His post “Nice People Don’t Change the World” begins with this:

Nice people don’t change the world and you don’t put a ding in the universe by getting everyone to like you.

Ouch. I mean, way to get knocked on your backside with a slapshot of reality.

As a person referred to no less than a dozen times as the “nicest girl in the blogosphere” or something similar (though the reason for that escapes me as I am equally often called out for being a mean bitch) I was very conflicted by the post.

I am aware, painfully so, that being nice does not always get you far in life.

In fact, when the only word someone can muster to describe you is “nice” they might as well be saying “this person does not factor into the continuation of the human race as a whole.”

Harsh, yes. But the truth hurts, baby.

I can think of approximately 792 other adjectives I would rather be described as besides “nice”. That is only off the top of my head.

However if we are going to clear-cut reality into such a bare concept we must consider one static law for the Universe: For every action there must be an equal but opposite reaction.

If nice people don’t change the world, who does? What is the opposite of nice?

Antonyms for “nice” online include: intolerable, awkward, improper, inappropriate, indecent, abominable, detestable, irritating, disagreeable, unwelcome, ill-natured, boorish, surly, cantankerous, contentious…you get the idea. When all you are is “nice” it is insulting. When you take on these adjectives…yikes!

I just sum it up simply with one word.

Jerk.

Are the only people who can change the world jerks?

I’m *pretty* sure that isn’t exactly what Joel is saying.

But it is dangerous territory, when we start throwing around ideas like “nice people don’t change the world” because it implies that the opposite of niceness is what should be rewarded in our world. Before you know it, cat fights erupt between housewife friends and manipulative business deviousness to get all your colleagues fired is revered as celebrity and must-see entertainment.

Not everyone is going to like you. Even if you are the nicest person in the world. People will be irked by your ridiculous niceness. Ever read Pollyanna? That old lady HATED that kid for the majority of the book! Til the girl won her over with crystals and jam or some other church bazaar wares.

It really all comes down to intent.

Which isn’t as clean and easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy, is it?

People who are hungry to change the world will do so at any cost.

That means pissing people off, working hard towards creating your legacy, putting your vision ahead of other needs and desires, getting rid of the unnecessary clutters in your world,  breaking rules, kicking ass and taking names.

Doing things that are sometimes seen as not so nice. Or approved of. Or accepted. Yet you endure the betrayal of false friends and the wrath of jealous adversaries. All because you want to make the world a better place. You want to leave your mark and let people know you were here.

As Joel writes in the middle of a paragraph in the middle of the post:

But (and this is equally important), don’t worry about making people mad just because your dissenting opinion makes them angry. Just because they want something different from life than you does not mean you need to change the way you live yours to please them.

That doesn’t mean that you have to be a jerk about it. As someone said in the Dynamite Circle forums last week, “Unless they were being cute, nobody would agree that it is okay to be a selfish prick.”

Are you setting out to make friends or are you setting out to take on enemies?

Or are you setting out to change the world?

That, my friends, is what will make all the difference.

Photo Credit: Melissa Mullen Photography (more shots from this shoot on new sites, launching 2012)

But how many of us are willing to accept the consequences for that?

I’m one of those people who has two speeds in life. Fast. And Faster.

As much as I crave slowing down and living an intentional life, I find that I get bored (aka twitchy) when I do that. There’s too much to be done and too many things to explore and experience.

I was one of those kids that thought they were “missing out on something” when I wasn’t engaged. I don’t like falling in ruts. When I go out to dinner with people I try to sit with my back to the restaurant, otherwise I’ll get caught people watching rather than participating in discussion. (Note: This is especially bad form on first dates.)

My need for speed also spills over, a little too often, into my driving.

Having spent years in a job that logged me nearly 15K annual miles on a company car that I only used for business, I got comfortable on the road.

Really comfortable.

I love weaving highway traffic and flipping around on a back road. I’d contemplate stock car racing or demolition derbies if I had a car worth wrecking.

When you drive so often, and likely on deadline to get to a specific place by a pre-determined time, you begin to learn the rules and how you can bend them.

No more than 10 MPH over the speed limit on the highway and a police officer won’t even blink at you when you drive past.

I wonder if they know this and set speed limits for 10 MPH less than they want cars driving, assuming we are all going to press our luck breaking the rules.

Cause speeding is breaking the rules.

Fuck that. It is breaking the law.

Hear that Mom? I’m a criminal. I’m sorry. You raised me better. (Actually you didn’t. You guys taught me I could go up to 75 MPH on the highway. So really, this is your fault.)

