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The Secret Behind The Game

15 February 2012 5 Comments

Guest Post by All You Need Contributor Kristin Glenn

There’s this guy, Neil Strauss. He is a contributing editor to the Rolling Stone and on staff at the New York Times. But he is best known (in some circles) for a completely different set of accolades:

He is one of the foremost pickup artists in the world.

Yep. Strauss picks up women, and teaches other nerdy men to do the same. Their bible is a complete breakdown of how to attract the opposite sex, using in-depth studies of human psychology and behavior. Their community, dubbed the seduction community, has claimed to master the “art of the pickup.”

I thought it was bullshit. Until I found myself making out with some guy on a streetcorner in New Zealand, finding out later that he’d been using “the techniques” on me.

I felt like a chump. Not only do I typically avoid street-corner makeouts, but I also consider myself to be a pretty smart broad when it comes to guys and bullshit.

Eventually, I did what anyone would do — I tried to figure out how to play, what we all lovingly refer to as, “the game.”

In the same way we analyze mating calls between birds, we can (and many have) define and perfect the rules of the game. Anyone with tenacity can learn — it’s all about breaking down interactions and learning the very small intricacies of human behavior.

I, of course, never got past the learning phase; meaning that I didn’t end up hanging out in bars trying to pick up random dudes. (A laughable image if you know me.)

But in the last few years, I’ve met people who actively practice and play “the game.” People who devote a lot of time to studying behavior so that they can meet and date as many girls as possible. And to all of them, I’ve asked the same question:

“Don’t you just want to be yourself and find a girl who likes you for who you are? Do you really need to practice?”

And the answer is sad, and telling, and a reflection on our superficial society as a whole.

“No girl would talk to me if I were just myself. I did that for years and no one was interested.”

And then they tell me what they’re looking for, in the “seduction community” lingo that we can all relate to. They’re learning tricks and practicing their stuff for the one day when she comes along. The TFP.

The Total. Fucking. Package. More commonly known as, ‘the one.’

Yup, there is an entire community of men out there, studying human psychology and barhopping nightly, all to improve their “game.” So that they can eventually, someday, meet the TFP and not screw it all up with the wrong line or bad timing or a nervous laugh.

Because this is the most important game we’ll ever play. It determines the kind of life we have, the adventures we go on, our offspring, our family. Everything.

And the TFP is the game-winning trophy; an elusive artifact that even mastered pickup artists can’t explain.

It’s why we all play. What we all hope for, hold out for, and practice our moves for. Sometimes we convince ourselves that the TFP is a mythical creature who certainly doesn’t exist; and other times we’re certain the hippie on the bus is “him.”

I write about Strauss, and the game, because it’s mushy, gooey love month (i.e., the time when we wonder what’s wrong with us and the world and everyone in it). And it’s a good time to restore faith in the TFP.

It’s a good time to give someone a chance; even if they’re still practicing their moves. It’s a good time to think about just how hard someone might be trying before shutting them down in six total fucking seconds just because their pants look stupid.

I guess it’s as good a time as any to open yourself up to the fact that we’re all just players vying for the grand prize — somebody to love.

All You Need Contributor: Kristin Glenn

Kristin Glenn is half of the design-duo at {r}evolution apparel, a women’s clothing line focused on versatile design and recycled fabrics. To see how two twenty-somethings are attempting to make serious changes in the frilly fashion industry, check out www.revolutionapparel.me or follow them on Twitter at @allofusrev.

Song: The Avett Brothers – If It’s The Beaches

photo credit: Brett L. via photopin cc

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  • http://ryanstephensmarketing.com/blog/ ryanstephens

    I feel like Strauss gets a bad rap because of the PUAs that ‘abuse’ “tactics,” but it’s not really about that for most of those guys. Most of them are merely learning things that will allow them to TALK to a woman and to acquire a bit of confidence along the way. It’s not that they’re trying to manipulate anyone – they’re just trying to give themselves a shot. And FEW women want desire the company of a timid beta man.

  • http://www.ndoherty.com/flirt Niall Doherty

    I’ve been working on getting better with women and more comfortable expressing my sexuality for the past year or so. Reading The Game helped, as did many other things. My dating life is now better and more fulfilling than ever. I’m much less likely nowadays to see an attractive woman and wuss out on striking up a conversation with her to see if we’re compatible. And I happily open up to the women I’m dating about how I’ve been working on my flirting. That’s led to some great conversations.

    I think some guys definitely get too caught up in the whole scene and are essentially trying to trick women into liking them. The best interactions I have are always the ones that feel natural, where I’m not trying to recite lines, and I’m not even worried about impressing the girl. I’m just having fun, and if the girl is a good match for me she usually responds well to that and we get along great. If not, I move on.

    I do find it strange how nobody gets mad at a great public speaker who’s learned to evoke a desired response from his audience. You could say that he’s not really being himself, because he had to learn those skills.

    I don’t see it as “not being yourself,” but more as “becoming a better version of yourself.”

  • http://www.byjanet.net/purple Purple Panda

    I’m kind of torn with the whole PUA thing. As a woman, I don’t like the ‘bullshit’ that this seems to favor but on the other hand, it’s helping millions of shy guys gain confidence in approaching women. So I don’t think guys who use PUA technique are all automatically assholes or douchebags. That being said, I remember an ex telling me he could totally fuck me again when he uses the techniques on me (I would never fuck him again, and being an overweight dude I’m not physically attracted to doesn’t help his chances)… he seemed SO confident about that and I found it so offensive that I haven’t talked to him again.

  • http://thegoodwordofsprout.blogspot.com/ JMH

    Total fucking package?  That seems greedy.  I’ve been playing with just the packing peanuts for years.  They’re soft, yet durable.

  • http://www.hrostoski.com/ Mike Hrostoski

    Learning to understand and attract the opposite sex is arguably one of the most important skills someone can have. This goes for both guys and girls. With these skills you cannot procreate and your genes will cease to exist in the world.

    I’m all for men (and women) doing some self-study and field testing to better calibrate this skill. Why not be the best you that you can possibly be right? This is just another skill like sales, public speaking, and facilitating that doesn’t come naturally but can be improved with practice.

    I really see no downsides with it at all. Granted, there are guys out there that will be assholes about it, but they were an asshole before they picked up a copy of The Game. And girls manipulate/hurt men just as often.

    Great post, I like your take on the whole phenomenon that is “The Game” and the lessons at the end.