded.

Love, that elusive beast.

We try to hunt it down, but it escapes us.  It has become endangered – teetering on the verge of extinction, in this wasteland of romantic comedies, divorce, and the casual hook up. We’ve forgotten how to find it, so we look for it in all the wrong places: underneath the bottom of beer bottles, stuck to the back of a designer label, tucked in the furthest corner of our wallet. We hunt and hunt and hunt and the harder we do, the more intangible love becomes.

We try to grab it and hold on, but we can’t.

Heart confetti caught in spider web, Neal FowlerHow can we? It’s not a bucket but a web: silver, diaphanous strands connecting the elements of our lives: who we are, our inner genius, strung into our family who gave us our very DNA, wrapped into our purpose for being in the world that wakes us up in the morning, tied into the one who fills in our gaps and levels out the rough edges.

Love is not one concrete object that you can see or touch or compartmentalize, but many delicate things woven together to become like mesh. Impenetrable.

But we forget this.

We try so hard to grab it that the threads slip through our fingers. With our inept fumbling and reaching, we put too much pressure on one strand, causing the web to break.

We have forgotten to listen to our instincts, because the distant rumble of the media and hallmark holidays and empty sentiments drowns them out.

We have forgotten to be gentle, to be patient.

We have forgotten how to sit quietly in the clearing and wait for love to show itself. For a mist of dew to illuminate the web, showing first one strand, and then the next. Then how all the strands come perfectly together, holding one another in place.

We have forgotten that we are born knowing how to find love.

All we need to do is put our ear to the ground and listen.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons Search – Neal Fowler

Pas de Deux Contributor – Noël Rozny
Noël Rozny is a web editor and content manager who loves hot yoga, the written word, and all things social media. By day, she writes and edits the career and education blog, mypathfinder. By night, she works on freelance projects and her blog, frenchchristmas. Find her on Twitter @noelrozny.

Song: All Is Full Of Love – Bjork

17 Responses to “Finding It”

  1. Oh Noel, beautiful! You are completely right – we all know how to find love – it is in our DNA – yet we try so so so hard and have even gotten to the point where we compete with many other ladies on reality tv in hopes of a stranger giving us a rose.
    LOVE this! xo

  2. Christina says:

    What a great perspective and beautiful imagery. Love this.

  3. Noel says:

    @Diana, thanks so much for your feedback! You’re so right on. Love hasn’t just become a commodity, it’s become a competition, and on reality TV nonetheless. And to me, this is what writing this post and reading each entry in this series is going to be about: finding what love really means to each and every one of us, not some prescribed fantasy we’re driving ourselves crazy to find (when it doesn’t even exist in the first place).

    @Christina, thanks for your kind words! Trying to imagine love as something concrete helps me break down the cliches we get bombarded with this time of year.

  4. Lovely post, Noel! I absolutely adore this series, and yours was the perfect kick-off to this round of essays. “We have forgotten that we are born knowing how to find love…” Simply beautiful. I think it can also be added that we’ve forgotten that we were born knowing how to love, and how to be loved.

    Thanks for the reminder. Beautiful post!

    • Noel says:

      @Susan — Thanks! I couldn’t agree with your additions more: “we’ve forgotten that we were born knowing how to love, and how to be loved.” That’s so beautiful and so true. I think so many are never able to fully embrace love in their lives because they feel they don’t know how to give it,or that they’re not worthy of receiving it. But each and every one of us are: it’s one of the most beautiful and amazing parts of being human.

  5. Kim says:

    Noël, this was so beautiful. A gorgeous launch!

  6. Noel says:

    @Kim, thanks so much! I really appreciate the feedback.

  7. How beautiful! Such a sweet reminder, such a great beginning to this new series. I’m HOOKED already ;)!

  8. Noel says:

    Thanks so very much Melissa! I don’t know about you, but I’m really going to be looking forward to a Pas de Deux post to read every morning!

  9. Cheila says:

    Beautifully written post Noel; so eloquent. Very heart-warming.
    “We try to grab it and hold on, but we can’t.” “We have forgotten to listen to our instincts, because the distant rumble of the media and hallmark holidays and empty sentiments drowns them out.” These words made my fragile heart beat faster. Looking forward to more of your writing. Definitely your new follower. 🙂

    PS. Elisa…..I want to snuggle with your brain ;-)You come around with great ideas, put them out there so we can enjoy, plus you find amazing people! XOX

    • Cheila, my brain is always available for snuggling with you! 🙂

      And I love coming up with ideas and finding other amazing thinkers to share with folks. We all grow more brilliant collaborating than keeping our wonderful thoughts locked up inside.

  10. Noel says:

    Chelia, thank you so much for your thoughts! I’m glad they warmed your heart. We need it on cold, windy snowy days like today!

  11. Roxanne says:

    “We have forgotten that we are born knowing how to find love.
    All we need to do is put our ear to the ground and listen.”

    True words and beautiful ones. Thank you for sharing the charm of simplicity.

    • Noel says:

      Roxanne, thanks for the feedback. That’s exactly what shocked me when I was writing this, because I wasn’t sure quite where it was headed at first, but yes, the truth of love is that it is very simple. We’re the ones that make it complicated.

  12. Alex says:

    A beautiful and evocative piece, I really loved the imagery of the hunt, with loaded guns, for the elusive beast. Powerful and unusual. I look forward to reading much more from you Noel!

    • Noel says:

      Thanks Alex! I liked playing with the idea of the hunt, because that’s what I’ve seen myself do in the past, and others around me to. We treat it like a hunt, like love is something to be slayed, conquered, or possessed like a trophy. Slowly, I’ve had to realize this is not the case.

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