Fortunately (I’d like to invoke an entire forest of trees to manifest beside me so I can knock on a lot of wood) I have never gotten a speeding ticket before.

But yesterday, as a state trooper practically escorted me for nearly 10 miles on the highway (for the record I was going only 70 MPH – my cruise control was set!) I realized that I had three options:

1. Merge into the breakdown lane and see if he was going to pull me over
2. Eyes straight ahead, focused on my drive, staying the course
3. Make a break for it and gun my Jeep to 95 MPH to begin a high speed chase down the highway dodging traffic and eventually Thelma & Louising myself over the New Hampshire border at the Piscataqua Bridge.

Look lovely. You’ve already broken the rules. You’re break-neck speeding down the highway at 70 MPH when the speed limit sign clearly indicates that the speed on Interstate 95 is 65 MPH.

You are shaking the dice in your hand. You are playing the game. You’re in it now.

That’s pretty much how life goes when we are pushing the boundaries. We have options.

What stops us from exercising these options is their consequences.

You know the consequence for speeding. It is a ticket.

You know the consequences for bending what ever rule it is you are going to break.

My guess is that somewhere, in some recess of your mind and soul, you have made peace with that consequence. If you are taking company time to work on your side hustle, you might get fired. If you are off-shoring your company domestication to dodge your country’s tax laws, you might get slammed with tax penalties in two nations. If you are not paying your credit card bills to pay other bills or drink lots of bourbon, you are going to get your credit revoked and some very angry creditor calls. If you are not replying to emails from clients/readers/Nana’s then some people are going to be pissed and tell you that you suck.

Now you look at your options. Pretend that you’ve been caught. What are you going to do?

1. Meekly hang your head and quietly accept the punishment someone else has decided you deserve for your actions
2. Avoid the situation, focusing instead on your end goal and hoping that the “authorities” either get bored or decide that you aren’t actually breaking the rules that much and move on
3. Throw up a big middle finger gesture to the world and run for it, full-speed toward you goal, flinging yourself into the safe territory of a new bracket of authority or a place of new-found obscurity.

Every different situation of bad-assery has a different approach to the solution. Avoiding an overdue creditors bill and hoping it will go away is irresponsible and ignorant. Yet meekly hanging your head and accepting punishment for pursuing your passions will not serve you or your employer in the end.

One thing is for sure though. Only go for solution three if you are prepared for a whole heaping load of consequences to come falling down on your head. Maybe it won’t. But you need to think about it and take it like a grown-up if you get caught.

I’m all for break-neck speed. Fast and faster. Push your boundaries, test your limits…see what happens. Often the worst that will happen is someone will tell you “no”.

If you are going to go for a break-neck speed get-a-way, you damn well better be ready to out run the cops.

But don’t ever use any of it to be an excuse for not doing something. The greater the risk the greater the reward.

Or, as Uncle Ben/Voltaire would say: With great power comes great responsibility.

Photo Credit – 21 months in to owning my Jeep and I only put 10K miles on it

Everyone has their special “things” that they associate with the holidays. Special pies at Thanksgiving. Those sugary jelly-doughnut things (apparently sufganiyot – thanks Google!) at Hanukkah. Chex Mix at Christmas. Champagne at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Apparently my special holiday traditions and things revolve mostly around food and drink.

Thanksgiving Eve is no exception.

I mused earlier this week that I was a little misty and sad coming up on my last Thanksgiving celebration stateside for probably at least a year. Thanksgiving weekend is kind of a thing with my friends. And by kind of I mean that it is a holiday tradition that has been celebrated for at least 10 years.

I’m a firm believer that you get to choose your family. Not the ones you are born with, but the friends that become your family as you journey through life. If you don’t have friends like that and think I’m a crazy person, then I feel nothing but a deep cloud of pity for you.

Since most of us have lived in Maine our whole lives and not ventured more than a state or two away to live, our actual Turkey Day is generally reserved for family dinners. That is why we celebrate Thanksgiving Eve.

Thanksgiving Eve consists of all of us gathering at a local bar to drinks beer, chat, hug and celebrate friendship for a few hours. In years of our youthful past, it was the anchor leg of a relay drinking weekend that involved shenanigans unsuitable for the daytime blogging audience. You know it is a good time when one of the most fabled stories of the experience involves the phrase “I went on a four-day bender and woke up on Monday with a girlfriend.”

The night builds excitement and anticipation leading up to turkey at midnight.

Because Thanksgiving OBVIOUSLY isn’t Thanksgiving without turkey.

But we don’t do turkey in the conventional way.

No no, based on the brilliance of four guys a few years ago, we began drinking shots of Wild Turkey bourbon at midnight as a celebratory round.

Now Wild Turkey may be good enough for Hunter S. Thompson, but it is a bourbon that I recently characterized as an “esophageal shanking”. There is just no good chaser for Wild Turkey (per my friend Noreen’s brilliance last night!)

Why do we put ourselves through this every year?

It isn’t  that there is some esoteric and profound meaning to pounding back bourbon at 12:01 AM. In fact, I am pretty sure there is nothing that could be remotely considered an esoteric and profound meaning to pounding back bourbon at 12:01 AM.

It is tradition. It is what we do. It is a manifestation of our ridiculous personalities, joking natures and willingness to do crazy things in the name of fun whenever we get together.

It is also probably a bit of an indication of our predilection towards alcohol being involved in many of our gatherings.

I know I’ll get to create all new traditions next year wherever I might be in the world. Many have brought it to my attention that the world will still be spinning on Black Friday (hopefully) if I don’t get Wild Turkey and apple pie with my friends.

But that isn’t the point.

The funny thing about holiday traditions is that they are rarely about things.

And if they are, then you should seriously re-evaluate your priorities in this world.

And I was all “You don’t know me, I do what I want. Whateva whateva, I’ll crush this list!”

Well…I lied about my 2011 Goals.

Ish.

I noted in April that I had already readjusted some goals. A few that were already obsolete (seriously, tell me again why I wanted to start an Etsy store IN ADDITION TO EVERYTHING ELSE I WERE DOING?!) and a few that needed to be examined as I wasn’t close to on track for them (15 hrs of TV a week, send a handwritten letter to someone weekly, read 52 books this year).

Then, April things went nuts. In May and June they got better. By July I was gasping for air as I had been treading water way too long and was starting to go under. Towards the end of August I stood by as my heart shattered into little pieces. In September I got a reminder that I needed to update my goals for third quarter and I actually laughed at the computer.

Yes. I sat there staring at the screen and I burst out in guffawing laughter.

I had barely looked at those goals since May. They sat in the back of my mind (I should have taken Jenny’s advice and printed them to hang somewhere so I could be reminded of them!) but I didn’t even know everything on the list.

Nor had I taken any time to get some of the easiest (hello…library card…really?!) ones checked off.

So, with 6 weeks left to the year, I’m faced with an interesting conundrum:

Should we always finish the things we start?

The mere fact that the question starts with the phrase should infers a WHOLE LOT about the legitimacy of the conundrum. But there is something to be said for following through. It establishes a precedent in your life and maintains an aspect of your character.

One day you are blowing off a few obsolete goals on a ridiculously cliched annual list and the next you are snorting blow off a hooker’s ass in a Vegas strip club because your life has gone that horribly awry.

(Note – I may have watched too many after-school specials about the grandiose consequences of questionable simple actions)

When I wrote my 2011 Goals in January, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I did not anticipate where my life would be this November.

This is precisely the reason that many people don’t do resolutions.

Things change. People change.

LIFE CHANGES.

I’m sure you all figured out that many of my 2011 Goals are out the window for the rest of they year.

That might make me a quitter. That might make me lazy. That might mean that I don’t finish the things I start.

I’ll spend time contemplating all these things as I’m sitting on the beach with my laptop and a bottle of Bintang the first couple weeks of 2012. 

Photo Credit – Derrick Diemont on Flickr (Looks ominous, huh?)

My move is going to take me on a *slightly* different path than San Francisco.

Instead, I’m moving to Bali to be the TMBA #9 Intern.

Yep. You read that right.

Bali. Indonesia.#BOOM

Dan, Ian, David and all those other crazy Tropical MBA guys poured over a bunch of applications, Skyped with folks, talked amongst themselves, probably drank a couple beers, and somehow decided at the end of the whole process to offer me a job.

I will have a post with more details and FAQ’s about what this position entails in the next couple weeks. Once my brain has adjusted to the HOLY-HELL-I’M-GOING-TO-BALI-ness of it all. And once we figure out what exactly I’m doing out there.

As my friend Nate (who, PS, just WALKED ACROSS AMERICA and got featured on The Art of Non-Conformity) told me last night…it is impossible to even attempt to know where to start writing about this, let alone doing it coherently. Given any 20 minute period of time my emotions range from belligerently excited to shakingly nervous to ridiculously terrified to walking-on-clouds-filled-with-glee.

I have always been scared to do something like this. And not moved ENOUGH by the internet marketing and e-commerce positions (that are DREAMS for many other people) of the previous TMBA postings to push myself out of the comfortable existence I was living. Even though I had read 4 Hour Work Week and The Art of Non-Conformity, I didn’t feel like I had the guts to do what they had done.

This spring, my life felt like it was falling apart. By mid-summer I was overwhelmed with a feeling that I just couldn’t explain. I wasn’t depressed or exceedingly sad.

I had just lost my sparkle.

Then Dan posted his 9^th Tropical MBA Internship.

And I was all like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal, minus the rolling around in a bed of hundred dollar bills (though that would have been SWEET!)

Not only did I see the job entailing so many things I loved about being online (writing, editing, website and brand development) but I saw the potential for a much bigger opportunity within their organization (content management, online publishing, and brand authority). Plus, the job involved getting relocated to Bali with living expenses for 3 months to get settled with the possibility of extending.

I emailed my SPIRLBFF and said “Oh my god I want this gig so much I think I’m going to throw up!”

Staring at the computer, my mind racing as I started crafting the application essay in my head, I began coming up with every possible reason that I was completely foolish to even entertain the thought of applying.

Let alone doing it.

Eventually I closed the laptop, and walked away.

Damn laptop. It called to me. Like that plant in Little Shop of Horrors.You know, the one who sings and seems all friendly but is actually a blood-sucking alien devoted to the annihilation of the human species?

I was intrigued. But also terrified that I might unleash something that I was completely unprepared to harness.

Night after night, I’d find my way to the Tropical MBA site, and read through the description. I’d leave the tab open, thinking that maybe (just maybe) I’d go back and fill out an application. Never following through.

I talked to my sister, and was like “I’m crazy to not apply for this, right?” She listened dutifully to my concerns and excitement and vision for what I’d want to bring to the position and told me “This is the opportunity of a lifetime and it is perfect for you. It is your dream job. How could you not apply for it?”

I watched for two weeks as countless brilliant people announced that they were applying. People that I frankly thought I had no chance of ever getting the position over. So I kept mulling the application over in my head, but how could I do it? It wasn’t a good time. I had no chance.

It is crazy to wish, or even start. Wishing only wounds the heart. What happens if I fail? What happens if I fall on my face?

I began work editing Joel Runyon’s manifesto for his new ImpossibleHQ site. It was exactly what I needed to hear. “Failure is a part of a the story, but it’s not the whole story. It’s just another obstacle waiting to be overcome.”

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was breaking my heart to not even try for it.

Staying small hurt too much.

I spent 9 ½ hours working on that application the day before it was due. I researched their sites. I analyzed their content. I drafted each individual essay answer and then edited them a half dozen times over. By 11:30 PM I was finally ready to record my video, which was a 5 minute mixture of my absolute desire and passion for this position and everything I would bring to the table, explaining why I was the best candidate for them to hire.

In the application I said:

This might not be ‘the perfect time’ for me to apply for a job that I have half-convinced myself was written specifically for me, which exists halfway around the world.

But I do not think I will be able to wake up and look at myself in the mirror tomorrow morning if I don’t.

The whirlwind began. I blew my first Skype call with David and Dan. They say I didn’t totally blow it. I sure as hell know *I* wouldn’t hire me based on that call.

I was 7 minutes late getting on my Skype call with Ian, after breaking about 47 traffic laws in rush hour traffic in Portland. He was awesome to talk to, and knowing it was my last chance, I sold myself like I was tap dancing a cross examination in the musical Chicago.

I nailed it.

Two days later, at 10:29 on Saturday night, I got an email from Dan saying “You have a minute to Skype? EOM”

I had to Google what EOM meant.

He asked me a few more questions. He pointed out (again) that I was way over-qualified for the job they posted. He grilled me to ask if I was SURE I wanted this job and wanted to live in a house with 4 boys (who probably have cooties…thank GOD I’m getting immunizations before I leave!) and wanted to work my little fingers raw.

I asked him if he was offering me a job.

He asked if I wanted it.

I asked him if he was offering me a job.

He laughed and said yes.

Then, fortunately, his internet died for about 3 minutes. Because I was running around my friends’ apartment where I was crashing, squealing and shrieking in tones only audible to the dogs in the neighborhood.

So how am I doing now?

Well, I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

By the beginning of January I’ll be on my first international flight ever, preparing to live overseas having never lived anywhere other than the state of Maine. I need to get a foreign work visa and a ton of other paperwork. I would like to have a few thousand dollars kicking around “just in case”. I need to get my ass to the gym for 3 hours a day cause I’m gonna be running around in a tank top and shorts all the time (I’m assuming…seems kinda sick hot there!) I need to tan or I will fry up like a little red lobster in the equatorial sun.

When I attempted to find a flight out, I got this message:

Thank you, TripAdvisor, for pointing out that this idea is bat-shit crazy!

It is absolutely flat out stupid for me to do this.

Dammit, I have never been happier about a single decision in my life.

The things that you SHOULD do.

Often, your advisers and guidance counselors are not trying to break your spirit or cause you pain. They want to help, they want to see you succeed, they want to see you happy.

They love you.

They just don’t know what to say or how to say it. Or they don’t know any other way to live life than the path they’ve chosen.

Or they are scared and/or don’t actually love you as much as they state they do, and they want you to color inside the lines.

My friend Rosemary often reminds me when I slip the SHOULD word into my sentences that I shouldn’t go should-ding all over myself.

I somehow thought that as I got older and wiser and grew and changed there would be a decline in the number of people telling me what I SHOULD do with key decisions. Yet as I move further and further away from the traditional perfect life that so many people live and love, the more people tell me what I SHOULD do to achieve their lifestyle.

Because they are happy and they want me to be happy, too.

But what if I were happy being me? What if that was somehow enough?

Shockingly, it is.

In a few moments of morning contemplation, I thought over a few of the things people have told me I SHOULD do. Paths that were laid out and manicured and perfect, yet for some unknown rebellious reason, I continue fighting through the opposite side of the fork. The path not taken.

Frost was right, it really has made all the difference.

12 Things I Should Have Done (And Some That I DID But Realized I Hated)

1.) You SHOULD marry him because you already promised your heart and made the commitment

2.) You SHOULD go to that hugely expensive school because you will get a much better education and be in line for a better job

3.) You SHOULD be exercising at least an hour a day and depriving yourself of all food that is bad for you because you need to look like the women on film and in magazines

4.) You SHOULD stay in school even though the lifestyle you have created is so destructive that you will probably be dead or in rehab by age 25

5.) You SHOULD pick a career that is safe and has opportunities for advancement because you are going to be doing it for the next 50 years

6.) You SHOULD  tone down your laugh because it is too loud and boisterous and annoying

7.) You SHOULD do the assignment you are given and not think of any alternative solutions because you work for us and we know what is best, always

8.) You SHOULD not act so smart and use your “big words” around people because they will think you are being superior and not like you

9.) You SHOULD just settle and marry someone because men your age don’t want you, they want women younger than you to make babies with

10.) You SHOULD move away to another place simply because your life will never have enough experience if you don’t

11.) You SHOULD write copy like “How To Repair Your Own Piano Damper Pedal” for slave wages because at least you are writing

12.) You SHOULD admit that your business isn’t where it needs to be, give up and just remember the time that you tried because you have not achieved success quickly enough

What things are you being should-ded into doing today?

Go check it out.

Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

*whistle whistle whistle*

Hey, welcome back!

Admit it, you laughed out loud. A lot.

What? You didn’t go?

Fine.

Here are some of the gems from Twitter’s recent search results:

• Need to get my dress dry cleaned cos I spilt some champagne on it in the limo #FirstWorldProblems (@MedaBuhHuh)
• I really wish the cleaning people would leave so I could continue my 90s dance party. #firstworldproblems (@rachaelgk)
• I think I just waterboarded myself with my neti pot #firstworldproblems (@nicomuhly)

Or you can just follow FirstWorldLife. Or check out the website Stuff White People Like.

I’ve never been a big fan of the “let’s make ourselves feel bad that we get upset about stupid things” school of thought.

Sometimes the small stuff DOES make us sweat, and sometimes we are just having a REALLY BAD DAY and we could care less about the starving children in Africa.

And sometimes, when that friggin’ Sarah McLachlan commercial about puppy mills comes on TV I walk out of the room because I refuse to get sucked into the emotional roller coaster that will envelop the next 90 seconds of my existence.

We can’t stop the way that we feel. Even if it is silly and trivial and a purely superficial want.

Of course we realize there are much bigger problems in the world. People die everyday from horrible diseases. Millions of people don’t have clean water to drink. Women are raped and tortured. Children are enslaved and sent off to battle. War…hunger…genocide…and…and…and…

Part of the reason I like seeing the #firstworldproblems pop up in my Twitter stream is that it reminds me that even though we have these knee-jerk reactions to the circumstances of our lives, they really are simple small things that we should chuckle about rather than getting ourselves so worked up about them.

There is a danger in focusing on these little problems and thinking they are an ACTUAL problem.

The sheer effort that is exerted in getting worked up and caring about so many little things is enough to exhaust a triathlete.

So why do we do it to ourselves?

I’ve been guilty on countless occasions of speculating and questioning great things to a point of endangerment and then total extinction. Fixating on tiny details and situations that should otherwise be shrugged off. Sitting on a pile of clothes in the middle of my room sobbing as I attempted to find something to wear from an entire wardrobe of selections.

First world problems are a lessons in futility.

Not because “we have it so good” and should consider what others would give to be in the position we are in.

But at the end of the temper tantrum, what do we have to show for it?

If you’ve got 99 Problems, what is there to be happy about?

In the end, I’d rather choose happiness every time.

Photo Credit: Josh Summers Flickr

Lying limp and beaten at the bottom of a cavernous hole so deep that the light above is barely a pinprick in the expanse of darkness.

Heck, I was there last week. (Well, in fairness, I was there on April 14th.)

This isn’t a post about how everything is all better now. Life doesn’t really work that way.

Instead it is about the realization that you achieve while you are lying there on the cold dirty ground. That the light might be impossibly far away, but oftentimes impossible things are in fact possible. We just can’t bring ourselves to believe that is true.

So how do we get ourselves to that point when we unfurl from our sobbing fetal position, stretch out our exhausted muscles and try to sit up and make sense of where we are.

Say It Out Loud – Admit It

They always say that this first step is the hardest, and man, they aren’t kidding.

Maybe you have managed to convince yourself that there is no possibility, no hope.* Maybe you have managed to completely fool your brainwaves into thinking that everything is actually ok.

Maybe you have come to believe that the sparkling unicorns that dance merrily in front of you telling you how to forge into the forest and steal the Gingerbread Man’s gumdrop buttons are your only friends in the world.

Before you admit it to yourself, and possibly a significant other/BFF/colleague/entire-blogging-audience, then you allow yourself to wallow in the pain (sometimes unknowingly) and live out the status quo, believing that it will never get better.

Until you will speak the words “This Sucks” and adopt them into your psyche, nothing is going to change.

Self-Indulge – Wallow - Throw Shit

Lots of people will say that now that you have admitted that you are having a rough go of things, then you should just get over yourself and move on.

Those people managed to hit a cliff or ledge on  their way down to the hole-floor. Or they don’t even know where or what the hole is. Or they read a LOT of books from The Oprah Book Club and/or watch a LOT of kitten videos on YouTube and feel they are somehow qualified to dish out cliched and condescending advice.

(Please know they mean well, and don’t punch them in the face. An assault charge will not help matters at this point in time.)

Now that you have admitted that your pain and situation/circumstances are real, we are gonna fly through the stages of grief right to Anger. (Or if you {miraculously} aren’t in a place of anger, we’re gonna go to a place where you basically hug yourself for 12 hours straight).

Take the time to adjust to the feelings you are feeling. Promptly swishing past them and trying to pretend everything is ok will not help. They’ll come back twice (or seventy times) as bad.

Just don’t hang out in this place too long. It is VERY easy to get comfortable, and one can only eat so many cheeze balls in one sitting (believe me, I know).

 Shake Things Up

Like you see on one of those dramatic medical shows that everyone is hooking up with everyone else on, sometimes people’s hearts stop. Their spirits just give up on them for a minute. The doctors have to grab those electric paddle things that ZAPPPPP the lifeless body back to reality.

When you are in this funky frankly fuckity place, it is easy to get stuck in that self-indulge/wallow/pamper/throw-shit world. Do something that jolts you right the heck out of it!

New drastic haircut. Visit someplace new. Try a restaurant type you have never had before. Fall in love. Eat ridiculously indulgent gooey chocolatey desserts. Sneak onto a baseball field and practice your homerun skills while the imaginary crowd chants your name.

The timing might not be right. It might, in fact, seem like the worst idea you have ever had.

And you know what – that is PERFECT! That probably means that it is, in fact, an excellent idea.

Now that we’ve coddled ourselves and feel warm and fuzzy we’re gonna get into some tough love.

The status quo hasn’t really been working for you. Or maybe you like laying dirty at the bottom of ridiculously deep well?

Do something different. Something that you love so much that your heart explodes in a big disgusting hearty mess all over the wall. Or that scares you so much you want to throw up on your shoes.

Don’t think that doing these things will be ALL you need to “fix things”. But they will certainly start giving you some tools.

It is the only way to shake yourself sound enough to turn the WANTING to do something into the action of actually DOING something.

Ask For Help

There’s no shame in it.

It helps you think things out. It can make you feel better. You learn that there are people who have struggled/are struggling/will struggle with the same things.

You can work together. Form a band of merry miserables hell bent on making life better. Realize that even though you might feel that way, you are not alone.

Also, don’t be afraid to take help when it is offered. Whether it is an actual physical helpful thing or *just* an ear to bend or shoulder to lean on, they are all going to help you feel better.

Oh! And please please PLEASE do not turn down help when it is offered. That is just silly. And insulting to the help offerer. So, don’t, m’kay?

Grab The Reigns of Your Destiny and Ride That Ride

We’re past the feeling bad portion of this downward spiral. Remember, we’ve gotten that out of our system? We broke things then ate chocolate and played baseball. You did those things, right? Cause they are vitally important.

I think, in part, it involves sitting at your computer working with this song on repeat for seven hours straight.

For me, I’m still in the ask for help/accept help step of this brilliant manifesto checklist, so I’ll have to get back to you on the grab the reigns part. The fullest and/or implementation of it.

Or, you know. You can keep reading and see how the story turns out.  ;)

* Sometimes you can’t pull yourself out of the darkness on your own, or even with the help of friends and family. It takes just as much bravery (sometimes more) to admit you need more help than warm fuzzies and if your heart collapses with despair at the possibility of even beginning to slog through these steps, then please do me a favor as your loving online blogging girl and seek out professional services. There is no shame in it, and I want to see you happy, healthy and fulfilled round these parts!

Photo Credit: Unseen Portland  :: Photo By KJMaine

Come up with an excuse.

And why not? If governments, corporations, organizations and iconic figures have taught us nothing in the past couple decades, it is that a good excuse will get you out of anything.

It is even better if you can invoke a law, rule or example to justify your excuse.

So, to help you avoid doing anything that is scary or might get people angry with you or is a puke-inducing leap into the unknown, I’ve compiled a list of some great excuses you can use:

1. I’m worried I’ll fail
2. I’m afraid I’ll succeed
3. I’ll be out of town at my Nobel Prize acceptance party
4. I’m afraid of snakes
5. I’m afraid of unicorns
6. I’m too vulnerable
7. I come across strong
8. I’m afraid of the unknown
9. I’m afraid of what I know
10. I’m afraid of carnies
11. My parents made me this way
12. I’ve never traveled before
13. I’ve don’t need anyone
14. I need to be with someone
15. My boss wouldn’t like that
16. I learned everything I know from the pack of howler monkeys that raised me
17. I don’t know how
18. I’m held back by the glass ceiling
19. The dog ate it
20. I don’t have a college degree
21. My religion doesn’t allow that
22. Someone with authority over me told me I had to
23. I’m fighting the man
24. I’m not a dirty dirty hippie
25. I’ll do it tomorrow
26. I’m not talented enough
27. I’m too talented for that
28. I had a bad experience once with Krazy Glue and feathers
29. I don’t have a passport
30. I only vote party lines
31. No one understands me
32. It’s not you, it’s me. And I don’t like you.
33. I have an illness/injury
34. I can’t leave my family
35. I can’t live with my family anymore
36. I can’t get a job
37. I have to stay in this job
38. I’m holding out for my acceptance into the astronaut program
39. I can’t afford it
40. I’m holding it for a friend
41. I have a headache
42. It’s too complicated
43. It’s too simple
44. My goldfish has depression and I have to feed him Zoloft at 3 PM
45. I forgot
46. No one will like me if I do it
47. They will think I’m dumb
48. It isn’t innovative enough
49. That’s not part of my job
50. I don’t have any time
51. I’m too picky
52. I’m too shy
53. I have to re-lace my tennis shoes
54. My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/cat said I couldn’t
55. I’m unhappy with the way things as they are
56. I’m happy with the way things as they are
57. I can’t change

Or…if you want to write your own life story – if you want to accept responsibility for things – if you want to make an impact.

Then don’t fall back on these.

I’m not gonna lie to you. It might suck.

Sometimes you will be wrong. Sometimes you will colossally fail. Sometimes you will screw stuff up so bad that you stay awake until 4 AM for a week straight wondering how you let life get to this point and crying every 20 minutes or so because no one will ever love you for being who you really are.

But if you want to be able to wake up that next morning and, in those few fleeting moments of consciousness before you lull yourself into believing the excuses you feed yourself and the world, be truly deep down inside your soul happy with who you are and what you stand for…

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

If that isn’t worth it to you, then save this page for a handy-dandy list of excuses to your hard drive.

It will come in very useful when you need to come up with a way to deny who you are and what you want to be in a pinch.

Photo Credit – Historically Hardcore Project

Note – Sometimes excuses end up being legitimate reasons. We all know which we are using when, if we are really honest with ourselves

“Where God closes one door he opens a window”

It’s not that I necessarily disagree with the sentiment.  In fact I’m very much in favor of it.  But I’m moreso irked by the cliched “nosy-advice” category that it falls in.   It’s like when a loved one passes away and everyone says “They’re in a much better place now.”  What is that about?  Why say anything at all?

So instead I offer this more realistic “advice” on bad situations:

“Sometimes shit happens that you don’t want/expect to happen.  It pretty much sucks right now, and it might not be your fault or it might be because you are being an ass.  But there’s probably (hopefully) something better in your future if you can just hang on.”

10 days before I was set to leave my comfy bi-weekly paycheck salaried and full benefits packaged Corporate American job I went to a baseball game with my sister and some girlfriends.  Normally I park in the parking lot for The Iris Network and pay the $5 event fee.  The Iris Network is a non-profit housing and assistance program for blind people in Maine.

But this particular night I was being all stingy with my money and uppity and running late and I decided not to spend the whopping $5.  Instead I parked in a strip mall parking lot just down the street.

Are you all with me?  I was saving money by not helping blind people. There is a special circle reserved for me in hell.

My sister stared at a towing sign and let me know she didn’t think it was a good idea to park in the lot.  A sort of “Big Head Little Arms” not-well-thought-out-plan bad idea.  I’m sure you can see where this is going…

I am very lucky in that I actually liked many different pieces of my job.  I didn’t “get out” because I couldn’t stand it anymore or because I needed my freedom.  I made a career decision that was inevitable and necessary for my advancement in this corporation called “Life.”

I completely leapt off the cliff free form to feel the wind on my face and potentially smash abruptly onto the rocky terrain below.

And I’ve gotta admit…I keep waiting for the moment when I feel the sharp pain of rock edge piercing my skin and crushing my bones.   That rock bottom that shouts vehemently “This was a BAD idea!  Way worse than that “Big Head Little Arms” stuff you tried pulling before! What the hell were you thinking?!”

But it hasn’t happened yet.

I personally *like* to think it’s my aptitude, attitude, competency, skills, awesomeness, amazing good looks, etc shining through.  And the beacon that is my humility. 

I don’t know if it’s been because of the insane amount of planning and preparing I did to make this completely impractical transition.  Or extremely supportive friends, family and colleagues.

Or the mainlining of Tootsie Rolls I’ve been offering Universe over the past six months.

But somehow each thing I do that should be completely foolish in this pursuit has worked out.  I have a bill to pay and start sweating it, I get a call from a new client.  I need to get my name into a particular field of writing, I get a Twitter DM asking me to write for a national site.  Sometimes without even asking life delivers.

I can’t tell if this is a slow fall or a rather unnatural one.  I sure do hope it’s never ending though.  I don’t mind (much) the occasional scratch from a root or tumble on a shelf on my way down.  But that bone-crushing-skin-tearing crash at the bottom doesn’t sound too enjoyable.

Besides, I’d much rather just catch the wind and soar.

Oh, and if you were wondering how that parking situation turned out, by 1:15 AM and $95 cash later I was driving my Jeep home almost in tears.  Had to call my Dad to come meet me and bring cash.  As my sister says “At least it’s better than bail.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Jupiterimages

One of my biggest sources of inspiration and a great friend Sean Ogle actually has an entire online course that addresses many of these concerns and gives you the tools necessary to position yourself to Overcome Uncertainty and make the changes you crave in life.

Now in this world of the internet where everyone (and I do mean everyone…I currently have 9 other EBook/Course referral requests I have politely declined this month) creates content for a price I understand why people would be hesitant to buy.

But I can attest from lots of conversations with Sean, and meeting him in person, and living his epic journey vicariously through his blogging that this guy ABSOLUTELY knows about how to Overcome Uncertainty and live the life you dream.

Check out Overcome Uncertainty which launches Sept22nd at Location 180 for a comprehensive guide to jumping off your own cliff and avoiding the rocks below.